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I would never be able to live, to thrive without having had children. I knew very well at a young age that I would have children and as many as I could within reason financially and morally (I am married). The love that I have given and received to and from my children has been beyond what I could ever imagine from my husband- although we do love each other :) It is another plane of existence. Hugs, cards, smiles, laughter, caring, sharing, hard times, crying, good times, ups, downs, sunshine and rain. At age 42, I have four children and three grandchildren. I love to do, to cook, to give. I am blessed to have had children or offspring- as my children range from their 20's down to my 6 year old.

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I'm 47 and I'm married and been married previously. I had kids in my first marriage and my  wife had two children in her first marriage. I love my wife and my kids but I find it all very difficult especially kids, they are egocentric, lazy and self-obsorbed. If I had the choice again I would not get married or have kids.

I think the problem with me is I'm selfish and self-obsorbed and have no room for giving up my life for ungrateful kids. If I'm honest I cant wait for the day they leave home, so I can do what I want when i want. Sounds terrible, but our society seems to view kids as this sacred cow. They really do not contribute to anything, just suck up all your resources leave home and only contact you if they want something. The wife is ok with this.

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It is so great to read all these thoughts. I am 34 and have been in a stable and loving relationship for 7 years,. My partner has been my friend for a long time and knew when I met him and he was 15 that he didn't want kids. Aged 14 I didn't either, nor at 25, but now I am 34....

I am waiting for my biological clock to kick in and worrying I am 'abnormal' for not having one. My partner has said he will have kids if he has a choice between that and loosing me (talk about putting the pressure on me!). I LOVE kids. I'm a primary school teacher and I love hanging out with my little monsters. I just have no particular wish to have my own. I find looking after myself and keeping myself happy, fed and sane hard enough. The idea of having someone else to think about too seems totally overwhelming.

Then there is the small fact that I was a socially awkward child who was bullied at school, and my partner is a pretty introverted guy... I do worry about what ever child we would produce and our combined abilities to support them. Neither of us had easy childhoods and I think we both think it would be very painful to watch a child go though the stuff we did (which is actually a reality for an awful lot of children...as a teacher I can tell you childhood is not all it is cracked up to be).

I love my life and my partner and the world we have created. I don't know if I am being selfish or immature not to want to rock the boat or share it with anyone. I do know that the rest of the world feeling increasingly 'their place' to tell me that I must have children and I will regret it for ever and ever if I don't and it is the most wonderful thing in the world etc. I used to get this from my mum but now everyone from my boss to the cleaning lady feels the need to impart their parental wisdom (with the very best of intentions).

Reading all these posts makes me feel like I am perhaps less 'unnatural' that I sometimes feel. Thanks you all for sharing your thought. (particularly the person who pointed out that it is surely better to regret not having kids than to regret having them).

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Althea I think you are too young still to feel the ramifications of not having children. l felt that way at 45 then met a man got married and am now divorced - he did not want children and I didn't either - he already had grown children - now I am alone. Even 45 for me was too late. Only the pain and devastation of my broken marriage has made me come to terms with a lot of hard facts. I didn't value love enough. If you value your freedom too much when you are older you may be 'free' in one sense - but we all need love. Even if children are unable to return your love, if you had had children you would have had the opportunity to give your love to someone ( a husband/partner is not the same). Even if I meet someone new and they may have children, I will have not given myself the opportunity to have experience that love. Children are opportunities to many wonderful things in life and we can't wind the clock back now. Perhaps later you will understand.

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I am a 38 year old woman and never really had the desire to be a mum, my partner for 6 years has a similar view. Last year the feeling became more 50/50 and we spoke about it on many, many occasions and we thought i will stop take the pill and see what happens. I must admit, i am not a 100 % sure it hasn't happened yet and i am finding myself somewhat relieved. I spoke to my gp about it but it seems taboo for any doctor to say, maybe you should think about not having children if you're not fully into it. One of my fears is that i will have a child with disabilities, i am from Europe, all my family is living there and the last main reason is that kids seem to grow up so fast nowadays with the internet, facebook, twitter etc. kids are 10 and sexually active! Boys watch porn and they think that is the norm and girls of 10 years old shaving off all their pubic hair! I would go crazy if that was my daughter! No, i think i am happy with my life the way it is, we have a dog and are very passionate about animals. Some friends say, you'll regret it, we've never heard about people who had kids and regret but do from people who don't. Honestly i think all the people with kids just want to have others feel the same sleep deprived, walking around in gym gear running from one activity to another on the verge of breakdown so they are not the only one!
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Clair, Hi. I just turned 40 in January. I got married at 21 and my wife had 2 girls already. I always said I didn't want young children, but liked older kids. That has held true up until about 4 years ago. My wife's girls started having children (my step-grandchildren) and I started seeing first hand the joys and love of raising a child from birth and it being your own. My wife is older than me and we have grown in different directions in the past 10 years also, but now I'm faced with a difficult decision of whether to continue down a growing unhappy path even though I love my wife or try to start now and have a child (my wife cannot have children anymore- btw) before I reach 45 as I would not want to have one later than that. I have been asked if it's a mid-life crisis and I firmly feel the answer is no as it is a growing realization of things I passed up when I was just too immature to make the right decision. I would say, you should give it some serious thought if you're concerned enough to ask the question.
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I am a 55 year old guy now in my second marriage. My first wife was a loving caring person and we always wanted kids, but for a number of reasons it did not happen. I guess my count was too low. At one time my ex had been pregnant but lost it in a miscarriage, eventually for a number of reasons we split up and divorced. She is adopted and now same age as me without kids or a life, regretably she has taken to drinking and can not control it. sometimes I regret to having kids with her as I think kids would have inspired her to live a more active life and in some way my inability to give her children make me feel responsible for her current hopeless and lonely situation, I fee for her and I understand her lonelyness and think that some how I stole her chance in life to have a family.

Now i am marriage again after having been single for ten years after my first speration and I am still unable to produce children due to my low count, adoption seems a long wait option and now my age 55. My current wife is 27 and ready to have children, but once again I feel I may have stolen her chance to have children, as we never discussed my inability to have kids. I know my current wife wants kids, and it is only now that i wish i could have kids....I guess I just regret not having any, and although I am successful in business and in life over-all, I lack that certain element ...KIDS.....to complete my wifes and my life....maybe I should leave my wife so she can find another who can give her a child, because when I eventually pass on I do not want her to be alone and then face life alone or with another partner after I pass on and it being to late for her to have kids......

regret....totally

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Women who don't want children are NOT inherently selfish. I didn't want children because I was raised in a abusive situation and felt that I could not provide the emotional stability for many years that is required to be a good mother. That was a SELFLESS decision, not a selfish one. Now, at the age of 44, I regret that I had to spend so much of my life overcoming the difficulties that my childhood presented me, and I would love to be a mother as I know I am now emotionally capable to giving a child a happy life. Your comment is poorly thought out and judgmental, and only serves to condemn other people for making intelligent & well thought out decisions based on complex circumstances. Please think more carefully before you outright condemn people!

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There are a lot of reasons a woman might not want a baby. Mine is because my mother was like an immature, mentally ill baby that I had to raise my entire childhood, and who damaged me so severely it took me decades to overcome it. By then it was too late.

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It is natural to have kids when a couple get married. The reason everyone of us were/are brought into this world because your parents decision to have you. Giving the right attention and being a mature and responsible parents, the kids will grow up as a responsible and mature people just like us. The kids will definitely meet the wrong people that will alter their path to the wrong side but the parents can steer them back to the right path. There are people who prefer to be single, prefer to get married but without kid or even divorce. There are people who are event gay or lesbian. Those are not the natural path but it's the path that they have decided. This is a forum thread for people who do not have children and make a comment whether they regret it. If you are still young and it's difficult as you do not see the the impact yet. Your life is not complete without children and you will miss a lot of support and rapport in your older days. Look at this article.

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 . Unless the parents are not in the condition to have kids , for example not earning enough to survive and living is a 3rd world country where the children will not be taken care of and you know you can't nature the kids. In fact, it's better to be single if in such condition...

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I want to thank everyone who has shared their thoughts and experiences in this thread. This is exactly what I need right now.

I'm 24, and my husband is 28. We got married 6 years ago, and though we've had our struggles, we have every intention of growing old together. We don't have any kids right now. He had one when he was 15, and gave her up for adoption (something he mourns, but does not regret). Anyway, he doesn't really want any more children, but we married with the idea that it would probably happen one day. I really like kids, and (after high school) have always pictured having them in my future, but it's looking more unlikely.

My husband recently came out as a Transwoman, something I'm happy with. Opinions on this aside, we're now at the decision on whether we want to freeze his sperm before he undergoes hormones, or not. As he is, he is not parent material. We live with my brother who has his 4 year-old 50% of the time. We spend a great deal of time with the tyke, but my spouse is a bit... strict. He has very little patience with kids, and has trouble understanding their motives, which makes for conflicts galore. It's gotten to the point where he pretty much doesn't want to deal with the child at all.

I can't raise a child with that person. I can't guarantee that hormones will change my spouse into being an empathetic mother, and he has little empathy right now.

So I've reached a cross roads in my life. If I decide against children, then I might have a chance latter on, but I don't want to hold onto that hope only to have it crushed later on. Or do I chance finding someone new to start a family with? I love my spouse. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I can't have my cake and eat it too.

Thanks to this thread, I see that I have a great deal more options down the "childfree" path than I originally saw. I can volunteer. I can be a foster parent (older kids are easier to understand than 4 year-olds). I can be a Big Sister. I can be the awesome Aunt (which I'm already working on). I've also run across another gal who said her passion as an artist fills the "void" that a kid would occupy.

I don't think my biological clock will stop ticking loudly for a while (and it is so LOUD!), and I'm not even sure that my want of children isn't purely/mostly hormone driven, but if I find something that makes me happy, I think I'll be okay.

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please consider being a foster parent. my cousin does this. there are so many kids out there that need you. another option might be the big sister program. i know this would never take the place of not having your own child, but that's not the purpose anyway. the point is you are where you are for a reason, even as hard as it is to except (I say this to convince myself. having a rough time tonight dealing with not having children of my own). your reason for being here could very well be because you are needed by a child that is out there waiting for you. perhaps your own difficult childhood with your mother has helped to prepare you for this purpose. please try to give up the pills (with assistance) and live the purposeful life you were meant to live. you are on this earth for a reason. you are valued and needed.
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you don't need IVF. I had two babies naturally at 40 and 45. Do not make the mistake of not having children.. It is the most important thing in your life. It is the point of life.
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I never regret not having children, I still don't, and I never will.
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