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Ever since february 3rd of this year. I've been having medical issues with my urinary tract and my bowels. I've been to 5 doctors and a urologist and none of them can explain what is wrong. They think it may all be caused by my depression and anxiety of not knowing what is wrong. They have given me Zoloft, Xanax, and Lexapro. the Zoloft did nothing so a week later they gave me Xanax and it worked for about 2 weeks. Then it started not working so much so they gave me lexapro as a long term medication for depression and anxiety.

I started taking it yestereday and all that I have felt was worse and worse the longer I lay awake. My vision is blurred, all my urinary problems and bowel problems seem to be worsening and I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand living like this. I've even been doing research for the past 3 days about where I could get enough carbon monoxide to kill myself painlessly and peacefully with no mess to my body. I can't stand living anymore.

The urologist ran every possible test on me but he can't explain why my penis is retracting into my body. he can't explain why I can't get an erection, he doesn't know why I always have the feeling of having to pee. It's just...It's too much for me to bear. I'm only 18. I shouldn't be having these kind of problems. I didn't do anything on that day out of the ordinary but my life has taken a turn for the worse ever since that day.I finally got enough carbon monoxide in my possession to take my own life when I feel I am ready to do so. But I'm willing to wait a few more days since I have another appointment with a different urologist.

If anyone here may have any clue on who might be able to help me or any idea's what could possibly be wrong. I'd greatly appreciate any input. Before any of this happened. I was a happy go lucky mellow kid with not a care in the world. Now I can't stop thinking about suicide and what might be wrong with me. Maybe that first urologist I went to was bogus or something I don't know. but I'll hold out 2 more days to see this other one and hopefully get some answers to my problems.

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I'm so sorry you have to go through all this when, as you said, 18 is the age when you basically shouldn't have much care in the world. It definitely sounds like there is some medical problem with your urinary-genital system and if you can find a different urologist - that is the best that you could do right now. Yes, depression and anxiety can play a big role there, but only to some part - I don't know what your problems are and I definitely am not a urologist, but it is their job to eliminate first the possibility that there is something physically that is making things worse.
Please, keep in mind that all these depression and anxiety medications have very well proven negative side effects on sexual function, if it the sexual side that is here at stake. Depression alone makes sexual desires low, anxiety makes your expectations and hopes turning to the negative side and the medications only add to the horrible situation, if they are not prescribed correctly. In many cases talking to someone through therapy would have much more positive effects than switching all these medications that are known to cause problems even by themselves, let alone when you already are in situation that is bad. Besides, you realize yourself that long term medications need time to start showing positive effects - that time is measured in weeks because they need to change the chemistry of the brain that depression has messed up. You have to give them time and seek all the professional help you can. Is there anyone you can talk to about this - at least someone to support you through this worst part?
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The only person I have is my mother. She keeps trying to get me into see better doctors. I've been talking to her about suicide and even writing poems about it. I've written a suicide note and have everything prepared for a painless, quick ending. I don't want to end it this way but I can't live with the pain and suffering anymore. It's just too much for me to bare. I'm sick of the pain and sick of the anxiety. I've been nothing but depressed and suicidal since this all started back in february. I'm going to another urologist monday but I dont know if I can even last that long. I'm scared that he won't find anything wrong either. I'm always looking at the worst side of things. I can't seem to stay positive. I'm sick of it all.

I've never been so close to the brink. I'm so upset over this that I haven't been able to sleep. I haven't been able to find anything meaningful in life. I sit or lie awake in bed for days wondering when it will all go away or when will i be back to normal. I can't stand it anymore. I'm so sick of this. I don't know what could have happened to me. I'm scared that I may take my own life when I don't want to. I just want my old life back. I think other than my mother and wonderful mate. The only thing keeping me alive is trying to look a month or two down the road if they do find something and do fix it. I miss my happiness. I miss spending time with my boyfriend and everything. it's just affecting my entire life now. It's gotten worse and worse over the past 5 weeks and I just can't stand it no longer.

The problem isn't just about my sexual function. I've been using the bathroom and have the constant need to use the bathroom all the time whether I just went or 20 minutes after going. It's hard to get the stream started it hurts for a little bit afterwords. The depression and anxiety has me sick to my stomach and my bowel movements i.e. pooping is all weird. It's black and tarry and when I do have a bowel movement it's very small but i have like 3 within an hour then none for the rest of the day. I've been searching online ever since this all happened and have found nothing that has all these symptoms. I just want to end my life if this urologist can't find anything.
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You are at the worst point now - nothing seems to go for the better and depression is not allowing you to see anything else. I've been there, it seemed to me like nothing ever will change and that there isn't anything worth in the world. That is why I know that its the depression that is putting black on everything around you and not allowing you nothing but memories on how things were before. I know that it's hard to believe that right now, but that is what changed the way you think and see everything around you and it's sad for me to read how much you suffer because I know that you don't have to suffer like this because there is treatment and help - you need to be strong just for a while until you find proper help.
You are not alone, that is the most important thing. With your mother by your side, no matter how bad you feel right now, just hold yourself together and take things into your hands - don't let depression to manage your life, you are the one who has the power to change it. And, don't forget to mention all anti-depressants to the urologist on Monday - he knows what negative effects they have, so he will be able to distinguish that from anything else. See is there any chance that you find a reputable therapist so you get real, face-to face help, sometimes it's worth more than all medications together - that I learned the had way. Only wish I could show you somehow that although it's hell right now, it can get better - worn-out phrase, but it proved itself to me when I was at my worst. Did they gave you anything to at least help you sleep? Lexapro will need time, but what you need now is something that will help you to get at lest few hours of good sleep.
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Sorry I missed the last part of your post - but have you been to GI specialist? Black and tarry stool could point out to stomach and intestinal problems that only pull the urinary issues along. How is your diet? Do you manage to eat regularly at all, with everything that has been going on?
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I'm taking Unisom to sleep. The only reason I can't sleep is because of the constant need to urinate. Whenever I get close to drifting to sleep I have to pee. It's frustrating and I cry all the time because I'm so worried that whatever I have I may have to deal with forever... I don't want to have to deal with it and the only way to not have to deal with it if it is incurable is to take my own life.

As I said before. When I have no problems or anything. I'm happy go lucky enjoy spending time with friends and I feel great. Now I just hate life and just want my suffering to end. I'm just hoping that if this does get cured. I'll be able to stop taking all these medications and just get back to my normal life of playing video games hanging out with friends having fun and just being your average teenage male.

That's all I want back... I want my life and my body back to the way they were before any of this started happening.
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Well the black and tarry stool was only a temporary thing it went on for about 3 days and then cleared up but i would still have to poop like 3 times in a 1 hour period in small ammounts instead of just one big bowel movement like before I got these problems. But it has recently come back. I'll tell the urologist about it monday but I've had bouts of black and tarry stool before when I was totally healthy so I don't think it's anything to do with my GI tract. I'm hoping not anyway. I'll tell the urologist everything that has gone wrong from feb 3rd until monday and have him run some tests. The place I'm going to does have a GI specialist as well on hand so if he thinks i need to see him. I should be able to that day.

I just want these suicidal thoughts to go away. I was always a happy mellow kid only times I got sad is when the first relationship I was in I got cheated on and when my grandmother passed away... Another thing holding me back from suicide is that there might be a solution to this problem and that if I committed suicide...would I still go to heaven I don't want to burn in hell for eternity. I just want my earthly suffering to end. Me and my lover had so much planned for the future but right now I just want to get better and get these thoughts of suicide out of my head... I dont know if there is but I want my life back as I stated before. I just hope this new doctor can help me. I'm sick of the having the urge to urinate. Even as I write this I feel like i have to pee. It's as if my bladder will just not fill up. It just wants to empty itself constantly and it's begginning to take a toll on me. Not sleeping is sapping my energy and blurring my vision.
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I know I'm not alone in this and no. I have no stomach pain or blood in my urine or anything. I just have the constant need to go and difficulty starting it every now and then. Since starting the lexapro I've had blurred vision and loss of appetite which are listed as side effects that go away after a few days and I've been unable to sleep well which, again, is another side effect. I'll see if i can have an ultrasound tommorrow when I got to the urologist. I'm just hoping that they can fix me. If I find out what's wrong and it's not serious and everything returns to normal I won't need this medication anymore.

My life was wonderful before this all hit me. I've got a wonderful boyfriend who would do anything for me. My daily routine would be wake up at or around 5 - 6 AM. Log onto my laptop to see if he's online. If he's not I'll hop in the shower and clean myself (genitalia and rectum included) i've always made sure to keep myself clean in those areas because I did masterbate frequently (usually 1 or 2 times a day) sometimes 1 every 2 days depending on where i was or what i was doing, after that I'd hop on an MMO me and him play together and just play it for a few hours. Maybe take a nap or make some lunch lay down and watch some tv go back to playing the game for a little while and around that time it was dinner time, after dinner I'd call him and we'd talk for about 2 hours on the phone then I'd lay down and watch tv until I drifted to sleep. I've never had problems with depression before or any real sickness that has controlled my life but this one is.

The day this all happened I did nothing different than that. I took a shower after masterbating and like always I peed small ammounts in the shower several times like always and just went to my room. That night I noticed I had a lack of feeling down there and I just kind of brushed it off as meh. Maybe I just did it too much that day and went to sleep. The next day I felt sickly and downed a tylenol and layed in bed for a few hours but still had that lack of feeling and was unable to achieve an erection. 2 days later I noticed that it had started to retract into my body much more than usual. I had my mom take me to the doctor that they said I might have a bladder infection and gave me medicine for it which did nothing. This is where I started to get depressed. I hate not knowing what is wrong. 2 days later the retraction got worse and my mother got worried and took me to the emergency room and the doctor there said I had balanitis. All he did was look at me for like 20 seconds then said I had it. but to my understanding. Balanitis is accompanied by pain and is usually only in uncircumsized people which I was circumsized at birth.

The depression and anxiety is only set on when there is a problem with me physically or emotionally after a breakup like I said in my other post. After about 2 months of being depressed over that relationship I found the person I am currently with and before any of this started I was happy and always smiling laughing and just being a teenager. I was supposed to start a job with my dad on February 14th but when all this started I was hoping it would just go away by then. Well much to my dismay it did not. It continued and worsened every few days. I finally got another appointment after not sleeping for 6 days and the retraction getting worse. It was so uncomfortable and painful after I peed that I couldn't fall asleep. I took sleepiing pills, sleepytime tea everything you could possible imagine to maybe get some rest but nothing was working. I finally went to this doctor and he just did a urine culture and a testosterone test and sent me away. Doing nothing about my lack of sleep for upwards of 6 days. My mom was infuriated that he did nothing for me so she got me another appointment with another doctor that same day. We went to see him and he gave me a 1g shot of an extremely potent antibiotic and a prescription for 1 mg of xanax to be taken 3 times daily. For about a week all returned to normal. My urinating was still abnormal but my mind was more at ease because the shot stopped any pain and it seemed as if the retraction had started to fade.

Well about 6 days after the shot. All my symptoms came back. The constant need to urinate the pain the depression. Now I just don't know what to do anymore. I doubt this is all in my head. I dont' want to have to live with this pain being so young and healthy. I shouldn't have to. I don't understand what could have happened that day to make this all happen to me or if it some disease I have had that just surfaced on that day. I don't know. I'm just hoping this doctor can find something out. I want answers. Not guesses and speculation. I've already talked to my parents about suicide and my boyfriend and they both say it's stupid and I agree. But I can't live with this illness anymore. I'm sick of it. I can't sleep. I can't eat because I have a constant stomachache from the anxiety and drinking anything just seems to worsen the condition. I'm scared to drink anything other than water or cranberry juice and afraid to even masturbate anymore.

This depression and illness are running and ruining my life and i don't know how much longer I can deal with it. I'm glad your trying to help but if this doctor can't figure something out then it must be something I'll have to deal with forever. I don't want to because I hate living life like it is hell. I hate having to depend on pills and I'm just hoping if this can be cured and everything returns to normal that I can just stop the pills or slowly ween off them. I don't want to have to take meds for the rest of my life. I feel pathetic having to take them and I'm sick of it. I know I'm not alone and I know of these children with cancer that die everyday and that life is precious but because of how I feel. I'd rather be dead.

As you've said you've been on the brink before but I think I'm over that brink. I'm ready to pull the figurative trigger if this doctor can't help me. I just want real answers. I WILL make them run tests on everything and give me scans and such of my bladder/kidneys and everything. I can't go on living with this pain and frustration.

I know this was a long message but I just figured I'd give you everything about my life that led up to this. As you have read nothing in my life other than the loss of a loved one has made me depressed. If I get a bad grade in school I just work to fix it. I just don't want this disease for the rest of my life. If I do. There is no way I can lead a fulfilling life and have real quality time with my lover. I'd be better off dead than making everyone around me sick of me and upset.
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Zaikudo,

I'm sorry I missed your other posts. I'm usually pretty good about responding if I get the email reminder. Nikols actually sent me a personal message about this post. You can PM me too!

Please, let your doctor know about these thoughts. They can be a side effect of some of these meds. In fact these are very common, so much so that the FDA has warnings about it. What doctor prescribed this for you? It wasn't the urologist was it?

I know we'd talked some about balanitis, yes you can get it but its not common, and a urinary tract infection. The UTI can cause you have to urinate frequently. Sometimes the medication they give you doesn't work and you'll need another. You said in one post that your urine was still cloudy. That may indicate infection. Have you had a urine test lately?

Like Nikols said, all the medications you listed, Zanax, Lexapro, and Zoloft, have negative sexual side effects. The blurred vision is also common with Lexapro.

Please talk to your urologist. Write everything down in an easy to read list. Go over everything.

I know you're scared but you will get through this. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone else, a psychologist or a psychiatrist, to deal with these feelings.

Keep me posted, OK. PM me if you have to.

Dan
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I woke up just now and felt like I had to pee. So I went into the bathroom and stood over the toilet and I had to strain and strain and strain and still nothing... It felt like it was trapped in my urethra...I sat down because the past few days it seemed easier to pee sitting down...Not sure why... I started shaking and sweating and finally it started to come out...I think I have some sort of blockage... I can't stop shaking right now and I don't know if I can deal with this for 12 more hours until my appointment... I had to push and push and push... It was horrible....Typing this right now I'm shaking and can't calm down... There is no way I can go back to sleep....

What could possibly be causing this. It's scaring me to death....
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hello, this post was from so long ago. i was just wondering how its going? i am having exactly the same problem!! However, Im a 17 year old girl. i have trouble weeing it stings and burns ive been on all sorts of antibiotics but the only thing they seem to be good for Is giving me thrusting. i feel like suicide all the time
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also i have had sti cheks and uti check all come back fine. what could this be?
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The best thing you can do it get on top of it in your head. Start making your life first and this unkown suck condition second Start lifting weights, even if you start out with canned cans. Start walking- running- biking- go on hikes, move your body- get distracted by the scenery. I know because I have had severe chronic pain since a failed back surgery in 2002. Now I have other problems from the long term chronic pain. Not to mention failed relationships and difficulty supporting myself. This is your one and only chance at life. You can do this! I wish you the best .

Life is good and troubles will pass. Enjoy this earth and it's beauty. Love your self and those that love you- It's all temporary!
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his problems started at 3 february 2011 ,he posted this 3/12/2011 he is at a lot of suffer i really dont know but did this guy commited suicide??
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did you solved the problem???
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