Former bf penis is very big

The vagina is capable of accepting a wide range of penis sizes, so I don't see an issue there.  4.5" is within the normal size range for a penis but he is probably very sensitive about its size anyways.  Actually, it should be measured from the base.  There is a puffy area at the base of his penis which hides part of it on most guys.  Wrap your thumb and forefinger around the base and push this fleshy area back against the pubis while keeping the fingers firmly at the base.  You may very well find him to actually be 5" to 5.5".

Porn makes it look like all normal men have a huge penis.  Top that off with your ex having 9", he probably feels inadequate.  If he believes his penis is too small to bring you pleasure, you have a very depressed and anxious boyfriend.

How does he feel to you?  Does it feel good to you? If so there shouldn't really be a problem.  As they say, how you use it is more important than its size.  For some women, though, they really need to feel a tight full sensation during sex to really enjoy it.  Does this describe you?  Even so, the two of you should be able to work this out with additional sex techniques.

If you used to be able to cum during penetrative sex and now you can't because it is not hitting the areas you need, have you been doing other sexual activities?  Most women do not have an orgasm from penile penetration alone.  Usually either direct or indirect clitoral stimulation is required.  Does he give you oral sex?  If so, does he do it well?  If not then you may need to tell him what is feeling good for you and what isn't. Show him how you like to be touched, teach him how to masturbate you the way you need it.  How do you feel about him?  Do you love him?  Are you willing to work with him on this while giving encouragement? (Men do have sensitive egos about their penis)

What about him? Does he claim you feel too loose?  He might be used to masturbating with a tight frictionless hand, so he might be  used to a tighter feel.  If so he needs to adapt.  No well lubed fully turned on woman is going to feel that tight unless they are virgins and even they relax if their partner takes their time.  As for being too loose, keep in mind women routinely have babies (pretty big) pass through their vagina and yet return to a satisfying sex life for both her and her partner, despite the penis being much smaller comparatively.

I have tried to cover a range of issues since the information provided is not very specific.  If what I said does not apply, please provide me with more information if you would like to discuss it. No matter the situation, the two of you should be able experiment and find a mutually satisfying sex life but it might take some work.  If you love each other a little - or a lot if need be - work is well worth it.

 

 

 

He doesn't like to suck me. He said its boring. He only romance and then we start. Sex with him is kinda boring. I tried talking to him about the sucking issue and he still doesn't like it but he wants me to suck him and I don't like for people to look under me unless they're sucking me and I love him very much.

What you are describing is all too common. Since sex education is so taboo most people blunder through sex. It often takes a guy years to learn he doesn't know as much about sex as he thinks he does. Some never learn. Part of this is cultural, our media (especially porn) and even our upbringing suggests sex is all about the penis.

I have an appointment but when I get back, if you are interested, I would like to suggest some sites that I think will help you. A good part of this is sex education for yourself as well as him. None of these are porn sites, their purpose is sex education only and many are made by women for women. I really think these would help you. I am not sure about the rules regarding posting links so it might be through this site's messaging. Are you interested?

Yes I'm interested n thank you

Great! Give me some time though. The last time I looked these up was ab out 6 months ago as part of what you might call continuing sex ed. My wife and I both periodically looking to improve our sex lives and how we can better please each other. Not only do we refresh our memories, we also look into the experiences of others. It helps more than just long term relationships, each person is different and what works for one may not work for someone else. An expert knows they are not an expert. You have to explore and learn about each partner, and they are the best teacher. Exploration and experimentation are a big part of the fun!

I am looking but I no longer have the links from before, so I have to find them all over again. A quick search gives a lot of possibilities and many look good, but I really don't want to just push out information without checking it first. I want to make sure these links are good and will not try to direct you to porn sites and other things like that. I am not dissing porn, enjoy it as you like it (there are many varieties), but sex education and porn are not the same thing.

I will get back with you when I have done some research. This will probably take me a few days. Thanks!

I'd like to know more about this too.

(going from large to smaller).

I would be happy to help you find the information you seek but you should know the focus has changed some. As I wrote above, the vagina is capable accepting a wide range of penis sizes comfortably. The question really focuses on what aspect seems to not feel right and why. So let me ask you a some questions that will help us focus on the core issues involved. If you prefer you can just wait to see the results but that may not be helpful for you,

Please note that we can discuss some of these privately if you are uncomfortable discussing them here publicly. We should discuss as much as we can here to take advantage of the forum format. The primary benefits are that we might get advice from more viewpoints, we might learn from the experiences of others with similar issues, and we might be able to help others with similar issues who may read this in the future.

Moving on to the questions, please feel free to skip any that do not apply.

Is it you or your partner who feels the size is wrong? Or perhaps both? Does feel the vagina is too loose for him? Is he concerned he is too small to please you? Is he self conscious about his penis size knowing your former partner was largerf? Does he have some other concern? Were you able climax with your larger former partner and you cannot now, or perhaps you can but they are not as intense? Do you really enjoy the full feeling of a large penis and find the smaller one not as appealing? Does the sex between you and your partner primarily focus on penetrative sex? Do the two of you enjoy other forms of sex such as oral or mutual masturbation? Is there a reluctance from one or both you to perform some sexual activities, such as oral sex? If so, do you think this is related to the problems you are experiencing? If there is reluctance and you believe it might be a factor, what do you think is the reason for the reluctance?

I might not be asking the right questions, so please tell me as best you can what you feel the problem is and if you can think of any additional information that might be useful. Are there any topics you would like me to particularly focus on?

Let me preface this by saying I am sorry how long this has taken me. I have very little experience in actually writing these things down. Normally these would be part a conversation. So I am new to this and I have found this to be immensely challenging. I have never been a good writer. I imagine this is poorly constructed and not in the best order. Also I tend to discuss things that may seem like they don't belong. This is because all of this is interrelated and are an important part of the whole. There is so much missing as it is. I will try to do better to compartmentalize. A worse problem is I talk too much.

Your last post indicated he is reluctant, actually it looks more like he refuses, to expand your sex lives and make both of your sexual experiences as fulfilling it could be. I would like to address part of that issue today, so I am going to focus on cunninlingus to help men learn about it. This is a lead in the next post, which I actually wrote first. Well, most of it actually. There are some things I need to adjust to link these better, but is mostly done.

I am in no way intending to suggest her pleasure is more important than his, they are both very important. Many men already know a great deal about oral sex for her and this post does not apply to them. (Although I would suggest sex is an ongoing learning process without end.) Some comments are meant for men who are reluctant and some for those who don't even want to try. Please remember that this is not for the vast majority of men who are interested in satisfying their partner, and I mean no disrespect. Perhaps there will be something useful here for you as well.

As to the original topic, I will being posting some techniques that can increase the sensation of size in the near future. These will not involve any "tightening" concoctions, which I would not recommend using.

And before going on, I want to emphasize one of the most basic and yet most important part of sharing sexually, communication. Communicating is always very important regardless of what you do together. It is critical if you want to learn how best to please your partner. Yet this is something we often do not do. I think this may be a leftover from older sex taboos. Without going into details it went something like this:

He must appear confident and knowledgeable about sex so he can calm the frightened innocent and guide her into sex, although he himself only learned about it the night before. She dare not speak of sex at all or he may accuse her of being impure and a w****.


Whatever the reason, this is something we need to get past. When it comes to pleasing your partner, the best resource is your partner. Use it!

Studies have shown as many as 70% of women do not achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone. The vast majority of women require additional stimulation of their clitoris in order to climax. I say additional because "internal orgasms" are actually a result of clitoral stimulation from inside the vagina or anus. Making sure she is fully aroused combined with a little knowledge of female anatomy - which really does help - might be able to improve this. Mental/emotional stimulation is also very important for women, it is often said that a woman's largest sexual organ is her brain. (Actually they this about men too.) This is something men have a hard time understanding since they don't work that way.

Many women think there is something wrong with them, that maybe they are broken, because they aren't orgasming from penetration. This raises the question of why a natural biological fact - widely understood medically - which affects such a large portion of our population is so misunderstood? Our media just about universally shows women in the throws of ecstasy from penetration only and that teaches us - falsely - that this is what sex is and it should routinely result her reaching climax.

If you care for your partner and want them to fully enjoy sex with you, you need to pay attention to her needs as well as yours. Let's put to rest the idea that sex only revolves around the penis (there are exercises to help with this). Women enjoy variety just as much as you do. As the statistics above show, the penis alone may not be enough to fully satisfy your partner. There are numerous ways to enhance your partner's pleasure as well as your own.

One of the most effective and desired techniques is cunninlingus, oral sex for women. This can provide some of the most intense, mind blowing, toe curling orgasms she has ever had. It has a good chance of being her first orgasm as well. With our culture's obsession with penile penetration, and the difficulty for so many woman to climax from that penetration, there are many women who have never had an orgasm before. (Wouldn't it be wonderful if you were the first to give her one? Not that this is guaranteed to bring her to climax, there are many factors to orgasm.) This is a very intimate act that shows great respect for her needs and dedication to her well-being.

Just as fellatio can be done at any stage of sex, so can cunninlingus. It is wonderful just by itself. It is great for foreplay. You can use it mid-session to keep the intensity hot. It can also be used at the end as a relaxing way to cool down, or to help finish her off if she did not climax prior or would just like another one. To shorten the list, lets just say it is great at any time. A good exercise in learning how to please is to spend at least one whole day for her only (although she could help him along after she is done, but only after.)

There are benefits for you as well. Many men find cunnilingus incredibly arousing. Seeing her respond with pleasure at his touch can be intoxicating! Not only can it excite her and get her warmed up, it can do the same for you. I am not saying you are just going to love it from the get go. At first, you may need some time to get accustomed to it. But it gets better and better. Surely you have commonly heard talk about how wonderful it can be for men? And if you need another incentive, not only will she appreciate it, she may very well have ideas on how she can reward you!

Not sure how to proceed? Do some research. There are lot of great books available at bookstores and even at your local library. Something to look for is material about from the women's point of view. There is also a lot of information online, just be careful what source you are using and you should confirm it if you can. Just as with books, don't limit yourself to sources geared solely for men, women know what they like and often discuss sex just as men do. A real important way to learn is to ask her. She is an expert on what pleases her. There are a variety of ways you could go about this, but that is for a future discussion,

What if she doesn't know either? Try something and see how she responds. Then try something else then ask what she really liked and what worked the best for her. A bit of mutual experimentation and exploration can be an enjoyable erotic exercise, it certainly can be fun. Do remember to be gentle (unless she tells you otherwise), you may like rough sex but you should ensure she does as well before trying it. A woman might tolerate it for your benefit but it may not be very pleasurable for her and even a total turnoff. You want her to want to have sex with you again sometime in the future.

Here are a few suggestions. Try different things. Ask how she likes to be touched, ask her if she is willing to show you how she masturbates. She may enjoy you exploring her sex as your mouth massages other sensitive areas. Reverse it and massage with your fingers while exploring her sex with your mouth and tongue. Combine it, with one hand exploring inside stroking the upper portion of her vagina 1" to 2" in, with your finger(s) making a come hither motion to stimulate her g-spot, combined with oral massage, and with your other hand up top lightly pulling back to make her clitoral shaft (be very careful not over expose, ask her what feels good) slightly more exposed for your tongue to caress her vulva and around her now more exposed clitoris and sometimes the clitoris itself, alternating occasional massage with the top hand along he vulva. (A quick note about the clitoris, it can be very sensitive and the sensation can be too much or it may hurt. If you are not careful you might bruise it. Communicate with her about what she likes.) Some women like anal play as additional stimulation but do not assume. If she likes it, this does not necessarily mean she wants insertion, she will either let you know or you can ask. Likewise, anal play does not mean she wants penile penetration. Let her tell you or ask her.

If you are reluctant out of concern about something, like taste or smell, there are things that can be done to address these issues and improve your comfort. Let me know if you need some suggestions. A willingness to try goes a long way.

If you just don't want to do it, is that fair? You should be giving as good as you are getting. If she won't reciprocate then maybe you have a point. But if she does for you then you should do for her.

Consider this: A blow job has almost become a standard these days. Not always to completion, but used in foreplay and off and on throughout. But when it is taken to completion, a woman is typically expected to allow him to cum in her mouth if that is his desire, furthermore, she should be willing to swallow it. Sometimes a woman is expected to allow rough thrusting in her mouth and into her throat, with control of depth and duration solely in his hands, often called a face f*.

Quite a few woman willingly - enthusiastically even - provide blow jobs, many do allow him to come in her mouth, and a growing number are willing to swallow. And there are women who will go along with face f*'ing. Some really enjoy these activities but many enjoy it simply because you enjoy it. Your joy becomes hers. They want to please you, enjoy pleasing you, and are often willing to go the extra mile for you.

If a woman is willing to do this for you, why would you not do it for her as well? You get it all but she gets nothing? Despite the fact she enjoys variety and oral sex just as much as you? Do you think this is fair or right? Many men take pride in being a good lover. I've got news for you, if you are not willing to consider her needs and do everything in your power to make sex the best it can be for her - and by extension you, then you are not a good lover. In fact, you are the opposite of a good lover. For a quick test, are you giving as well as you are getting?
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Because it is closely related to this post, the next post will discuss ways she can help get it started. Then we will get to enhancing the sensation of size. If you have any suggestions or experiences you would like to share, please post them. How I could do a better job would is much appreciated.

It sounds like he has been given a lot of misinformation - no surprise, men usually get their initial knowledge from their friends and porn. You might consider asking him to read the information I wrote earlier. Maybe that would help. It depends on what kind of guy he is, it might be more than his ego can stand. What really concerns me is if he is abusive. I am not suggesting he is, you have not indicated this is happening, but it is a potential factor and should be mentioned. It doesn't fit here so I will make only a short plea: For those women in abusive situations, please get out and go to woman's shelter and seek counseling. You do not deserve this, there is help, and you do not have to live this way.

In addition to being misinformed, I believe he has a problem with self image and esteem. You have undoubtedly seen a lot of articles by now where these issues are discussed in order to help women improve their lives, sex included. So I know that you are aware of the negative pressures our society places on women. This is a common problem for women. What isn't commonly recognized is this is also a common problem for men, just in different ways. Good luck with getting them to admit it, though. (Quick clarification: Men have the benefit of privilege in our culture, this is an immense advantage. I do not mean equate the experiences between the two.)

A good example is penis size. This topic greatly affects men and it really does have long ranging consequences. It certainly is a good part of why men behave the way they do. And since size is part of the issue here, it is especially important we discuss it a bit. I have written up what I think will be an enlightening post. But it does not fit well with our focus today. I just need to clean it up and write an opening, so you can expect to see it soon. I really hope you will read it.

Having mentioned a few issues I think are affecting his behavior, I honestly don't know how to address it. Suggesting ways you can help motivate him to expand his sexual repertoire is one thing. How to deal with interpersonal issues in a relationship is another. If the problems are significant, counseling should be considered. But it can be difficult to get him to go with you. If he just won't work with you regarding sex and your relationship, then I think you are looking at a failing relationship. Possibly even an unhealthy one.

Discussing sex with him can be difficult for a number of reasons, not just his behavior. Women are often uncomfortable talking about sex and really uncomfortable telling him what they want. Due to double standards, women have been called a s***, w****, any number of other names if they have the audacity of wanting to enjoy sex. Yet men are praised for the very same thing. I think this is changing but it seems to be changing at an awfully slow pace. Hold on a second...

A quick note to the guys: Come on guys, this is not only wrong but stupid. It is so obviously a double standard without any merit, this should have stopped a while ago. I know most of you don't believe this c**p but we need to call others on it when it happens.

Everybody:: Sex is about mutual respect, pleasure, and satisfaction and a woman has every much a right to these as any man. Play well together and the rewards can be indescribable.

Thanks, continuing on...

Let me reinforce this: Sex is about mutual respect, pleasure, and satisfaction and a woman has every much a right to these as any man. This should be obvious and beyond debate. I doubt he disagrees with this, yet because of our cultural taboos, many (most?) of them don't realize (yet) what that means. The reasons for this would take a book (or two, or three) to cover properly and fairly. It means that sometimes you are going to have to insist on your sexual rights. I know that is not easy. Understatement. If you like, we can discuss scenarios of how this might go.

With male egos it can be difficult to tell a man what you would like him to do without hurting his feelings. However, if he truly cares about you and wants to bring you pleasure, he should be very attentive. He should be eager to learn how better to bring you the same joy and pleasure he receives from you. (Although in reality there is some give and take, your sexual enjoyment is not always going to be as much as his, and vice versa. There is going to be some give & take. This applies with power play as well,) If he does not then that is a strong indicator that he is not mature enough for a serious relationship. Either that or he is a self-centered jackass. Whichever applies.

In regards to cunninlingus, how you approach this depends on your relationship and your assessment of his maturity. If you have a relationship of trust where you can discuss just about anything, then you should be able to level with him. Some other ideas that should get him to give this some effort includes telling him you had this erotic dream where he went down on you and it was just so incredible! You had an immense orgasm! You would really like to make that dream a reality. Or it can be put as a fantasy, you have always had this fantasy about a guy going down on you, bringing you to orgasm with his mouth and tongue combined with his stroking your clit and exploring your sex with his fingers. If a guy doesn't jump on that he is an id**t! Or maybe not into women.

Guys really don't know what to expect at first when giving head to a woman despite all they have been told by others. So he may very well be gun shy about it. There are some things you can do to make it easier for him. Hygiene is critical. We all smell as the day progresses which can turn off someone new to this. A shower before engaging in it will make it easier. There are a few related suggestions a little further in.

The next biggest thing he needs is feedback. He doesn't know what feels good to you, and most likely he is afraid to ask and that you'll think him totally clueless, and if it appears like you aren't really enjoying it, they are not likely to try again. When he does something you like, tell him or show him by your reactions. If he needs more help, you can guide him. Take his hand and rub yourself with it in a way you enjoy. Take his head in hand and guide him to the right spot, tell him lustfully right there, right there! (You may do this anyway if you climax.) If you manage not to laugh, a bit of dirty talk can go along way. Ask those who do it regularly, they will tell how good it can work.

For those who noticed, yes, sometimes it involves a little acting. Because you don't want to hurt his feelings, you do this to help guide him. A bit of acting is also used for really great sex, both men and women can use it. Most people don't make much noise during sex, but porn has us trained to expect certain sounds. Taking the pleasure you already have and exhibiting it just a little more enthusiastically, is all it takes and it is often a big boost in sexual intensity. Done at the right time, it can push your partner, male or female, over the edge into orgasm. I don't mean faking it. Unless you are a professional, I really don't think that is a good idea at all. You are simply telling your partner how much you enjoy what he is doing through other means. Just be sure not to overdo it.

To show how men can do this as well, let me give a simple example. While he going down on you, trying to please, perhaps using some of the techniques mentioned earlier, instead of only concentrating on what he is doing, he might want to moan and hum a bit. Oh, yes, women can be given hummers as well, and they really can turn up the heat. The moaning should be just loud enough that she can barely tell. You want this to be more subconscious than conscious, As long as you don't think he's hurt, it can be a real turn on. If necessary, he will just reassure and demonstrate he is much more than ok.(Usually when a woman stops to see if he is ok, it is because she is not used to, or have never heard, a guy moaning except when he is the beneficiary.) There are many ways to hum and different places to do it. I like to work it in with a little moaning, not constantly, building a rhythm with the sensation of touch, sound, and vibration. There is a good chance you won't even notice he is humming, because it is not constant and it is worked into the rhythm, the sound hidden by the gentle moans of pleasure he is making. Again, I never recommend faking it, faking often doesn't work because it isn't believable. For the technique I just mentioned, he should really enjoy cunninlingus or it won't nearly be as good. The sounds and vibration might be there, but the touch just won't be anywhere near the same. The real deal is hard to miss and has physiological reactions that cannot be hidden if you care to look. The good news is after a little experience, many men, maybe even most, start to love doing it and they start showing the same reactions.

Now that I think about it, maybe I should have put this in the men's section? I hadn't written it yet. If you would like him to try it, you could cut and paste for it for him. . This is just one technique, there are many more.. Really the only limit is the imagination. This is an why he should be willing to give you oral sex, the pleasure can be shared in so many ways, he should want to please you. This, and many other sex techniques, are important for your sexual health and maintaining a loving sexual relationship. If necessary, you may have to insist on your sexual rights. A quick note for those of you who have been taught the vagina is smelly, gross, whatever; I urge you to give it a try, I think you will be amazed.

I need to insert a correction here. I said faking instead is not a good idea, but there are a few situations where it can work well. An obvious example is roleplay, but I mean in actual sex, not just playing a role. There are some fantasies where this is required if you want to go an extra mile or two for your partner. He should be willing to do the same for you. I won't go into those here.

About taste and smell:

Each woman has her own smell and taste, and these change as her hormones change, meaning there is some fluctuation during your menstrual cycle. This can be neutral, kind of sweet, and sometimes slightly tart. These are all good, I assure you.

But there are some things which can make the taste more strongly tart, almost a twang. Hygiene is the key here but it is more than just taking a shower every day. (I know you already know this, I am just stating the obvious.) We all sweat, and since we have reached puberty, there are odors and even taste involved. I imagine you have already noticed how this affects your partner's taste and smell. A quick shower, preferably together so you can play and tease each other, will alleviate these problems.

So what if you don't have time to take a shower before sex? Most of the time it is not nearly as bad as you fear it to be. But if needed, it actually isn't difficult to remove most of this. Go to the bathroom for a few minutes and air out your pants and undergarments. The sweat odor will dissipate quickly. This helps how you taste as well since a lot of test is actually smell. That is why you often hold your nose when have to drink something yucky. If it wasn't related to smell then holding your nose would do nothing. Take a damp cloth, paper towel, toilet paper, or even your damp fingers if you have nothing else, and rinse the area he is going to be intimately involved with. Don't do too much. You don't want damp clothes, and unless you are really in need of a bath, it really doesn't take much. While you are there, if you have trouble with lubricating sufficiently on your own, this would be a good time to take a small dab of lube and insert it into your vagina. This will help with the lubrication if you don't want to deal with the issue in his presence and he will never know. Actually, it will probably turn him on further. Why you ask? One of the signs of sexual excitement is the wetness released around your vagina, natural lubrication in preparation for sex. When he reaches down to play with you and stimulate you he will feel how wet you are, a sure sign you are really turned on by him! He doesn't need to know the details.

If needed, a guy with a little experience can handle the issue well himself. First he does what he can reduce his sweat buildup and smell just like I mentioned for women. Then as the couple begins making love, if the woman has taken her clothes off the sweat odor has already had a chance to dissipate. If she has her pants on still, he can help undress her and kiss her, play with and suck on her breasts or her belly, whatever goodies are available, allowing the trapped air to escape. Now he may still encounter the actual sweat still covering her body. But that is removed with simple lick or two and any tart flavor present is now gone. It is all pleasant and wonderful from there on out and he never has to say or do anything that might embarrass her.

I wasn't sure where to put this, originally it was going to be in front. But there were things coming up that I thought might be good to cover first. Then I couldn't figure out a good place. I have covered a lot of information without really saying much directly to you and I should. So I am going to do this now.

I am still not sure what the underlying problems really are. It has not been clarified if the perceived problem is that he is too small, or that you are too loose, or if he just needs an education, or what have you.

I got a bit distracted when I found out he doesn't want to try. That concerns me. I don't understand why he would not at least try. I would bet he has expectations for you, like I mentioned in my last epistle. I can't see how it could be healthy to be in a relationship where he apparently doesn't care about your needs.

Without more information to go on, I have been working on the idea it is a sex education issue on one side, and fear of taste/smell on the other, and self image problems leading to the behavior you described. He may be afraid of failure, he may not have been successful from lack of experience and couldn't admit it. I am kinda leaning that direction. Using positive encouragement would be a good suggestion but my impression is he is not someone who can handle discussing what would help because he would simply take it as criticism. The positive encouragement and some oohs and ahhs, while unobtrusively guiding him might do the trick. Success breeds success. Couples counseling or seeing a sex therapist would be good to try. If he loves you and wants to work it out he will go. (Nothing says uh oh like being told you want to go to counseling.)

If he is just not going to do it, you have to decide if he worth keeping. You obviously love him (that might be waning) or you wouldn't be here seeking advice. If you really want to keep him you would be faced with two options (very simplified): #1 Let it go and hope it will get better somehow, or # 2 Lay down the law and insist on your sexual rights. Of course, if you take option # 2 and he still won't, you can go back to # 1 or you can kick him out. After all that, I would have to suggest option # 2.

Up next the penis problem, then dealing with size.

yes, I'm interested too, Thank You.

Penis size is inherently a part of the original post and this is an important aspect. An understanding of how this affects him is beneficial when working though relationship issues. So I am going to into some detail about it. This topic greatly affects men and it really does have long ranging consequences. It certainly is a good part of why men behave the way they do. I hope this will shed some light on it.

Full disclosure: I'm a guy. Therefore bias can affect my reasoning. I don't think this has any effect on what I wrote here, but you should always consider the source.

Men have a penis problem. They have penis on the brain, a big one. And it is so heavy it is screwing their egos into the ground. Unless one is well hung, there is little else - I am playing it safe here, personally I really think it is nothing else - that could cause more anxiety. The reason for this is, rightly or wrongly, this is considered a key indicator of manliness. A guy with a smaller penis is thought of as a wimp, feminine, or of questionable sexuality. On the other hand, the larger guy is considered the more masculine, virile, and confident man. (This last point is somewhat true, a larger man often is more confident if they know they are larger. Often times however, especially due to the prevalence of porn and the penile giants employed, they actually don't realize it and thus lose the potential benefits they might have had.) To a guy, penis size is a direct indicator of his ability to please a woman sexually and of prime importance in his attractiveness.

The issue is so ingrained in the male mind that penis size has an effect on just about everything, whether consciously or unconsciously. Naturally men are going to be concerned about how they measure up and will do some comparisons. Different sources list slightly different norms but they are close enough to not really matter. However, it appears the values we have been using for quite a while now have a fatal flaw, they're wrong. (netdoctor - Facts About Penis Size) It turns out the doctors doing the study did not actually do the measuring. Instead they let the subjects measure it themselves in private. With the tremendous anxiety surrounding penis size, with bigger definitely being better, anybody see a problem with letting them measure it themselves?

These measurements were going to be compared against each other to find the average and normal size ranges. Sure, they wouldn't be present so they wouldn't be embarrassed, but when has that mattered in a penis contest? Surely a little fudging won't hurt, right? With the intense social pressure regarding this, there is no minor differences in size. An eighth of a inch might as well be a mile. The result? Exaggerated statistics pushing the average way up. So all this time, men have been comparing themselves to this to see how they measure up, using data that is significantly skewed in a negative way. The resulting calculated average was something like an inch or a little more too high. This resulted in a lot of normally sized guys who thought they were sexually inadequate, and that women really wouldn't want a smaller guy, therefore they would not want him. Maybe when nothing better is around, but when something better - read that as bigger - does come around, she may very well leave him. I imagine this is part of the jealousy and control issues some men have.

This little error has done a tremendous amount of damage to male self-esteem. You want to know what made it worse? You already know the answer, porn. Porn makes it look like the average guy is actually pretty big. Us guys see that and realize we don't quite cut it. (Quite? No we miss it by a mile.) Now not only were they told they were inadequate, here was proof positive! All of these men were much larger, sometimes even larger than is considered the normal range. Did I say this was worse? I'm sorry, I meant this was devastating! In their minds, men now knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that theirs is smaller than any normal man, so now they believe they are freakishly short! What woman would want a guy like that?

Most men honestly believe that while porn may be slightly exaggerated - it isn't, it is hugely exaggerated - they still should come very close at least or women will not be satisfied. And those of us who know, and even know better, still feel too small as a result.

It can get worse, I haven't said anything about when he is flaccid. The size when not erect varies a great deal. Nature's practical joke on many men. For some it doesn't change very much, for others the change is tremendous. The penis may look like a child's and actually be beyond average when erect. Its can get even worse, remember that fleshy area I mentioned that might hide part of his shaft? As he gains weight, which is happening a lot these days, fat forms around the area hiding even more of the penis. Depending on his weight, and a little extra shrinkage on a given day, it may look like he doesn't have a penis at all! (This really does happen sometimes and it incredibly harmful to his self worth. And that is a huge understatement.) Yet I assure you, when erect it would be of perfectly normal size.

And no matter what we like to say to make us feel better, size does matter to many women. Just not usually as much as what we fear. A good part of the problem is our cultural obsession with penile penetration. We are led to believe - not taught because they don't bother with that, who needs an education anyway? - that it is all about the penis! So much so that guys don't seem to care how she feels because the penis is supposed to be enough for her too! If not then there must be something wrong with her, maybe she is frigid? (What a bunch of elephant sized dung hoppers!)

In addition, the same pressures put upon women shape a man's view of what is normal and expected of women. An important part of growing up for both men and women is gaining a more balanced understanding of these issues and the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. The reason I said more balanced is because they are pretty much left to figure this out for themselves and it is unlikely all these issues will be resolved by the time they enter into relationships with each other. Ah, education today! Ain't it grand? Alright, beyond the snark, there are areas our education system can be improved, this is definitely one of them. (And if you're not sure, I don't mean orgies in the classroom, which some politicians have claimed would be the result of sex ed. Relationships affect all aspects of our lives, and learning how to have better relationships certainly does not require hands on training in sex.)

By the way, all of this means your boyfriend's penis is not only normal, but with a bit of flesh at the base he might not be doing bad at all, but he will never feel like he is normal. Especially if he knows your ex was so large. This will probably be a lifelong issue for him

Ladies, if you love your man, do not say negative things about his penis, not even as a light hearted joke. This is a really serious and sensitive issue and you can really hurt him regardless of your intent. He would not admit it, but could lead to long term or even lifelong mental hang ups.

Coming up next, how to increase the sensation of size and maybe a few misc techniques. Please let me know if there any subjects I have not covered that you would like me to discuss. I really don't know if the information I have been providing is of any benefit. Feedback on how to improve, subjects to cover, or any additional details that might help me zero in on the underlying issues, would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Cathy, thanks for your interest! Would you have any suggestions on what I should discuss more, subjects that should be covered but haven't, zero in on any specific issues, etc.? The more I understand what you need the more I can try to get you any information you need.

Thank you!

- Miles / HypnoMorph

c**p. It looks like there are few parts I forgot to clean up. If anybody needs clarification, please let me know.

I've been with my current boyfriend for a couple of years now. Out of 5 boyfriends, (all sexual), he has the largest penis. He is about an inch shorter than Lovees ex and very thick, uncircumcized. It took me a while to get used to his size. Because of resent happenings, (our relationship getting stale and him leaving for school in another state), we may be splitting up soon.
There's other guys that I may want to date , so I'm concerned about the tightness factor also. I know I'm not as tight as I was before.