Hello.
My boyfriend and I have been together for ten months. He is 24 years old, I am 20. When we first started dating we were having sex atleast three times a day, and over a period of four - five months it stopped altogether. for four months now we haven't had sex, and when I ask him about this my thoughts and opinions get shoved off as if they do not matter. I get told I'm being childish and that sex doesn't matter in an 'adult' relationship... but it is important to me, and many others I know! Is there something wrong?
So I'm just curious how common it is for a male in his 20's to be uninterested in sex? And what can I do to change this?
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i am going to refer you to the premature ejaculation thread https://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/what-is-causing-premature-ejaculation&hpr=What_is_Causing_Premature_Ejaculation_
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OK, sex does matter in a adult relationship. intimacy is what conects you to one another. is he not interested at all in sex? How well do you know him? do you know him well enough to say that he is not cheating on you? a woman has a desire and need to feel wanted by her man. when a man doesn't give attention or intrest in his woman anymore, questions start forming in your mind exp: what have i done, do i feel good to him anymore, does he still find me attractive, is he cheating, ect.
if he truely cared about you your thoughts and opinions would matter to him and he wouldn't push them off. i would be upset if i was in your situation also but i don't put up with any c**p.
i would flat out say "you need to talk to me about what is going on with our relationship, and if you refuse to talk to me about it, you need to find yourself another girlfriend." if he cares he will talk to you in fear that he might lose you. if he doesn't, get rid of him. there are other good men out there.
if he truely cared about you your thoughts and opinions would matter to him and he wouldn't push them off. i would be upset if i was in your situation also but i don't put up with any c**p.
i would flat out say "you need to talk to me about what is going on with our relationship, and if you refuse to talk to me about it, you need to find yourself another girlfriend." if he cares he will talk to you in fear that he might lose you. if he doesn't, get rid of him. there are other good men out there.
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To the first poster, I think it's unusual for sexual activity to wane a bit once the newness wears off, but for the most part, males (esp in their twenties) have fairly high libidos and I'd say if he's completely uninterested in sex with you now, it's because he's either getting it from someone else, or masturbating on a regular basis. I think it's ok to masturbate upon occasion, in fact, it's healthy. When it starts interfering with your sex life with someone else however, it's selfish and detrimental to the relationship. Sorry to be so blunt, but four or five months of absolutely no sex would be a dealbreaker for me. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. It's what connect us to our partners emotionally and physically and keeps us from being vulnerable to temptation. I think you should lay all the cards out on the table and let him know you're at the end of your rope. If that doesn't change anything, leave. I know it's hard to do, but do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling unwanted and unfulfilled? There are plenty of men out there that you wouldn't have this issue with, and if it comes to that, I think you'll be much happier than the torture you're putting yourself through now.
Good luck, I really hope your situation improves. :-(
Good luck, I really hope your situation improves. :-(
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just strip tease for him, buy a sexy corset of some sort and slide your hand into his trousers and slowly masturbate him then expect a get off yeh right he will go on with you.
if not he may be cheating on you or he is inbarest f something
if not he may be cheating on you or he is inbarest f something
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I've noticed something similar. At first, any time we were alone in the same room we were touching or more. Lately, sex is few and far between. He masturbates frequently (probably four out of five nights after work) while watching porn, but we rarely have sex and when we do, it's almost clinical. I've been puzzling over it for awhile.
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There is some terrible advice here. I am totally uninterested in sex (at a young age, I'm now 28), and it had nothing to do with my girlfriend or interest waning as the relationship progressed. It eventually cost me my relationship with her. I am not gay (It would be ok if I was as at least there would be a reason I lost interest in having sex).
It is absolutely stupid for a woman to give advice on this subject, it would be like me giving you advice on your menstrual cycle.
Bottom line it isn't necessarily your fault, or his. It doesn't mean he's cheating. It could be something physical, and it's certainly the most emasculating thing he's ever been through-- If wearing sexy underwear doesn't "do the trick" then what? I understand that intimacy is a crucial part of a relationship, and maybe yours is over-- assuming you can't deal with it (and that's understandable)
In my case anyway it was just a sad, sad thing that happened slowly. I am attractive, pretty smart, mildly successful, and desperately lonely. When girls show interest in me (which still happens once in a while) I just get depressed and distance myself, as I know it won't work. Nothing is worse than the occasional brush against a girls arm-- the contact shoots longing through me, that tactile remembrance of being close to someone else is heartbreaking. It's the way it is..... I don't get to have children, or a family.
Just loneliness.....
So think about my story, and try to understand what he must be going through. It is what it is, and that's sad. So good luck and I hope you can work through it, but if you can't at least understand-- it isn't personal.
It is absolutely stupid for a woman to give advice on this subject, it would be like me giving you advice on your menstrual cycle.
Bottom line it isn't necessarily your fault, or his. It doesn't mean he's cheating. It could be something physical, and it's certainly the most emasculating thing he's ever been through-- If wearing sexy underwear doesn't "do the trick" then what? I understand that intimacy is a crucial part of a relationship, and maybe yours is over-- assuming you can't deal with it (and that's understandable)
In my case anyway it was just a sad, sad thing that happened slowly. I am attractive, pretty smart, mildly successful, and desperately lonely. When girls show interest in me (which still happens once in a while) I just get depressed and distance myself, as I know it won't work. Nothing is worse than the occasional brush against a girls arm-- the contact shoots longing through me, that tactile remembrance of being close to someone else is heartbreaking. It's the way it is..... I don't get to have children, or a family.
Just loneliness.....
So think about my story, and try to understand what he must be going through. It is what it is, and that's sad. So good luck and I hope you can work through it, but if you can't at least understand-- it isn't personal.
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im a guy 21, exactly the same, im not gay but it basicallly comes down exactly what he has just said. its a horrible horrible process, the distancing is a definate, has he been cheated on in the past, i noticed my self belief and confidence went when my ex decided to cheat, Mabye he knows something you dont love.
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are you kidding me... first no you cant give advice on female menstral cycles cause your a dude and you dont have them .. second yes women can give advice on sexless relationships because it affects both persons lives..no that that is out of the way speaking as a nurse there is something wrong with you and if your upset demasculated by it get into the root of your problem work on solving it. it is normal for men to sometimes feel stressed out and have issues with sex just as it is for wormen... it isnt usual for a twenty year old male with no previous erectile disfunction to just stop... hes cheating on you. period.
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I find that my libido tends to vary. I can have periods of 2-3 months where I can't stand the thought of sex and then have periods of 2-3 months where sex is literally all I want to do.
Give it time. I personally have found that emotional intimacy is the most important part of a relationship. No matter how disinterested in sex I am at any one time, I'm always up for curling up on the sofa with my partner and talking about life, the universe and everything.
You can have sex with anyone. Sex isn't as special as it's made out to be. An emotional connection, that's special.
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