I have been dating a girl for 4 months, and recently found out she is BP2. She 1st said it was depression when we began dating, and then opened up more recently. Since then (about a week) I have surfed the net, read articles, and a book (Unquiet Mind). While she has never lashed out, and done some of the things I have read in forums, she definitely has down moods/ depression (alcohol an issue) and mania on the high side. She has meds, VVance, Trazadone, and an anti psychotic (begins with an R). She is very open about talking about her condition.
We are now long distance, and it is clear that hypersexuality is in play, and she has been with other guys. I will be seeing her very soon, and plan on getting the indisputable (texts from phone, or computer... i know the names to look for). I then plan on confront her by 1st telling her how much I have come to learn about the illness, that I love and support her, and address what I found. The ultimatum is to be that she goes to therapy (she has been blowing it off) and I would be happy to be part of it as well (she has told me so much, things nobody else knows). I have recently help her from a very difficult event... and it dawned on her a bit that nobody else has ever really cared/ been in her corner like I have.
This woman, is fantastic. She gets me, is loving,highly educated and well spoken (fluent in spanish). I want to be firm, but use the right approach so I am looking for advice on
1) exactly how to approach, and well
2) I suppose, want to know any educated guesses as to whether or not i will succeed.
Thank you for your time.
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Hi.
It sounds like you're in a complex situation and are trying to navigate it with care and understanding. Navigating a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder requires compassion, patience, and an open line of communication. Here are some thoughts and considerations:
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Approaching the Situation:
- Open Dialogue: Start the conversation by emphasizing your care and concern for her. It's vital to ensure that she feels safe and not attacked or judged.
- Avoid Confrontation: Confrontation, especially if it feels like an ambush, can push someone away or make them defensive. Instead of presenting "indisputable evidence," consider sharing your feelings and concerns based on what you've observed or felt.
- Ask Questions: Rather than making accusations, ask her about her experiences and feelings. This can provide more insight into her behavior and the underlying reasons.
- Offer Support: Emphasize your willingness to support her in getting the help she needs, whether it's attending therapy or finding other resources.
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Potential Outcomes:
- Acceptance: She might appreciate your support and understanding, recognizing the value of having someone who's there for her.
- Denial or Defensiveness: There's also a possibility that she might deny or become defensive about her actions. It's essential to stay calm and avoid escalating the situation.
- Therapy: Agreeing to therapy can be a big step. It's beneficial but requires commitment. It might take time for her to see the value or feel ready.
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Managing Expectations:
- Relationship Dynamics: While bipolar disorder can influence behavior, it doesn't excuse it. It's crucial to differentiate between the disorder and actions that might hurt the relationship.
- Set Boundaries: It's essential to set boundaries for what you can and cannot accept in a relationship, regardless of her condition.
- Seek Support: Consider seeking therapy or counseling for yourself. This can provide tools and coping strategies as you navigate the relationship.
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Educated Guesses:
- Predicting the outcome of such a conversation is challenging, as it depends on numerous factors including her current mental state, how she feels about the relationship, her personal insights into her behavior, and more.
- It's essential to be prepared for various outcomes. While your intention is to help and support, remember that you can only do so much. Her reactions and decisions are hers to make.
Lastly, while your support is commendable, it's essential to ensure you're also taking care of your emotional and mental well-being. Every relationship, especially ones with added complexities, requires mutual understanding and effort from both parties. If at any point you feel overwhelmed, consider seeking guidance from professionals or trusted individuals in your life.
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