Heya- Im on day 10 kicking cold and today is really the first day I can sit up for any period of time so I wanted to post up and thank you all for posting your experiences. I kept referring back to this every time id experience a new symptom and it's been comforting knowing that others have made it through worse, no matter how painful this journey may seem to me.
I plan to post up a complete profile once Im on the other side of this but I thought I'd put up a brief synopsis in case it could help keep someone else on the right track...
I'm 33 years old and before the kick I weighed about 140lbs. I don't smoke cigarettes and I drink alcohol very rarely (several times a year- holidays, etc) I would have described my diet as decent prior to this and my health as ok, save the complications from novice IV injections- collapsed veins, swollen hands, etc- although admittedly thats gotten progressively worse in the last several months just before this kick.
Basically Ive used opiates daily for the last several years- I started taking morphine orally to self medicate depression initially and before long I was doing anything i could intravenously (morphine, oxy, heroine) while swapping out 80-120mg of methadone on days when scoring was difficult. I've routinely shot black tar several times daily for the last year (about 2.5 grams a day at its peak) in addition to the methadone or anything else i could supplement the high with. (occasionally used benzos)
The first day I decided not to use I managed to get through the whole day and even fall asleep with no problem- the second day is when the hammer came down.
Day 2 began covered in sweat complete with the jimmylegs and the violent stomach cramping- i kicked and kicked all day long to the point where i was physically exhausted. Although i had no appetite i was able to get down a few crackers and some gatorade. Things get blurry here and days sort of blend together as I really didnt sleep (true REM sleep) until last night. But day 3-4 and 5 were filled with vomiting, diarrhea and a complete inability to keep down anything- fluids or solids. I had to take water by the tablespoon just to prevent dehydration as a gulp of anything would immediately make me vomit.
Day 6 my stomach had settled enough that I could keep down simple broths and soups in addition to gatorade but it was the weakest Ive ever been in my life- i simply could not even sit up for more than a few minutes at a time but my mind was absolutely racing. This lasted until the 8th day when I was finally able to sleep for a couple hours. I actually contemplated the hospital in the hours before I fell asleep- I even called to see if they'd sedate me. I described how imagined smells were sort of triggering memories that fed into hallucinations and they said I should come in if I didnt fall asleep in the next several hours- thankfully i did because i really didnt want to have to medicate.
I woke up the following morning with mild hunger and was able to eat a small breakfast (toast, an apple and juice). I had the kicks for a few minutes every couple of hours but better for sure- although the weakness persists. Late last night I jonez'd for french fries like Ive never felt for any food. It was almost like the old opiate wire got crossed with hunger and i could not stop fixating on fries so i pulled my carcass up and shuffled down to penises on Broadway. I walked right past the tar soldiers and happily waited in line. It was funny, I knew I could score with just a word but i really didnt want tar- ALL i wanted were those fries, which i devoured like a wild animal. I paid the price today as my stomach is upset but i imagine its a direct result of those greasy fries. Today ive eaten only steamed edamame and a few apples but this is the most energy ive had since i kicked so i pulled myself up to the keyboard to soundoff.
Anyway, that's my day by day. I really just wanted to say that if you mixed opiates you may be in for a worse kick than if you had a single drug, as Ive experienced. I thought initially that I might get it easy given how often i swapped out opiates but it seems to be the other way- add in morphine or oxy or methadone in addition to the heroine and things get rough.
Here's the real deal though- YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS and you will kick- DO NOT FORGET IT. You have value and your whole life is ahead of you. I CARE ABOUT YOU and ill happily share my email with anyone that needs someone to chat with.
ps- I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I found god to be a recurring theme which was somewhat isolating, given that im agnostic and I think 12 step is a little simplistic. If you also find the fairly tales and grandiosity of the self childish I just wanted to say that I am definitely real and I'm really here right now and i do care about you. We are fellow travelers who have come upon the wrong path but we got ourselves into this willingly and we will make it out the same way- AND we will be better for it! So again, please hit me up via email if you need to know someone's here for you.
Thanks again for all your help, everyone!
I plan to post up a complete profile once Im on the other side of this but I thought I'd put up a brief synopsis in case it could help keep someone else on the right track...
I'm 33 years old and before the kick I weighed about 140lbs. I don't smoke cigarettes and I drink alcohol very rarely (several times a year- holidays, etc) I would have described my diet as decent prior to this and my health as ok, save the complications from novice IV injections- collapsed veins, swollen hands, etc- although admittedly thats gotten progressively worse in the last several months just before this kick.
Basically Ive used opiates daily for the last several years- I started taking morphine orally to self medicate depression initially and before long I was doing anything i could intravenously (morphine, oxy, heroine) while swapping out 80-120mg of methadone on days when scoring was difficult. I've routinely shot black tar several times daily for the last year (about 2.5 grams a day at its peak) in addition to the methadone or anything else i could supplement the high with. (occasionally used benzos)
The first day I decided not to use I managed to get through the whole day and even fall asleep with no problem- the second day is when the hammer came down.
Day 2 began covered in sweat complete with the jimmylegs and the violent stomach cramping- i kicked and kicked all day long to the point where i was physically exhausted. Although i had no appetite i was able to get down a few crackers and some gatorade. Things get blurry here and days sort of blend together as I really didnt sleep (true REM sleep) until last night. But day 3-4 and 5 were filled with vomiting, diarrhea and a complete inability to keep down anything- fluids or solids. I had to take water by the tablespoon just to prevent dehydration as a gulp of anything would immediately make me vomit.
Day 6 my stomach had settled enough that I could keep down simple broths and soups in addition to gatorade but it was the weakest Ive ever been in my life- i simply could not even sit up for more than a few minutes at a time but my mind was absolutely racing. This lasted until the 8th day when I was finally able to sleep for a couple hours. I actually contemplated the hospital in the hours before I fell asleep- I even called to see if they'd sedate me. I described how imagined smells were sort of triggering memories that fed into hallucinations and they said I should come in if I didnt fall asleep in the next several hours- thankfully i did because i really didnt want to have to medicate.
I woke up the following morning with mild hunger and was able to eat a small breakfast (toast, an apple and juice). I had the kicks for a few minutes every couple of hours but better for sure- although the weakness persists. Late last night I jonez'd for french fries like Ive never felt for any food. It was almost like the old opiate wire got crossed with hunger and i could not stop fixating on fries so i pulled my carcass up and shuffled down to penises on Broadway. I walked right past the tar soldiers and happily waited in line. It was funny, I knew I could score with just a word but i really didnt want tar- ALL i wanted were those fries, which i devoured like a wild animal. I paid the price today as my stomach is upset but i imagine its a direct result of those greasy fries. Today ive eaten only steamed edamame and a few apples but this is the most energy ive had since i kicked so i pulled myself up to the keyboard to soundoff.
Anyway, that's my day by day. I really just wanted to say that if you mixed opiates you may be in for a worse kick than if you had a single drug, as Ive experienced. I thought initially that I might get it easy given how often i swapped out opiates but it seems to be the other way- add in morphine or oxy or methadone in addition to the heroine and things get rough.
Here's the real deal though- YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS and you will kick- DO NOT FORGET IT. You have value and your whole life is ahead of you. I CARE ABOUT YOU and ill happily share my email with anyone that needs someone to chat with.
ps- I mean no disrespect to anyone, but I found god to be a recurring theme which was somewhat isolating, given that im agnostic and I think 12 step is a little simplistic. If you also find the fairly tales and grandiosity of the self childish I just wanted to say that I am definitely real and I'm really here right now and i do care about you. We are fellow travelers who have come upon the wrong path but we got ourselves into this willingly and we will make it out the same way- AND we will be better for it! So again, please hit me up via email if you need to know someone's here for you.
Thanks again for all your help, everyone!
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Super old I know but your story is very similar to mine. I'm on day 13 ct from slamming tar, oxy and mdone. I had one of those weird cravings the other night. There I was futilely attempting to sleep while going through ferocious cold tremors, shaking so hard I was panting and exhausted and boom- all I wanted was strawberry milk. I fucken hate milk but I dragged my corpse to the kitchen and promptly consumed nearly half a gallon of milk with that nesquik sh*t in 10 minutes. This is after many days of eating like a cup of food per day so I was paying the price later.
Never heard of penises on broadway, sounds killer though ;)
So if you ever see this which I realize is highly unlikely, I'd like to know if you stuck it out. How long before you felt human again? I also don't go in for religious ideologies but it works for many. I personally try to draw from nature and myself. I remember once when I lived in az I was detoxing at my ex bfs mothers home way out in middle of nowhere. About 4 days in I took a walk through this desert neighborhood and it was fucken hot as sh*t, I came across a cactus wren trapped in a hot car. He was killing himself, battering against the windows. I got him out and that was one of the greatest feelings of my life. None of the animals need to shoot up and their lives are a damn sight rougher than ours.
I'm also really into metal, deathcore etc and have just been cranking it. It helps. It relaxes me.
Anyway hope to hear from you, not having a particularly bad day but that slithering sense of doom is clouding my state of mind today and my lower back feels like its coming apart. Thanks for your story
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