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The court case started wednesday, in which the jurors were sworn in and the case was accepted into Crown court. Well I was'nt needed for that day just my cousin gave evidence.

On Thursday however, my sister and I were called in as witnesses. I stood with my head held high, though i was petrified. I knew it was going to be the hardest day of my life, and by god it was!!!

A witness before me was called in and lasted in the court for about 30 minutes. Then I was called in and at first they read my statement, which took about an hour and a half, I cried through it. The whole thing replayed in my head as they read my statement out. By the time my statement had been fully read out, it was 1pm and i was 'part-heard' as we departed for lunch.

I could'nt be with my family for lunch as some of my family were going to be witnesses later and they could'nt risk contamination of evidence. So i had to eat alone.

However we reconvined at 2pm whereby the hardest part of the whole thing happened. They began to question me. The defence started to say that it never happened, that it was a dream and that it was my mind playing tricks on me. At one point the defence said ' i put it to you that it did'nt happen and that your mind it playing tricks on you'. I promptly replied with 'No it did happen. Since when does an 8 year old know about rape, I put it to you that an 8 year old does'nt make up stories like that. I know lies hurt, and this is deadly important,why should I lie? I have a clear cut memory of it, my brain is'nt such that it makes it up, I don't have an imagination!'

The defence shut up after that! I stood up for myself. He made me cry though. He told me he had no further questions. I was in the witness box for a total of four hours!!!

After that my sister was called and then my friend. I got home about 7pm and the hardest day of my life was over.

Today mam and my brother gave evidence, but for me its closure now, whether he gets away with it or not. I saw my rapist and abuser 4 times yesterday adn I never backed down once. I am strong, i did do it and I shoved it all back in his face.

The verdict wont be told untill monday now though. However, closure was speaking up and getting a whole load of sh*t off of my chest. Seeing him, not backing down and cowering in fear. Thats my closure!

I speak out, because not many abuse victims do. Going to court was the healthiest thing I have done for myself, I know i did the right thing, though it scared me so much!

Seeing my abuser looking weaker than I was gave me strength. He could'nt cause me anymore hurt, he could'nt get me when no-one was looking and believe it or not he was the helpless one, not me. In a years time, I am going to be the one that is happier, healthier and all in all a much nicer person. Him, however, has to live with what he has done. People dont get away with rape and abuse of a child - And i was a child then.

If I have one piece of advice to other abuse victims, is to speak up, its not as hard as you think. People look after you and can get you the help you need - not to mention closure!

So speak up !!!
All my love


Hi KeeKee,

Thanks for sharing your story with us and encouraging other abuse victims to step forward. I just wanted to say good luck tomorrow. I am sorry you had to go through such experience at such early age.

Another thing I wanted to say is that you already are a very nice person. Just keep up with a good work!

Best Regards


Hey jenny!
Thanks, my goal is to get rape and abuse victims to speak up, whether they are man women or child. I am trying to get them to realise that if they prosecute, its really not as harsh as they predict or fear. Tommorrow is the verdict and yes, i havent slept LOL. I am nervous as hell and i am going to sit in the public gallery and hold my head high.

People need to realise that rape and abuse is'nt something that is deserved. It is something that people force on you. Not something that makes the victim 'unclean'. Over the years I have heard so much nasty stuff about women who have been raped, this mainly pushed me to tell my story and make it public in everyway i can. People need to know theres a life after rape.

anyways ive been up all night :-(
im exhausted!!!
all my love