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We are the same age, both currently 16. I first dated this guy 3 years ago and he was the first bf i ever felt like i loved, then he dumped me a month and a half later for no reason, and didn't even tell me to my face (i was heartbroken but got over it shortly after). then we started talking a month after that and became friends, but a few months after he stopped any contact for a whole year.. over a year ago he started talking to me again for a few months, and he asked me out, so i decided to give it another try because i always wanted him back after he dumped me. we've been dating for a year and 5 months. it was always fantastic, he was really sweet and we'd talk or see each other ALL the time, Skype or text or call or just go places. sometimes we had fights over stupid stuff but got over it quick and moved on.. over summer 2012 we started having fights more frequently, but once school started again we were pretty good. he was always super forgiving of everything i did, and caring, understanding, and all that. sometimes he would get mad or hurt over really small things (but so did i). through our whole relationship, i talked to him all the time and so far we have not gone a day without texting or seeing eachother, and once in awhile back then i would deny letting him have a guy friend or two over (but i fixed that recently). in February of this year, he told me he looked up pictures of naked girls or something, and that probably started the decline of our relationship (guys, don't give me BS about this. i get it).. i didn't trust him and i told him i hated him a few times (but i also told him later that i didn't mean it) and i got mad at him a lot, for about two months. and I always freaked out about every little thing, like if we went out together I'd make him only look at me and nowhere else if we were anywhere with other girls wearing revealing clothes. I didn't want to see movies or go places cuz i was scared of girls like that being there (he said he was too because I'd get mad at him even if he didn't look at them) and I'd check every movie he watched or game he played to make sure there weren't any "hot girls" or sexual things in it.. looking back i realize that was probably a bad idea, but i really couldn't help it. over those two months I felt broken inside and I was real touchy and more sensitive than usual. anyway, i trust him again now, and I've gotten over most of that stuff i was doing. but about a month or so ago I started talking to this stranger i found on the internet and he and I talked on webcam.. and, long story short, i did some wrong things. i told my boyfriend about it a day later, and he was hurt but he said he forgave me and he wasn't mad or anything. i expressed how sorry i was and all, and that it'd never happen again, and i meant it. but since then he's been distant, for lack of a better word. he automatically went from happy and energetic and loving to just.. nothing. he usually doesn't hug me or kiss me unless I do it first. He always responds to any question or comment with the shortest answer possible, or he simply says "i don't know" to every question i ask. that bugs me, and he's also been complaining about more stuff i do "wrong" than he ever has before. he still says he loves me, and he isn't abusive (verbally or physically). he gets really upset at the smallest things though, and no matter how happy he is in the morning, one incident can ruin the whole day (for both of us). overall, i think he's just a little broken too, like i was, and he needs time and space to cool off and actually get over it. but, on the other hand, he treats me different now.. sometimes i feel like he doesn't love me anymore because there will be a few days when he acts like he doesn't (those sad days of his). when i ask him what he's feeling, he just says "nothing. there's nothing left. i have no emotions." and sometimes he says its my fault. he says that those two months i was mad at him permanently affected him and "there's no going back" and "[he's] just a shell of [his] former self". sometimes he'll blow up and throw stuff or yell and cuss (at me or other people). sometimes he just completely ignores me no matter what for anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 (not very often, but still very hurtful). sometimes he says he'll only hug me if i hug him first, and he feels like he shouldn't be the one to make the first move anymore. last week he told me to choke him and slap him (and not in a kinky way, he wanted me to hurt him). he also told me (seriously) to cheat on him, and that it would make him happy. He says a lot that it's impossible for him to be happy. one time he said he fakes being happy just so I'll be happy.. but I don't know about that, because sometimes he tells me he's actually happy, and I feel like it's impossible to fake being that happy and loving and caring if you don't really feel that way, also no matter what he always says he wants me to be happy and he loves me.. today we were talking on Skype like normal and he was happy. he was playing a game but he got pissed at it so he shut it off and was doing nothing. then he complained about me not telling him something, then said he was just going to sleep. i was like okay, goodnight, no big deal. but he just hung up on me without saying he loves me or goodnight (as he usually does) so i texted him.. and i told him he should talk things out with me instead of getting mad all of a sudden.. then he just said goodnight and turned off his phone so i couldn't call him or anything. that sort of thing has been happening more and more recently. it's upsetting and confusing and slightly worrying. anyway, i wish i could help him, or do something to make all this better, and to help our relationship. really, i just need advice. should i keep being sympathetic and loving and try to help him through this, or should i just give him some space and let him sort things out for himself? or should i try to force him to see how bad things have really gotten (a.k.a. breaking up)? I'm convinced that he (we) will get better eventually, but I'd like to know if there's something i can do to speed it up or if i just have to be patient and give him space. thank you.


Hi Guest,

Sorry, your post is to long to thoroughly read the entire thing.

This is going to sound harsh but move on.  You're both 16.  Find someone else.  People change, especially at your ages.  It's unrealistic of you to expect that you can make this work.

Obviously you are much more interested in him than he is of you.  It happens.  There are lots of other boys out there. 

Move on with your life and don't look back, really.

Good luck.