confused about my hymen

Hi umm so i'm nervous for writing this but I don't feel comfortable enough to tell my mum.so i'm 20 years old and i live in a sociaty were its not too strict but at the same time doesn't except that a girl is not a virgin and by virgin i mean when a guy have sex with a girl he expects blood. But the problem is i dont remember if i'm or not.when i was 9 my cousin (13) convinced me to kiss him and me being a small girl didnt think much of it .So later on we started to sneak into the bathroom and kiss but then it developed to taking are cloth off .I don't remember much but we kissed and touched our bodies and hugged while we are naked a lot .Then when I became older like 12 years I got my period and I knew its best for me not to do anything any more like that but the difference is now I felt pleasure so like all girls I started masturbating off course I didn't put anything inside but i did rub my self on pillow(omg so embarasing im gonna cry)but later on I stopped doing it naked and now i do it wearing clothes fully clothed.The problem is i remember that one time I had few drops of blood like three small drops on the pillow i'm not sure if it was already there because you know if its new it would look fresh not dry and I remember touching it and nothing it was dry and I asked my mum what's that blood she said my dad cut his chin while shaving but i'm just being paranoid what if I did more with my cousin and didn't know. PEOPLE OR SOME that masturbating can brake your hymen so i'm trying to stop. P.s: sorry it was long but i just got courage to tell someone beside me and i hope someone would reply.thanks