Me and my husband are divorced my 15 year old daughter still sleeps in the bed with me when she stays over even though she has her own room that dosen't concern but she still sleeps in her fathers bed with him as well. He told me he tries to get her to sleep in her own room at his house but in the middle of the night when he's fast asleep she sneaks into his bed (his bed is a king size and mine is queen size). Im just wondering if its healthy for her to still be sleeping with us and if not what should i do.
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Hi can I ask how long has this been happening for, is it something that has started just after you separated or more recent?
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So just to be clear. I want to make sure that I'm understanding what you're saying.
15yo daughter sleeps with you - you'd rather she didn't, but you're okay with it. She does the same thing at your ex-husband's place, and this concerns you. Is that an accurate assessment?
First thing - is she open to the idea of counseling, to dig deeper in to why she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping the whole night in her own room. She might be able to get to the bottom of what is really going on there.
Second thing - there is something that leads you to believe that your daughter and ex-husband's relationship is more than it appears. You use words like "she sneaks into his bed". What are your concerns there? Have you talked to her about this and let her know that even if it is all innocent and loving, that there is an unhealthy "perception" going on at that point?
My own personal opinion of this: Every kid's needs are different. Figure out what your daughter's needs are here, as soon as possible. When my daughter was younger, she often came to our bedroom, usually in the middle of the night, and would cuddle up to one of us (usually me since the wife is a very restless sleeper). Don't read much into it regarding father/daughter in that regard. Often, young girls will have a stronger bond with their fathers in the younger years. That changes as the girl grows up, and she turns to her mother to help her make the transition from girl to young woman. Again, every girl is different so when and how that happens is going to be unique to your situation.
Now, to your question - 15yo seems pretty old for this type of continued behavior, hence the reason I suggested counseling. By this point in their physical and mental development, the child should be well on the way to trying to distance themselves from you and prepare to leave the nest, not trying to strengthen the bond further. It may have something to do with the divorce - maybe this is her way of feeling love and affection from you. Again, counseling :)
My daughter very quickly quit the nighttime excursions to our bedroom once she hit the early stages of puberty (around 10yo). Her privacy became paramount to her.
Bottom line, is it healthy for your daughter to do this behavior? Depends on WHY she's doing it. This may be something she needs. Counseling ...
15yo daughter sleeps with you - you'd rather she didn't, but you're okay with it. She does the same thing at your ex-husband's place, and this concerns you. Is that an accurate assessment?
First thing - is she open to the idea of counseling, to dig deeper in to why she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping the whole night in her own room. She might be able to get to the bottom of what is really going on there.
Second thing - there is something that leads you to believe that your daughter and ex-husband's relationship is more than it appears. You use words like "she sneaks into his bed". What are your concerns there? Have you talked to her about this and let her know that even if it is all innocent and loving, that there is an unhealthy "perception" going on at that point?
My own personal opinion of this: Every kid's needs are different. Figure out what your daughter's needs are here, as soon as possible. When my daughter was younger, she often came to our bedroom, usually in the middle of the night, and would cuddle up to one of us (usually me since the wife is a very restless sleeper). Don't read much into it regarding father/daughter in that regard. Often, young girls will have a stronger bond with their fathers in the younger years. That changes as the girl grows up, and she turns to her mother to help her make the transition from girl to young woman. Again, every girl is different so when and how that happens is going to be unique to your situation.
Now, to your question - 15yo seems pretty old for this type of continued behavior, hence the reason I suggested counseling. By this point in their physical and mental development, the child should be well on the way to trying to distance themselves from you and prepare to leave the nest, not trying to strengthen the bond further. It may have something to do with the divorce - maybe this is her way of feeling love and affection from you. Again, counseling :)
My daughter very quickly quit the nighttime excursions to our bedroom once she hit the early stages of puberty (around 10yo). Her privacy became paramount to her.
Bottom line, is it healthy for your daughter to do this behavior? Depends on WHY she's doing it. This may be something she needs. Counseling ...
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Hi, she is clearly seeking comfort and I don't think there is anything to worry about at all. She wants to remain close to you both and if you are comfortable with it then don't worry about it.
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Hi, she is clearly seeking comfort and I don't think there is anything to worry about at all. She wants to remain close to you both and if you are comfortable with it then don't worry about it.
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