If you are Szichophrenic(sp) there is EXCELLENT medication for it and it is TOTALLY controllable. It is nothing to be ashamed of! You need to ask a doctor - DO NOT self diagnose ESPCIALLY on the internet. If you have had a family member then the chances are higher. Just like bi polar, get a good check up. The apartment by the sea sound SUBLIME!!!! XD That would be really good for you and the kids. Ask your cousin!
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Ive ALWAYS confused Schizophrenia with multy personality disorder...(which I know I do not have)Here is an example of disorgansied cognition.And hegihtened emotion....oh not going there.
Dont worry-I want self diagnose on the Internet!...
Girls got excited about this,,,,maybe should have kept my mouthshut, but true to say , I am not moving until I know its a safe place......anyway must dash.Thanks again
Dont worry-I want self diagnose on the Internet!...
Girls got excited about this,,,,maybe should have kept my mouthshut, but true to say , I am not moving until I know its a safe place......anyway must dash.Thanks again
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As soon as iam in an open space...I PANIC...clutch onto anything I can as my legs ceize up..I keep telling myself stop it,behave your being incredibly stupid..Calm down and breathe,,the more I try calaming down the worse I get ...because breathhing doesnt seem to be working. Again 20 mins late for work.Same ssceanrio as before crying and holding onto lamposts///Even watched the grenn man chane 4xs...everyone walking passed you thinking I must be pissed...or on something..No one helps even if you ask for help they run a mile...So even more stuck and panic panic..and feel gutted. i am sure its an inner ear infection, keep loosing my balance and going dizzy.
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Hi:
Fear of wide open spaces is a form of agoraphobia. It can begin with a panic attack. Has this term been mentioned to you before? There are treatments for this problem. You don't have to suffer so much with this. Contact a counselor to see what treatments are available to you. I hope that you will find the answers that you need very soon. Please let us know what kind of help you find and how you are doing. I know that you will be helpful to a lot of people by sharing with this community. Best wishes.
Fear of wide open spaces is a form of agoraphobia. It can begin with a panic attack. Has this term been mentioned to you before? There are treatments for this problem. You don't have to suffer so much with this. Contact a counselor to see what treatments are available to you. I hope that you will find the answers that you need very soon. Please let us know what kind of help you find and how you are doing. I know that you will be helpful to a lot of people by sharing with this community. Best wishes.
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Hey Bambi...I just read someone called renetta 34 is missing you.
This is becoming a bit problematic...Now i really do not want to go utside. My panic is consuming me. I am even panicing now...and theres no reason for it. Maybe Ill calm , once things here start sorting out.
One thing though...one day I will know that i can look back on this and think RDICULOUS ( Well I hope I can ) It is ridiculous behaviour...theres no reason for it..yet over and over its happening...I ferar it...then it hapens and each episode that I have takes longer and longer to get out of. I couldnt let go of that stupid lampost and legs just cramp....WEll, NO, its as though I cant feel them and I cant move...then I start to trying to get out of the tunnel hysteria...but no I panic more and need something to hold onto
:$ :$ :$ :$ :$ ...No one helps and I might as well be invisible. Then I panic more as no one is helping and wonder how bad I must look...and then think well I dont thik |Id like to help a secreaming looney in the street either...Again I thought about getting on my hands and knees ( with the thought STUFF THIS-no one cares anyway) so was about tooo, until eventually someone that I ask for help ( well begged him to)..He didnt even have to hold my hand ...he just had to walk at the side so I could keep my balance...but boy I struggled with his big grassy patch to get to work.@0 minutes late...some secruity guy asks :Are you all right?" ( Where was he the 40 mins before this had started) Got to work still streaming ...tears full force...then :$ :$ :$ :$ embarassed try and do my job ( impossible) Then ...later mum comes in...as soon as I swa her I just broke down,,,and she keeps talikng about things that just make me angry...ie, Katy , why are you not going to so and sos wedding?" Hello mum -is there anyone there?The feel more isolated than ever...thinking... :-D shes not living in the real world; huh like mother like daughter I guess.
This is becoming a bit problematic...Now i really do not want to go utside. My panic is consuming me. I am even panicing now...and theres no reason for it. Maybe Ill calm , once things here start sorting out.
One thing though...one day I will know that i can look back on this and think RDICULOUS ( Well I hope I can ) It is ridiculous behaviour...theres no reason for it..yet over and over its happening...I ferar it...then it hapens and each episode that I have takes longer and longer to get out of. I couldnt let go of that stupid lampost and legs just cramp....WEll, NO, its as though I cant feel them and I cant move...then I start to trying to get out of the tunnel hysteria...but no I panic more and need something to hold onto
:$ :$ :$ :$ :$ ...No one helps and I might as well be invisible. Then I panic more as no one is helping and wonder how bad I must look...and then think well I dont thik |Id like to help a secreaming looney in the street either...Again I thought about getting on my hands and knees ( with the thought STUFF THIS-no one cares anyway) so was about tooo, until eventually someone that I ask for help ( well begged him to)..He didnt even have to hold my hand ...he just had to walk at the side so I could keep my balance...but boy I struggled with his big grassy patch to get to work.@0 minutes late...some secruity guy asks :Are you all right?" ( Where was he the 40 mins before this had started) Got to work still streaming ...tears full force...then :$ :$ :$ :$ embarassed try and do my job ( impossible) Then ...later mum comes in...as soon as I swa her I just broke down,,,and she keeps talikng about things that just make me angry...ie, Katy , why are you not going to so and sos wedding?" Hello mum -is there anyone there?The feel more isolated than ever...thinking... :-D shes not living in the real world; huh like mother like daughter I guess.
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Sorry I forgot to mention the trlaking to myself out loud as I was so upset with passer byers....Like thanks for effing helpin gme sniffle sniffle,,,and Conme on Katy let go of the lampost you effing id**t...come on effing les move...and then as it starts over again I can barley wlk have to take tiny footsteps and look really ill....why Am I doing this..Theres no sense to it?
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I cant desribe in words how I feel...I cant even imagine what it could be like to oose 2 paretns as quickly as somone I know and love did.I cant imagine that hurt, that pain.I knpw for me, wellhaving nearly lodst my mum 2yrs ago, atrigger went offin my head, like a bullet shot, ( does not really explain why I like to cudddle lamposts)But yeah, its maybe something to do with it.
I am just pathetic-i haver this thing-this closeness with my sister, and my dad..My mum is lovely, but never lives the REAL stuff and never has. She not honest with herslef....My sister and my dad..well we are very honest with each other, nevermind the rest,Look what you need to nkow, is my mu mwas ready to turn her back,,,she left us...she had an affair,,and yes she was unhappy,,but hey ..she did not express this until it was toolate..Thats ( and belivee me I know theres no excuse ...but thats why my dad slapped her) It was only a slap , not a totrture on the kitchen floor with firtsts in your face....One New year my dad caught me screaming the odds down the phone but hey, luckily or not he was drunk!
I dont know what to think, ive grown a rash and feel as sick as though Ive regrown the chicken pox, but hey I want out this mess, and no one will change my mind. I cant go back. As much as I would like...I cant go back the way....this ittle hiccup is damaging my everyway of life.
I got really annoyed at my mum today, just for her being herself..she speaks of material things and so on.. i just think how dare you...hello, and will you ever hear me..r is it planet eptong your from? Dont get nme wrong I love her and appreciarte everything she has done bt why is she still thinking I am crying wolf...I am not. I sosos o want this oover..Look Bambi. I know you will probably have had enough of me, thats oksy, but hey I just wanted to write it down.. You dont hasve to reaasure me..Ive made my big dark decision and it terrifies me!
I am just pathetic-i haver this thing-this closeness with my sister, and my dad..My mum is lovely, but never lives the REAL stuff and never has. She not honest with herslef....My sister and my dad..well we are very honest with each other, nevermind the rest,Look what you need to nkow, is my mu mwas ready to turn her back,,,she left us...she had an affair,,and yes she was unhappy,,but hey ..she did not express this until it was toolate..Thats ( and belivee me I know theres no excuse ...but thats why my dad slapped her) It was only a slap , not a totrture on the kitchen floor with firtsts in your face....One New year my dad caught me screaming the odds down the phone but hey, luckily or not he was drunk!
I dont know what to think, ive grown a rash and feel as sick as though Ive regrown the chicken pox, but hey I want out this mess, and no one will change my mind. I cant go back. As much as I would like...I cant go back the way....this ittle hiccup is damaging my everyway of life.
I got really annoyed at my mum today, just for her being herself..she speaks of material things and so on.. i just think how dare you...hello, and will you ever hear me..r is it planet eptong your from? Dont get nme wrong I love her and appreciarte everything she has done bt why is she still thinking I am crying wolf...I am not. I sosos o want this oover..Look Bambi. I know you will probably have had enough of me, thats oksy, but hey I just wanted to write it down.. You dont hasve to reaasure me..Ive made my big dark decision and it terrifies me!
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I can barely walk. Thinking about phoning in sick...dizzy holding kids hands..and really crabbie..This is not what I thinkit is-this is labyrinthitis or something. Cant walk :-( :-( :-( :$ :$ :$ I just want to fel normal
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hi dsdesk. thats what my mum said too-but I am wondering if its an inner earinfection with a highly anxious person. Iam just wondreirng as Ive been really stuffed up lately , throaty and watery eyed.Now wondering if its in my ears...Certainly finding balancing hard and walking difficult. I speak to someone tomorrow, so will let you very supportive people know, Thanks, for eveyones help
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hi hon: I've been reading your posts, and something just occured to me - on top of my original belief that you are in FULL panic attack - that you might just have Vertigo!!!!! You describe not bein able to step off the pavement and feeling dizzy, that is classic Vertigo. Have your doctor check it out, it can arrive from an ear infection, so when there is puss or water build up in your inner ear, you will have MAJOR inbalance, and nausea, vomitting etc. IN FACT I AM SURE you have Vertigo! Or a really severe ear infection - the thing with a severe ear infection is that they hurt a LOT!!! :$ So get checked out Katy, and mention the other things OK?
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Hey bambi-thanks. It all happened again and started just as I dropped the kids off at school...Holdin on to walss and horrible. Luckily this time a mum I knew asked what was up??She helped me BIG time..on my own OUTSIDE AND couldnt cross the roads...th ething is only got a tiny amount of nausea so dont really know if its that bad..Though i then get angry with him, I can barely walk and hes in his bed -not helping. I wish hed taken the children to school..its not fair that they have to hold my hand as soon as they see me :$ ..I dont know though-is that me just being a crazy silly cow??? My ear is making a cracking noise now... OK...thanks again everyone....I just hope I can get my big bottom to these places to get the help...at the moment it feels IMPOSSIBLE@!!!
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This is madness :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S :-S 8-| 8-| 8-| 8-| 8-| 8-| 8-| >;) >;) >;) >;) >;) >;) Ill be better off than ive ever been with him :-D :-D :-D :-D o.O :-D
Hmmstill cant walk!!!!!..Im fine indoors , its as soon as I go outside...Its ridiculous!!!!!!!Spoke to my CPN...She was great,,and gave me all the pointers, then made me an appointment to see a doctor-just hope they dont send me away with ANXIETY....Cause this is def, not right!!!!If I cant cross roads, i cant get my girls safely to school, andwhat is this??????
rang loads of places now and have lots to do , so must dash, Bye bye
Hmmstill cant walk!!!!!..Im fine indoors , its as soon as I go outside...Its ridiculous!!!!!!!Spoke to my CPN...She was great,,and gave me all the pointers, then made me an appointment to see a doctor-just hope they dont send me away with ANXIETY....Cause this is def, not right!!!!If I cant cross roads, i cant get my girls safely to school, andwhat is this??????
rang loads of places now and have lots to do , so must dash, Bye bye
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Grrr! "You know my terms and conditions, katy?" "Ill only do that of you follow what I want through"(Ive got to say, this is a nightmare!!!!!! Lega jargon coming ( lol) out my ears...hes just threatining me with this!!!!!! I wish I had not let him put his name on the leases here. I wish I had done a runner when I was mucu much younger!!!Thjis man has wrecked me...wrecked anything I ever managed to rescue from the previous nasty episodes...He is slowlyy tring to finsh me....Its like acid burning through your skin into all your main body parts and slowly burning. Sorry , really annoyed right now. he does not know who lucky he has had it < I am furious with myself for even letting this man ever having been near me..OUch!!! Maybe my ears are gibving in so I cant hear anything anyone ever says to me. So nothing can make me react.
Anyway, only have to get one daughter today...but he satred to slag me off..."him , in an NAGRY voice "Awe...feeling abit dizzy are we katy?" Hes just peeved at me for asking to get a child on his day off.. Its not like he even has to do the half an hour wait thing for the next........Icant handle this...Perhaps I should warn the police of how bad I am feeling too..(ie) ..what I would like to do to him,,,,but I do not want it a reality. I wish i didnt have such a good imagination......cuase my dreams and reality are really very muddled at the moment. anyway, why does it always have to be so complicated/ I guess this is happeneing for a reason.......and everything hes doing....well. he knows he cant touch me in anayway ( THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!!) Hmmmmmm, maybe I shouldnt think 2xs about lying about what happened that night. No no I cant do that........Like I say I haven tgot a clue, buthad you seen my eyes the day after A) Either if I did that to myself I should have been sectioned. Or B)If he did that to me , I should press charges. Hmmm
Anyway, only have to get one daughter today...but he satred to slag me off..."him , in an NAGRY voice "Awe...feeling abit dizzy are we katy?" Hes just peeved at me for asking to get a child on his day off.. Its not like he even has to do the half an hour wait thing for the next........Icant handle this...Perhaps I should warn the police of how bad I am feeling too..(ie) ..what I would like to do to him,,,,but I do not want it a reality. I wish i didnt have such a good imagination......cuase my dreams and reality are really very muddled at the moment. anyway, why does it always have to be so complicated/ I guess this is happeneing for a reason.......and everything hes doing....well. he knows he cant touch me in anayway ( THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!!) Hmmmmmm, maybe I shouldnt think 2xs about lying about what happened that night. No no I cant do that........Like I say I haven tgot a clue, buthad you seen my eyes the day after A) Either if I did that to myself I should have been sectioned. Or B)If he did that to me , I should press charges. Hmmm
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I dont know , Still really wobbily... had to try and climb up ladders ,,,felt sooo soo sick so put my head down for a bit,,thoght I was going to up chuck! Anyway, balnac eis everywhere, todays been worse than ever..and nose is throbbing. Grrr!!
Okay, feeling really anxious about everything. treceived copy of letter from solicitor ( to partner) It states exactly what i wanted my solicitor to write..but I am worried how he will eract. But then if he reacts i a violent nature..me and the girls go, if he doesnt react and goes eek advice from his solicitor, ( this could be a long battle)..I think, what he will do ( as he knows now that he has to be a good boy) that he will make my life hell, want move out...but actuaualyy(oh I dont know) Its funny seeing th e word seperation...didnt bother me, not a jot.. Anyway rang womans aid...added it onto my reportings.
Ive now got a massive HB form to fill out..my nose is throbbing. this really odd thing happened to me today. Got really bright flashing lights and couldnt look ata anything...I think I complained when I started to trip up over things. not quite sure what that was...and expected tit to be migraine, but no headache just a painful nose!
I am doing the right thing,,I am
Okay, feeling really anxious about everything. treceived copy of letter from solicitor ( to partner) It states exactly what i wanted my solicitor to write..but I am worried how he will eract. But then if he reacts i a violent nature..me and the girls go, if he doesnt react and goes eek advice from his solicitor, ( this could be a long battle)..I think, what he will do ( as he knows now that he has to be a good boy) that he will make my life hell, want move out...but actuaualyy(oh I dont know) Its funny seeing th e word seperation...didnt bother me, not a jot.. Anyway rang womans aid...added it onto my reportings.
Ive now got a massive HB form to fill out..my nose is throbbing. this really odd thing happened to me today. Got really bright flashing lights and couldnt look ata anything...I think I complained when I started to trip up over things. not quite sure what that was...and expected tit to be migraine, but no headache just a painful nose!
I am doing the right thing,,I am
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Obviously, (well it is to me) that this guy cant even see what he has done, nevermind anything else. Sorry, but I am incredibly angry...he has NOT opened that letter. Spent the entire night worrying about it....Now I am thinking about shoving all his things out the window..( I wouldnt be the first) The children ( ad I knoew they should not know) but they did...that this letter was due...this thing they or whoever...this piece of....nohting nothing nothing....his name is not even correct on my joint lease...this thing......after everything....But I guess thats why I feel guilty and hes jovilly thinking it a joke..I guess thats why I met him and why I have such awfu taste in me. Grrr! Going out for some exercise...ear infection or not!!!!!!
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