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Would you think I'm crazy if I said I have no feelings?
Because; I don't feel anything.

My grandmother passed away and I didn't care. I know it seems a bit horrible, but I just didn't have a reaction. I don't react to anything at all, mentally and physically. I'm sure I don't have depression, I have nothing to be depressed about. I don't feel depressed. I feel like I'm dreaming all the time, I feel as if nothing is real. I argue with myself inside my head like there's two people in there, I hallucinate. It's hard to describe, I just don't feel anything mentally. I'm never happy, never sad, never angry, never anything.

I thought I had Depersonalization/Derealization but then I found out it was caused by drugs, alcohol and smoking. I'm only 15, I've never smoked or done drugs or anything like that.

I never get offended by anything people say, I just don't know l: Am I crazy?

Could anyone help me?

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Derealization and depersonalization don’t happen only related to drugs, in fact, in most cases people who experience these syndromes never were anywhere near drugs, just like you. Derealization/ depersonalization can be caused even after accidents in which brain was injured, but they usually happen in combination with other signs. How do you manage with school and friends? Some of these things, especially thoughts that world is somehow strange and unreal are not something that is completely unexpected for someone your age – most people think that puberty is only about body changes, it’s not. Your whole personality as well goes through turbulent times.
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I don't recall having any brain injuries at all.

As for school, I felt as if I was being bullied in some way. Of course people called me names and teased me, but I wouldn't really call that bullying. It was more like I was bullying myself in some way?

I always put my self down, had no self confidence, it was impossible for me to walk up to people and talk to them. Sometimes to even look at them was hard. One of the teachers noticed and forced me to see a counseller. I hated the fact I had to actually talk to someone, but loved the fact I could escape from class. She wasn't much help at all, I didn't really listen to what she had to say as I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

I didn't have any friends, two girls would talk to me almost everyday. But they had serious friendship problems and they were extremely annoying. I was too nice to tell them to p*****f, I just sat there and dealt with it. I suppose they felt sorry for me, I guess I should be a bit more thankful.

I figured that particular school wasn't for me, so I moved to a private boarding school. I was going pretty good for the first couple of weeks as the center of attention, he new girl. So then I dropped out of school again. And didn't go to school for about half a semester.

I had basically no social life after that, I was in a town I hated. I hated everything and everyone in that particular town. I never went outside, ever. I was always glued to the computer, never left my room and when my dad took the internet away from me I'd throw a tantrum and cry for ages. It was the only thing to do. Without the computer I'd just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.

I never was able to sleep, I got about 4 hours of sleep every 3-4days. My health has always been horrible so it's not that much of a surprise. I eat maybe 3 - 5 apples worth of food a day. And a glass of water every 4 - 5 days. Hardly ever go to the toilet, never have any energy. Anyway, that's irrelevant.

Now I've moved interstate. I think I've had no social life for so long that I've forgotten a lot of things about friendship and stuff like that. Here I could say I have friends, sort of. But as I said before I'm not sad anymore. I'm just empty.

I could go into more detail but I just don't see the point, I don't really care about this anyway. Eh
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I've had a wide range of personality changes, that's for sure.
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So what do I do? See a doctor? S:
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Sorry I couldn’t answer you sooner. Well, seeing a doctor is an option, but I think you would more benefit from a talk with a good psychologist. I know how school counselors can be well, completely disinterested, in what you might say. I had years of those “talks” which did nothing for me. The main issue is – do you feel comfortable the way things are now? It’s not so much about you trying to be like everyone else, but the goal should be for you to be able to enjoy your life no matter how you choose to live it. And it’s not like there aren’t people who could help you.
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no, i wouldnt say you're crazy if you have no feelings. my grandpa passed away, and i didnt even cry, not even make my heart pump faster. just nothing. but maybe that was because i didnt know him very well.

- i never had or dont think i will have any self confidence. i still cant do that nowadays, and im your age btw. im honestly for some reason scared to talk to people, and have no idea why. i guess i feel as if they wont think i will fit in, or be good enough for them, ya know? or maybe im scared that they will turn me down. same here! it was hard to look at people sometimes! and i hate it!

- im also on my computer constantly, and when something like that happened to me, like my dad would take my cell phone, i would just start swearing at my parents for being so horrible (and imma nice person, really nice ) and i would get p.o. and sometimes for no reason whatsoever, seriously no reason at all, i would just go in my room and cry, about nothing. and i would just be yelling at myself, feeling sorryfor myself as you do, and i would just yell and cry, and just do that for almost 2 straight hours. but thats like a daily thing, so im used to it.

- i also never really had a social life. my friends suck, i only have like 7 people that i can actually trust; 6 of them are my family members, and one is just one friend that i can honestly trust, and she understands the things im going thru. otherwise than that, imma quiet student, i understand people think that im weird, they always have all my life. i never had a bf and all that, im going thru so much c**p in my life, i just honestly gave up. like for instance, i told one person that i was BISEXUAL, and it spread around the whole school, that i was a lesbian. so, great.

- my health is completely horrible, also. and im scared that i honestly cant fix it, and the thing is, if somebody like yells, or ven tells me extremely nicely to do something, i will not do it. i feel so weird when i say that, but i honestly cant do it. its like i know what i hhave to do, so ill do it at my own time, ya know?

- i tend to hide my feelings alot, nobody knows me really. i feel as if i explained my life tosomeone and how i really am, even my family wouldnt talk to me.

- and like you said, about just not feeling anything anymore. i think its that you've been w your self so long already, that you dont know what it feels like to actually talk w your friends about what amazing thing happened, or go out for a jog w your best friend. just try to get out there and comunicate w people, but i know how hard that is, but maybe sign up to some club, or something, and you will slowly meet new people. what i do is i just completely hide my feelings, and i try to talk about things that interest them, that maybe they will actually be interested in me, ya know? but, hmm..

- i honestly would,i dont care how stupid this sounds, but if your mom is in a good mood, talk to hher, kt will make you feel better that u let it out, believe me. i dont really wanna talk w a psychologist, but im going to have to anyways. i have so much shhit going on in my life, it will confuse him/her, and i know that no person out there would understand what i mean if i tried explaining my difficulties.

-im sorry i wrote so much, but i honestly hope this helped a bit :-D and good luck !
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I totally feel the exact same way as you do itsok2bdiff!!

I'm slowly trying to find out who I really am, and to just accept it and be okay with it and to be myself! And not try to be someone I'm not for other people to like me. Its so hard to do, but it makes me happier. But I still keep a lot of things in and keep it to myself, so everyone thinks I'm so quiet and boring. But I don't want them to think I'm weird, and they probably wouldn't understand me and I can't trust them with anything I say, they gossip all the time!!

Everything you wrote, I was like wow me too!! lol

You say your going through a lot in life, feel free to let it all out on this site and talk about whats bugging you! I'm sure someone will understand and help you out. Maybe even myself. But that's up to you! That's why I love this site so much, its awesome and supportive and no one will judge you.

Well take care, I was happy to read this, made me feel like I'm not alone!
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lol thanks!! (: and its very true, noone will judge, and i do let it all out here.. :-D thanks :-)
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