I need to let this out badly

Well as much as I hate to say it what your friends are telling you is absolutely right you should tell your parents because the sooner you tell someone that can help the better your feel as your not trying fix everything yourself. Ok it isn't going to make it completely in away as what you have experienced is extremely traumatic for you but it will help you in the long term.
You should also talk to your friends about the second incident as that's what friends are for to help and support you through things in life.
I realise you think I don't understand what its like that your going through and your right I can only imagine what it must be like but my advice to tell someone is going to be hard to do but that is going to be the first steps to making you start to feel what has happened isn't your fault.
Just think what of any other you girl that may stay there what could happen to her as well, so if you tell someone then your not only helping yourself but helping any other girl it may happen to.
I know what I'm saying seems very harsh and hard but its the only way you will start to get through this with out blaming yourself because its not your fault what happened to you, you was staying in someone else's house where you should of been safe.
Please think about telling someone else even if it is just your friends because they will be able to needs you more support. :-)

best thing to remember is that it wasnt your fault

Hi Chloe, I am really sorry to heat about this. What he did was sexual assault. It is not your fault. What he did was very, very wrong. You are not responsible for what happened. He is. Can you tell your parents about this? I know its really hard. I was sexually assaulted when I was 11 by a family friend and never told anyone because of the feelings if shame, feeling it was my fault, not wanting to create a fuss etc. But now I wish I had told them. hopefully they can help you get the help you need and also have I'm dealt with because if he did that yo you he will do it to other people. But your number one priority now is to stay safe and get help from a counsellor or therapist that specialises in the sexual assault if minors. You need the help of a trusted adult to do that. Counselling was the best thing I ever did. you can feel ok again. What he did was very wrong and it will take time for you to heal but with help you can heal. Make sure you never visit that house again. You are nit safe there. Take care and remember you are still the beautiful person you were before this happened. He can't rake that away from you. Wishing you all the best

Hi Chloe, I just read the full thread to this post and wanted to add few more things to my answer. As you live in Canada there us a kids help phone. It is a phone line that gives you access to phone counselors and is for minors with any sort of serious problem so that they can get advice. They are confidential, meaning you cabym be annonymous and they will help you get the help you need it just be an understanding ear. It doesnt really matter about age if consent in this situation. He didn't seek your consent. He assaulted you and that is a crime. It also doesn't matter if he knows that you know. You just need to keep away from him. Don't have any contact if any sort with him. It will make the trauma worse. and please seriously think about telling your parents or another trusted adult. I know you don't to make a fuss and cause them problems. That is exactly how I felt when I was assaulted. I remember very clearly my thought processes. I just never wanted it to happen again. I knew my parents would believe me but I didn't want to break up their friendship with the perpetrator. But it is a parents job to protect their children. And children should always come before friends. If my child told me a family friend had sexually assaulted him I would absolutely protect my child and put them first. If you can't tell your parents directly please tell another trusted adult. But your parents really need to know so that you aren't made to go to that house again. I know this is really really hard. I have been there. It should never have happened and you shouldn't have to deal with this, but if you don't the trauma can affect you until you do get help. I waited far too long. Please don't make the same mistake. It will take courage, but you don't have to go through this alone. Ask ne any questions if you have them. I will check back on this post. Take care

I never thought of it like that. I never realized that if my parents knew, I wouldn't be made to go back to their house. But I also feel like it would tear apart my parents friendship with the guy's parents. I don't want that at all.
But after reading everyone's replies I have a little more confidence in telling my parents. Thank you so much. As I type this, I'm thinking of what it would be like after I tell them and it's causing me to tear up.

Hi Chloe, this is not your fault. Please tell an adult you trust and all the best. It is really important that you are gentle on yourself.

Hi Chloe, sorry I didn't see this post sooner. You sound like such a caring, thoughtful person. I don't know where you are at with this. I hope you are keeping well. I do really understand why you feel so bad about the effect that telling your parents will have on their friendship. It is one of the things that stopped me from telling my parents. I was so worried about the effect it would have on the friendship they had with my abuser. Caring for you parents is one of the things that seems to be holding you back from telling them, unless you have already. I took on the role of protector of my parents but I know now that it was their role to protect me and I didn't give them the chance to do that because I didn't tell them what happened. As a parent now I would be really upset if I found out that one of my children had been sexually abused in the past and I didn't have the opportunity to support or protect him. I wouldn't be upset with my son, but I would feel like I had let him down. I know this is really, really hard and upsetting. You probably just want it all to go away. I send you my heartfelt best wishes. You can heal from this

I haven't told them. Every time I think about it I get terrified. I also cry REALLY easily. Like it's unbelievable how easy I cry. Just to give you an example, my dad once asked me if everything was okay. Everything was but for some reason I just started crying. Point is, I'm scared I'll start crying and then I won't be able to tell them.

Hi Chloe, I really understand how hard telling your parents is. Although it would be the best thing to do maybe it is something you can't do right now. I never told my parents. I still haven't. But in hindsight I wish I had because they would have kept me safe. I have very loving parents and I know they would have believed me. Until recently I had only told my now ex husband. I told my therapist last year and that was really hard. But since then it has gotten easier. Your dad sounds really concerned about you. I can imagine how scared you are about telling them and why. I needed to tell my doctor so I could get extra funding for my therapy but I got my therapist to do it because I found it really hard to do it myself. It is ok to struggle with this. That is normal. My concern for you is that you are kept safe and not put in danger again, and that you get the help you need to heal from this. unfortunately you can't do those things alone. You have been really brave in opening up here and in telling your friends. Many people in your situation would struggle with that. Please be really gentle with yourself. You are still the beautiful, precious and caring girl you were before this happened. know that you are strong. I know you don't want to upset your parents and probably hate the thought that they will be devastated by this news. You can only do what you can do and that is ok. If you choose to tell them that is great. If not that's understandable and ok too but it does leave you vulnerable. But parents will do amazing things for their children. There is an amazing father where I live in Melbourne. His son Manny Waks was abused by teachers at his school. Manny kept it a secret until he was an adult and then told his father. He and his father have fought to bring the teacher and other teachers at the same school who did the same things to justice. One has recently been jailed for his crimes, thanks to these two amazing men. The father has lost friends and his community over this. He is part of a very small, tightly knit religious community and they treated him like a.traitor. It saddens him, but his son and doing the right thing for the people who were abused was most important to him. I find this a sad but inspirational story. Sad because so many boys were hurt and so many people protected the teachers who hurt them and attacked those who fought for right. Inspirational because it is a story of a father's love for his son and of their combined effort to seek justice for the survivors and to have triumphed. The cases are going through the courts at the moment and the teachers will get jail time. My final suggestion is, if you can't tell your parents is there someone else you can tell who can tell them. It might be easier that way. Whatever you do or don't do, please take care, look after yourself and know that you are doing the best you can. You can heal, you can be okay.

He did the wrong thing, not you.

I just told my mom. Although she said that they're going to disconnect from that family after telling his parents (which was what i was worried about), i feel like a giant weight has been lifted. I never have to go back there again. I never have to see him again. I'm free.

Hi, I'm really pleased that you managed to finally get the courage and tell your mum about what has happened :-) I'm really glad to hear that it has made you feel good to and just want you to know that we are all behind you on this and wish you well and hope you can move on now :-)

I sure am trying. obviously, there is going to be some healing in order but I think that now I can manage to make it happen. :) thanks to everyone who helped me through this.

Chloe, I am so happy for you I am in tears. You have shown amazing courage. And I am really pleased that your mum listened to you. I had a sense that she would because you are such a thoughtful, caring person and your dad showed concern for you so I imagined you came from a loving family that would support you. you have taken the most important step in healing, reaching out to others and keeping yourself safe. At some stage you might want to think about therapy as an important part of your healing (with a licensed therapist who specialises in sexual assault). Watch your moods and be gentle with yourself. Take care. You have learned an important lesson through this. That as hard as it can be when we reach out to trusted people they will look after us. Your trust was shaken by the sexual assaults. But you can still trust people, your friends and your parents. And that sometimes it id ok to put our needs first. you have shown amazing strength, dignity and courage. You deserve to be free from this

Chloe-

I just stumbled across this thread & read your progress in building the courage to speak up. I just had to tell you that it's a really admirable outcome & it seems that you not only were able to get the help you needed from your mom, and letting the truth come free- but you also have grown a sense of self-esteem & strength in tackling a fear of voicing yourself. Through all of this, as awful as it may be, this has made you a stronger woman & you will learn that taking the good & the bad in life, is all going to form you as a smarter, stronger, more confident woman. Just be sure to keep your attitude of self-worth. This will ensure your ability to recognize when you deserve better- in all aspects of your life. Relationships, work, friendships, everything.

When you speak to your friends, and especially confiding in your parents, or therapist, you're opening the door for yourself to heal properly & your future will only benefit from seeking the support. Even coming to this forum has made a huge difference for you & you've been impacted here! 

I can go on forever, but I wanted to at least let you know that you are an inspiration already, to any one person that may be going through a similar struggle. So, keep your head up, and best wishes to you as you heal from this life lesson. If you need any more advice, or just need some help in keeping positive, please don't hesitate to continue this thread. We are here to help, as we are all benefiting from the use of this forum! I'm here to gain help & knowledge in a totally different topic, but I have great experience, knowledge & countless life lessons that enable me to help others in other topics, unrelated to my own struggles!!

Again, best of luck! And great job in standing up for your integrity & the respect of your personal space.