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My daughter is almost 16 years old and I found out recently that she has had sexual enconters with her 14 year old boyfriend.  They have gone to a secluded hallway in the school and she gave him pleasure and he also inserted the tip of his penis just slightly.  I do believe that this is as far as it went for now.  I was most upset that I suspected something was going on and they both kept lying to me when I asked.

My wife found a pregnancy test in her desk drawer in her room.  After a very long talk we realized that it was unlikely she would have been pregnant based on how far it went, and I do believe they are telling the truth about this now, however he did not use a condom.  My daughter says that she just freaked out a little and bought the test even though she knew it was very unlikely.  She also said she considers herself a virgin because he didn't go in all the way.

We had a few days of several talks and of course I imposed more restrictions than they already such as not allowing her to go in to school until just in time for class to start in the morning.  She also has the threat of me showing up at the school randomly and she knows me well enough to know that I will if I say I will.  He is only at her school in the morning this year because he is in an advanced middle school program that takes him to the high school a few hours a day.

After lots of discuss they have now promised to wait to do anything more until they have condoms and until I lift some of those restrictions that would allow them to have a more special intimate encounter instead of public at the school.  They both said that before we found out they had already decided they didn't want to take the chance at school anymore so I do believe that they will wait until they have a more suiting location.

Yesterday my daughter and I were talking and she told me that she wants me to give her permission to have an sexual relationship with him.  She says she is very much in love with him and she believes that she is ready, but she said she really wants me to approve.  I am not sure how to handle this one, I don't know if I can bring myself to approve.  I know there is a possibility that they will find a way before I give the approval but I could tell that she was very sincere.  I need some advice here.

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Don't feel pressurised to approve. If he is under-age (I don't know where you live) It would be approving an illegal activity. If she finds a way, she will do it without your approval. But you don't say why you can't bring yourself to approve.

I don't think "she is very much in love with him", and I think it would be a big mistake.

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Thank you for the response, you really made me think. I looked up age of consent in our area and it is 16, however there is a close in age exemption that covers 14 and 15 year olds that have relations with someone less than 4 years older.
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It sounds as though she wants your approval so that she can be open about the relationship and talk to you about any concerns in the future. I would try to keep those lines of communication open. As a father of girls I can relate to your situation, although mine have decided that they, who are much older, will wait until marriage before having sex. I would suggest you stress to her that even if you don't approve, you will still love and support her whatever she does. I would also point out to her that she can only lose her virginity once. I would tell her that it is not just a sexual activity, but a bonding action like no other. I have spoken to a number on this site who have regretted losing their virginity, and wished they had saved themselves.

If it would help, she could join this site, and I would be happy to chat confidentially with her, even through private message if necessary.

I hope this helps further, and if I can be of further assistance, please ask.
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Personally i would accomidate their needs. I would rather have a kid having protected sex than a kid having unprotected and getting knocked up. Try a birth control regime
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This is not as tough a situation as it seems. You need to require your daughter to attend a real sexual education class. Take her to the hospital so she can seem real people who have real AIDS and other STDs. Condoms don't protect you from STDs like people think and pregnancy. You are responsible for her until she is 18 and if she gets pregnant, your going to be dealing with this child as well. I'm telling you a 16 year old has no clue what being in love is. NONE. Today it's love, Tuesday she will hate him. She is not ready. You need to show her that she needs to wait and if he can't respect that than he needs to go. She respects you, now stand up and be the leader she expects you to be.
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I have to agree. Teenage girls these days flip their emotions around like wet mops.
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Justmephotography I love your comparison! I highly agree.
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Thumbs up me for it?
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