I am a 22 year old male and have high functioning autism. For someone with something "high functioning" I sure wasnt functioning very well at all. Ever since I was a baby I was on one or another psych med. I tried SSRIs, SNRIs, SSNRIs, neuroleptics (aka antipsychotics) and nothing helped. Until I started smoking marijuana I could not even wear a tee shirt and even underwear was extremely uncomfortable. I was getting bombarded with thoughts from all directions, synesthesia, you name it. Couldnt focus in school or at home because of the background noise of the air conditioner and the flourecent lights, so I assaulted the A/C unit. I was hospitilized for violant outbursts, suicidal tendancies, ect, 3 times during the early course of my life on the shrinks poisons.


I started smoking pot at age 14, the first time I did it, all my symptoms dissapeared. from that point on I smoked every day until now at age 22. My life during the time I was smoking was great, I was able to socialize for the first time, verbal communication improved, I had a sex life and felt love for the first time, my hatred for humanity dissapeared.


Now I have moved to new mexico and dont qualify for the medicinal marijuana program up there, have no medicine left, and am on my last day. When I quit not only will I go through the typical not sleeping/eating plus anxiety that most people get. Im going to revert back to my old self, my evil self. I am so terrified of slipping back into "madness" and dont know what to do. I dont want to be the odd kid in the corner anymore when I have had a taste of normalcy. Also im very skinny and a few days without eating plus the sensory problems associated with autism could very well put me back in the hospital.Its so hard, Its like saying goodbye to my mind.