I fell in love with much younger man

Big Cat, I think you are right. He is young in age but in managemen at work. He struggles with wanting to fit in. but still.... He's always told me not to play games. I'm very careful to respect that. It's still so early for both of us, but I really really love him. I struggle with the fact that how can I say how loyal I am when I cut off a thirty year marriage? It haunts me sometimes. but I don't regret the decision for my own safety and for the message it gives my daughters.

Sticking in a 30 year marriage with someone not good for you is very loyal. I stuck out 23 years, though we didn't get married. I was loyal, a loyal fool!

From my recent experience the young ones seem to be impressed if you have been in a long term relationship and also that we get out if it is bad.

I was married for 10, separated at the 9 year mark but living in our house with him for an entire year until I found my own apartment. Life has been very difficult ever since. My young guy can't help much financially, but he is very supportive emotionally, more so than my ex who was 3 years my junior (to reiterate, my guy now is 18 years younger.) It's all very odd! He definitely does appreciate that I've been primarily in long terms. His longest was a mere 2 years!

Really? It's so ridiculous. I was 19 the last time I went on a date. I feel like I have been time warped! My guy tells me I'm pretty naive in a lot of things, but wise in others. I am the one that feels struggling to fit in - having both adult and elementary aged children. I am friends with the daughters of my best friends. My older friends have grown into retirement, and I'm still doing little league, birthday parties, sleep overs, kids crawling in my bed in the middle of the night!!!! All of it. Their dad wasn't that involved with his kids the past ten years. My guy is fun and loves to play. For some reason... it appeals to me. No I'm not 30. I love art museums, sitting by the fireplace, reading a good book, and listening to stories from elderly people. Kind of boring. However, I am finally loving also to experience life that I gave up years ago when I said "I do" and discovered that I soon would not be allowed to have my own thoughts or interests or personal goals or choice in entertainment or vacations or spending habits or future plans. I am open minded and striving to actually enjoy life with my kids, and loving to say YES to them. It is new and wonderful. Yes, I have found that my loyalty is attractive to my guy also because he mentions that the girls of today are flighty and bold and walk all over men and don't work out problems. He also claims that they are so promiscuous. That one hit me hard. I sometimes feel that way about me (although I am not physical with anyone else). A relationship with this man goes against everything I thought was ok, yet.... I love him. Does anyone else have conflicting emotions, surprised at what they are involved in?

How "young" is he? That's so funny!

Okay he is 30 and a half. Almost 31. I want him to be 31 so desperately!!!!!!!!

I'm 51.

I understand the difficulties with living in the same house with your non-involved person. It is confusing to say "separated" but still be living in the same house! I've been in that situation. My guy was upset when he first realized the situation. I'm so glad that I won't have to deal with that any more. I am not leaving my marriage to be with this man. I appreciate the friendship and tenderness, and care he has demonstrated towards me, however. If it leads to something more, I am soooooo happy. But if not, I am grateful that the experience of being loved opened my eyes.

My older sons may not like my choices. But they are mine.

LOL. Mine is 30 and I am 48. He said something the other day about generation differences. He said I was in my sexual prime and he had started going out of his.. I told him then he needed to get with the program then before I got out of mine! LOL.
30 year old men are not as mature as 30 yr old men in our day.... They seem to smarter but more immature for some reason....

You're right! It was the other guy who said... hey check this out... and yes there is that level of guy talk that happens. Yeah. And when we watch movies, etc and there is a totally hot actress... it's me that says how pretty she is! He's totally respectful to my face. I appreciate that. I am NOT clinging in person.... at all. And sometimes I am stand-offish. I just don't want to be hurt! But when we haven't seen each other for a few weeks.... omg, I'm a wreck. I try not to show it tooo much... but it's not jealousy at all... I just miss him! I think that is ok. I'm totally not used to that feeling so it's strange for me. Kinda sad to have missed out on wanting to be with someone on purpose!

My confidence is strong on many levels. And yes, you are right that it attracts him. But I'm also a girl, and I want and need to be held and comforted at times. I'm trying to find the balance.

Thanks for replying. I appreciate it.

I agree with that, Sueellen2! They are smarter but less mature!!!! This is crazy... but when my then husband turned thirty, I cried. I was seriously depressed. I was with an old man!!!! My life was over. Now I'm with a man who is 30 and again, I hate that! But it's because I want him even one year older!!!!! Silly.

My guy actually matured more the day he turned 30. Like that very day. He woke up and said, oh my goodness I need to grow up. And he did. It's crazy to me to watch.

I lasted 3 days without any contact from him and then I sent a text to him on the 4th day.  He replied no problem.

I had a friend visit for a few days and we went over to where he lives, for an unrelated reason.  I asked if he wanted to meet up with us and he asked some weird questions and then said he couldn't.  Haven't heard from him since.

It's driving me mad but I think he's just not really that interested in me, age gap or not :-)

This may sound crazy BigCat but is his sign a Cancer?? My boytoy is a Cancer and reverts to his shell a lot. I have done a TON of research of Cancer men and mine is very much like his sign. I am a Gemini and they say we are great sexually but not so great in the relationship side unless I learn to understand his moodiness. This is true. It took me forever to be OK with it and that was just because I didn't understand it. Now, I give him time. He was also VERY slow at showing his emotions to me. We started this in July. It was new so he came on strong then backed off and then in early November it started being great then he backed off again and then came back strong again in two weeks. Finally after we talked he said that is how he deals with emotional issues.

I feel the exact same way but I think it's because I feel if I don't do this now then it may not happen in 5 or 10 years. One he may at 35 (5 yrs from now) not find me attractive at 52 or I could be in bad health or so many reasons getting older causes. So I have told him I felt I had to do this now and for those reasons. He said he understood and laughed. We work at the same place and see each other there in passing or something like that. I have seen him check out women and talk to them. But I just remember he choose me. I flirt with other men and talk to them but I choose him. And if he does want someone else then I can't stop that so I am not going to worry about it until it happens. He and I will never marry or date in public and this is not because of our age differences but other reasons and we are both fine with that. It's private and we that is the was we both want to keep it. So enjoy your boytoy and stop worring..... I know easier said than done.....

It's not crazy Sueellen2, there's a lot to be said for horoscope types. He's Aries though. So is my sister and if she wants to do something she says yes and if she doesn't she says nothing. So I assume his going quiet means no interest.

Although I am encouraged by your experience :) It's just strange that it's all fizzled out recently after 4 months. I can't help worrying that he is back with his girlfriend and has no need for me now but not got the guts to tell me.

I guess that's the problem. I don't want a boytoy. I want the real deal. Do I know 100% that it's "him" -- no. But I've found myself in this place where I am shocked that I am in love for one thing, but also shocked at the age difference, and also shocked but open-minded at how the cultcure/generation is different. Where the heck was I????

For instance: this guy has a few tattoos (you may be okay with that, but my sons know I would cry my eyes out if they got tattoos); this guy does not ever open my door -- car or door (I am soooo used to be treated with door openings! Yet, he has such kind verbal manners. Hm.); this guy uses language in everyday slang that I would never allow in my home!!!; he listens to omg hip hop and rap and all that (why do I like him?); and .... He wears baseball caps indoors. With stickers on them. I'm just secretly cracking myself up. Truth be told... all those things that were so important to me before don't mean a hill of beans. I know what it is like to see a person for who they are inside, not what cultural and social standards they embrace. It is amazing to me. I feel free.

I don't want to be a fool. Yet, I love who I am now... it's the real me.

I am 14 and Haven't been in a relationship like this but I believe In true Love. If it wasn't meant to be, It wouldn't have happend. Do what feels right. <3