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My boyfriend and I, of 2 years, have had a rocky past couple of months. We constantly fought and didn't enjoy being around each other. While all this was happening I was growing close to a guy that I work with. I had always had a thing for this guy since before my boyfriend and I even got together. One night after work we met up and just talked. I learned he had always had a crush on me and I confessed my crush for him. We decided not to act upon it because of my boyfriend. This got me thinking about my relationship and that I just wasn't happy in it anymore. I told my boyfriend that I was unhappy in the relationship and we decided to work through it. One night I met up with my guy friend again and we started kissing and we ended up half naked in the back of his car. We talked about what was going to happy and I thought it was time to break up with my boyfriend but it would take some time. So in that time we still met after work for our make out sessions. My boyfriend was away for 5 days and during those five days I was with the other guy. One night we ended up having sex. And when my boyfriend got back I broke up with him. He wanted to talk and work things out because he said he still loves me and I decided to talk but it would take time. Meanwhile I was still sleeping with the other guy. I love my boyfriend but I don't find myself sexually attracted to him and I told him this but he insists there is a way to work through it if we still love each other. The other guy doesn't talk to me so much anymore, and I don't want to feel like I'm just settling for my boyfriend. I think if I we're to get back with him I'd have to tell him about the other guy but the problem is we all work together so it'd make for a hostile environment not to mention I'd get fired because I'm the boss sleeping with employees. Although they know about my boyfriend. I'm just so torn because I love my boyfriend but I'm not sexually attracted and I cheated on him. He'd do anything to work things out with me but I don't know what there is to try if I never want to have sex with him. And for the other guy, I'm sure I'm hurting him for thinking about going back to my boyfriend after I told him I wasn't ever going to. I just need some advice and someone to talk to about all this. It's not like I can confess about being a cheater to my friends when I feel so guilty about it. Thanks for your time.

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No matter what you do, there are going to be VERY hurt people! And just know that NO MATTER WHAT! This will come and bite you big time! Even though you want your cake and eat it too! I can tell you that you don't TRULY love your boyfriend, you love him for loves sake but not a deep utter love and trust! You can't and do what you did! Sex is Sex and Making Love has NOTHING to do with it! You are having SEX! With the co worker - period! And since you all work together, and both guys are oblivious to the fact that you are "WITH" each other, then this WILL blow and BIG TIME!!!!! Cheaters have one thing in common - narcisim!!! It's ALL about cessation of YOUR feelings and be damned anyone else! Unfortunately a Narcisist eventually gets payback! Because you can't be SO self centered for ever!

If you decide to stand and be counted and tell either guy or both guys, you will have to decide to take your "payback" the longer you keep these 2 hanging on the worse it WILL be! You need to come clean with both of them, and do your boyfreind a favor, do NOT try and placate him about feelings of love! You can't get love and remorse mixed up! There is NO going back with him - he might beg, because he wants to prove his manhood - but you CANT do that to his essence! The other guy doesn't have to prove anything about his manhood, yet probably thinks he needs to prove to you that he is a good guy - as good as a guy as your boyfriend! NEITHER man deserve this! You should have done the right thing and ended it before! When someone decideds to cheat they are taking their partners heart and essence into their hands and crushing it! And it is now up to YOU to finally decide if you are going to be woman enough to accept you did wrong to both guys and stand up and be counted! I am NOT judging you! People in glass houses should never throw stones! But as a VICTIM of cheating, I KNOW that this IS personal! A One night Stand is one thing a full blown affair with secrets and sneaking around - THAT'S an ATTACK on Someones being! And you have to be paid for destroying that! I'm sure you agree with it - deep down! IF you loose your job, then so be it! That's why there are all these rules in place for inter company relations they usually end up VERY badly! And can actually bring the company into legal proceedings! So Fess up honey, before it hits you full on! At least you will have some control with this and be able to do some damage control! IF you don't you will have NO control and everything WILL unravel and be decided for you!
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I’ve been in three serious relationships my entire life (currently single). In every relationship, I cheated and the girl never found out.

Do I feel bad about it? No.
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I don't think that is something to brag about!!!! If you have no conscience then so be it! BUT Karma IS a B! And one day honey!!!
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I think that you need to tell your boyfriend if you two plan on working things out. However, if you are not physically attracted to him then I do believe that something is missing there. Perhaps it truly is time to end the relationship even if it's going to hurt your boyfriend or you. I think that if you do chose to end it then you have two options, you can either tell him about cheating on him or you can not. I think that for a peace of mind for you it'd be good to tell him but for him that will definitely hurt him a lot. If I were you I'd weigh out the options. If there is no way he'd ever find out that you did cheat then maybe saving him the pain would be the best option? But if you have mutual friends and there's even a slight possibility that he can find out then I suggest you tell him. He will be far more angry if he finds out through the grapevine. I dont think that the other poster was right in saying "karma is a B... one day honey" I think that we're all human, we all screw up. I have never cheated but I know people who have and I have been cheated on. Life is too short to think like that and you need to move on. I definitely do not think cheating is ever ok but it does happen. And it usually happens in a relationship that the two people aren't happy in. It does, however, sound like it is time to end things and move on and find someone who you would never want to cheat on or be without. I hope that you can make a decision and don't just consider one person's feelings in this situation, make sure you consider both sides from every angle. Good luck! Hopefully you'll never find yourself in this situation again.
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The reason why I stated about Karma - Rainy - is that the poster Ralphperry said He cheated on EVERY relationship and he doesn't feel bad about it!" I wasn't talking about the original poster! If you show and have no remorse, nature has a way of coming back on you! That is the point I was making to him!
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Bambi - I agree.

I can't comprehend how someone could have no remorse.
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So, I came clean. And like you said Bambi, he tried to prove his manhood and begged to still have me. I did not except because the relationship is not what I want and I would hurt him more by forcing myself to do something that I didn't feel was right. I have to disagree with the narcissist comment. Although I agree that in most situations the only reason people cheat is because they are only thinking about themselves but some situations are different. I'm not only saying that because I think I'm different but because I disagree. I'm sorry that you were a victim of cheating and I don't know your situation but it sounds a little like you were being a little judgmental because it was personal for you. But I do appreciate the input from all of you. I've made my bed so I'll lye in it.
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Agreed! And good for you for standing up! As a "Victim" - I hate that word but that is what I became! I AM very oversensitive about cheating! A one night stand I GET! TOTALLY! BUT someone that goes on and does it and does it I DONT get! I was SO inspired by John Edwards when he was running for the leader! Then ALL of this came out! And I am disgusted! I don't know your situation, and as I stated, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones! I also think that sometimes when we make "mistakes" we want the "mistake" to make the point so we don't have to! Does that make sense? As in a husband leaving a phone number lying around, or the old lipstick on the collar etc. It's as though we want the other person to LOOK and SEE! Without us having to come out and say it - do you think this is what you were doing with your boyfriends co worker? That you were hoping that word would eventually get back and that you wouldn't have to hurt him? I never agree with taking back someone - no matter how much they beg - because they HAVE to prove their manhood or womanhood! It's ALL compliacted no matter the path that we choose or is chosen for us! I am glad you came to terms with it, it's a hard thing for everyone concerned! We can't help whom we are attracted too nor whom we love! And sometimes those 2 aren't in the same being! Good luck and health!
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I just lived this problem currently... Though I just found myself coming out of one of the hardest times in my life and realizing something; life is only as hard as we make it. Life will not choose its own roads, we have to pack up sometimes and start walking to be on the road to a better life.

My boyfriend I had lost sexual interest in, but still had a few loose feelings for. I had to decide between him and a man that liked me, and had sex with me the way i like.

When I looked over this decision, I started to see things that cleared a few points up for me.

The man that was great at sex liked me, but had never seemed to love me as much as my boyfriend does. My boyfriend I can see the love pouring out of, and he has always been willing to work through any problems.

I finally found that, I had to tell them both the truth. So I did, and my boyfriend pulled through. He said he still loved me, and that we could work through this. The other man though wasn't so happy, and I was glad that I had chose the one that truly loved me.

Although I have been sexually active for quite some time, I have learned that sexual attraction can be the least of a healthy relationship.

I love my boyfriend more than anything, and I have sex with him because i love him and I have found the sweet attraction that comes out of true love.

Always go with the sturdier emotions than let the intense ones try to run your life. And if all fails, I'm sure there are a thousand other men out there that would love to be with you.

Good luck sweetheart, I'm sure you'll pull through.
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Look I went through the same situation as you did, I loss attraction to my boyfriend I loss interest. It was so exciting too find interest in someone else and be able to do different things with that new individual, I cheated on my boyfriend of six years with a friend of his this was two years ago and we are not together now, but I know what your feeling. I kept asking myself if I loved him and if he loved me could we get passed this mistake I made? The truth was no, I am so happy that I didn't get back together with my ex boyfriend I made the right choice because I may have loved him but I wasn't in love with him and I wasn't able to picture ever having sex with him in the future. I did try once to sleep with him to patch things up, I cried and jumped out of his bed and drove home. I knew at that moment I could be single and that would allow me to find myself get my head on straight. I was fighting myself inside because of my boyfriends feelings about me. It sounds like your going through excatly the same issues as I did, what worked out best for me was to remain single until I found the right man who met most of what I was seeking at that time. You do not need a man that only meets certian requirements of yours but not all.. that leaves you with questions and empty feelings. It's better to not continue making mistakes to make other people happy, sometimes you have to be the bad guy and make a choice that benefits your needs more than the next persons. Good luck.
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Hello, i never, cheated on my man n i wouldnt want him to do it to me. When u its like u lost all trust, and the relationship was for nothing, relationships have there ups and downs but it takes a real person to handle it the right way. For someone to cheat n not feel any remorse dont have respect first for God n second their self n esspecially for the person they cheated on. The best way to handle is to be honest with the faithful person n then be honest to yourself, or everyone will have disorinate relationships, n i love my husband. Me have r problems we fall out n makeup, but at the end of the day i did my part n am the one wearing the ring. For us lovers stay as lovers, n cheaters just pray about it, n do the right thing to help others, other relationships. Because the person who cheated who did he or she cheat on u with, what comes around goes around n u reap what u sow.
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I was rereading the original posts and what I put! I have studied man and relationships for most of my life! I think we are the most FASCINATING, HORRIBLE, WONDERFUL, SURPRISING, BORING, things on the planet. We love AND hurt the same people, we react and don't we are constantly changing and doing things that aren't our norm! We are sexual beings - at our core - that makes for a VERY dangerous situation that many have found themselves in! It is that sense of sex that leads to one night stands, and that sense of entitlement that leads to affairs! These 2 are NOT the same, one night stand is SEX - base natural yearning! Affairs is lies, deceit, pain, devastation, and the blowing apart of a dream! When it happened to me I could only describe it as a blowing apart a jigsaw puzzle of my life! I had EVERY piece in place - the house, the husband, the children, the dogs, job etc etc. Then with 1 sentence my entire jigsaw puzzle was blown apart! I grasped at ANY piece I could - to put that piece back in it's place! I tried to shove unmatchable pieces into spaces that would not take it! Then I realized that my jigsaw puzzle HAD to be started from scratch, I couldn't fathom starting again! BUT I had to, I had to make the woman in it (me) a different person, the man (my husband) a TOTALLY different person - for me to accept him! I looked at the world differently, I looked at me differently and of course my husband! The pain subsided - even though I thought it would NEVER. The DIRTY DEPRAVED details I DRAGGED out of him - thought I wish I hadn't! It is LIFE changing - not destroying - just changing! You CAN and WILL overcome the betrayal - perhaps with the same person or with someone TOTALLY different! But let there be no misunderstanding, the world does keep on revolving, you just need to pick yourself up, start your new jigsaw puzzle and "forgive"! You will NEVER forget - and you need to accept that! It's a narcasistic world and for once in your life it's time for YOU to be narcasistic instead!
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I totally agree, even though it have not happened to me, i cant say it never will because it can. Its kinda crazy how we as women have to do so much to keep a man, to trust our man and relye on them i guess thats what makes us women. But its so easy for them to just do that one thing n thats breaking a bond women too. But all we can do is forgive n move on, and hope it would be just a dream n forget, but u cant because u really loved that person n hope they come to love u so u cant just forget. U have to learn, we as women, wives have to love ourselves before loving someone. Women are the most BEAUTIFUL, SMART, INTELLIGANT, ELEGANT, men may think were boring but were actually CREATIVE, UNIQUE and have to learn not to be quick to be so independant but show them we need them. After we do our part n they still act up, still do our part and look fly doing it, with a smile. :-)
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Agreed, but having many guy friends I know - from being their friends - that they EXPLODE after being cheated on! I truly think the hurt a man feels is even more so brutal than a woman's! We - as women - understand sex, men don't quite get it! They know they want it and like it, but they don't understand the connection - they think it's about their manhood etc. So when a woman sexually cheats it's a stab to their manliness! Just like if a man has an affair on a woman - we take that FAR harder than a one night stand as there is emotion involved - something that we need! Some of my male friends to this day still can't talk about the betrayal that happened to them - they were DEVASTATED by it! Just like the act of suicide I truly wish that the cheaters could see past tonight, that they could see the UTTER devastation they leave in their wake! Not only their partners, but their children (if there are any) their friends, family, even co-workers EVERYONE is affected by it! There are allegiances that might have to be broken - say if a friend knew but didn't say anything - etc. Just like a divorce couples side with the individual and it is NEVER the same! I made my husband - and in turn myself - PAY over and over and over again! Because of what I took from it, I made the pain last FAR longer than it needed to! I put it like "Having my day in court" I wanted to go infront of a judge and jury and have them ALL declare that my husband was a B' and I was TOTALLY innocent! Almost like society saying that I did NOT deserve this and he DESERVED to be punished! Because life went on and people thought I should have gotten over it, it made it worse for me - and us - IF one of our friends had said - infront of everyone - that my husband didn't deserve me or who the heck did he think he was etc. I truly think - speaking only for myself of course - that I would have moved on quicker and gotten myself together! We loose ourselves in relationships, and before devastation happens I think ALL of us - both sexes need to be grounded in ourselves -and as you put it, love ourselves first and foremost! I think that's the ONLY way to survive this betrayal - to know that you ARE lovable and you CAN overcome this!
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