I've been suffering from what I believe to be derealization for about two months now. It all started in mid September when I had smoked a little too much hash. I have never been a heavy smoker, only very very rarely. I was fine for the first 5-10 minutes, and the afterwards a very scary feeling started to come over me and I started to freak out and panic. I thought I was going to die because my heart was beating very fast, I was having troubles breathing, I had dry mouth and I felt like I was going to pass out. I eventually waited it out and went to bed that night to let it pass.
The next morning I noticed something didn't really feel right. It felt like I was removed a bit from reality. I was very on edge as I was scared I was going to have another panic attack at any moment. I had a very small scare of panic a week later that only really lasted a quick moment but really shook me up.
From then on, I have continued to feel like my reality has been altered. I don't suffer so much from panic anymore as I've kind of moved on from the worrying. Only now, I'm constantly worrying about how my reality has changed. I feel like things are just a bit.. weird. I defiantly do not feel the same as I did before the initial panic attack. I also feel like I've developed a bit of depression as well. I think a lot about suicide and those thoughts scare me a lot. Please note I have no previous history of anxiety or panic or suicide, I was completely fine.
I'm just looking for some insight into this incident. I have read that a lot of the time this type of derealization does pass. I've been waiting it out for about two months now and I actually do feel like I've gotten a bit better, but it still doesn't feel 100% how I use to feel. I've done my best to exercise, eat healthy, and keep myself busy, however I can't get that feeling that something is wrong out of my head. I do not want medication and I have tried to avoid seeing a doctor in hopes that it would just fade away on it's own.
I feel like I will always have this worry that something is going on in my head and that in itself is causing things to seem off when they really aren't. Is there any methods to break free of this? I'd appreciate any and all suggestions!