I Think I'm Gay

Hi there!

I don't want to say whether you are gay or not because that is something you have to figure out on your own, but I would lean on the side of you not being exactly "straight", especially if you are fantasizing about this boy at school. 14 is a very confusing age for boys, but it is for girls too....it is also the time when you start to feel "attracted" to other people, whether it be the same sex or different sex. If you are ONLY attracted to boys, I would say that you are homosexual. Have you been attracted to girls at all? Is it just this one boy or has it happened before?

Also, I have a very very close guy friend who is gay...and he says that he has known it forever...even though he didn't come out until he was 18. Same thing with my brother-in-law. He was never attracted to girls but had a lot of girl friends because it is what was expected of him...he was raised in a very strict church. Finally, when he was 20 he came out...and he has told me that he has always known and that he knew he was different when all his guy friends were checking out nude magazines and websites and getting excited about it, and he didn't. Girls didn't get him excited the least bit.

If you feel and know in your heart that you are gay then thats all that should matter. People (adults/parents/teachers) are going to tell you that its just a "phase" because THEY are in denial, not you. I don't think you should hide who you truly are...it will only make life more difficult. You have to embrace the person you are meant to be....and if that is it...then so be it!

I wish you the best and if need any more advice, just ask :-D

Wait...I thought you said 14...I think I was confusing a couple posts. You are 11, but the same advice still applies ;-)

Thanks a ton, that post really made me feel better. No I havn't been attracted to girls at all and if I do go on sites of naked people It's men, not women. I am though devising a plan to get this kid to masturbate with me ( witch I hope will lead to a sexual relaitionship, and eventually sex when I'm of age.), and if it doesn't work on him then I'll try it on a kid on my block that's already a good freind of mine. That leans me more toward gay I guess, then. But like you said I'm the one to say so, not you. Thanks Again.

You know what...you're at the age for experimentation so go for it...but just a small (caring) warning...don't get to risky frisky ;-) and be careful what type of advances you make towards these guy friends of yours. They may not have the same desires and only look at you as a buddy, and I don't think you would want to do something to jeapordize your friendships (you may need these close friends very soon to be there for your emotionally, say when you offically "come out of the closet"). Just be safe...think with your head (the one on your neck)...and be true to yourself!

And, although, I think 11 is much to young for "sexual" relationships, I know it happens....so I won't be the one to sit here and lecture you...I just hope that the main event waits until, what did you say "of age" %-)

Good Luck honey :-D

Thats cute lol.xD I feel the same way. Im 13 tho-

Dear Frisky --

I'm sure you have come to some resolution about your concerns by now, but here are some thoughts anyway that might help along the way...

It may turn out that you will continue to be attracted to boys as you follow on your journey to your sexual maturity. You may also find that attraction giving way to a fondness for girls. That kind of "split" between your actual desires and your expectations of what you (or others) think you should be feeling is not unusual at all at your age. As you go through puberty, your body and your brain have an awful lot to sort out, and an awful lot still left to discover! I would say, go with what you are feeling at the moment and don't be worried about it. Enjoy the amazing feelings you have when looking at a boy, enjoy your erections and fantasies when you masturbate. Everything is working just as it's supposed to. If you stay with liking (and loving) boys, well, you are fortunate to be growing up in a time when that is ok. Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed or anxious about what you feel. "They" may never understand, and in the final analysis, they really don't matter -- you do! 

It takes courage to speak about such things, and I am proud of you for doing so here. Whichever you end up choosing -- boys or girls -- to be the objects of your affections, they'll be lucky to be loved by a thoughtful and aware young man as you seem to be. Try to be honest with yourself and others as you go; be a kind, gentle, considerate and playful lover whenever you can. But most of all, be a good man. There will be hurts and challenges along the way to discovering your true sexuality, but that is only a part of who you are. The rest of you just as important, and just as much fun to explore. Good Luck!