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Help! He can't have regular sex with me to the point of ejaculation. I like the things we do, but miss regular old down and dirty sexual intercourse. We've been together 7 years, and he's come during intercourse maybe 3 times. He has to masturbate to achieve orgasm. He also watches internet porn and doesn't get turned on unless I'm talking dirty like a porn star or make him jealous by talking about having sex with other men. I just want to have sex with my husband. What do I do???

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Hello. Well, good news - you are not the only one. My hubby is also addicted to masturbation and I don't really know what to do about this. Sometimes I really want to find some cure for masturbation addiction but I really think that there is no such thing as this one. 

I am married for 22 years and this has never happened to us. We had a normal life and a regular sex life. 

So, you should talk to him. That is the only thing that you can do. He needs to admit that he is having some problems and you need to understand him. 

Try to tell him that this is not working and that you need to have some healthy relationship. Talking is the only cure for this, trust me....

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Why don't you present this to him as a problem and make him realize what's going on with both you and him and tell him that you need different needs and don't want to be a porn star.

Don't play a victim but if he starts acting the same way, why not refrain from sex for some time to see if something comes to his mind???

Just a thought.
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try reading a heart restored ro your husband could read every mans battle. hope this helps
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honey you need to tell your husband what i told mine. he has a bad porn addiction and hardly ever touched me. he would masturbate to porn 4 to 5 times a week and not touch me. i came home one day and had enough. i had tried talking to him about it before and all he did was ignore me.

i told him i wanted a divorce. he asked me why. i told him that i wanted to be with a real man who could make love to me, who wanted to be with me, who didn't need porn to get turned on by me. To me, porn is crossing the cheating line. so is strip clubs. he may not be touching them but he is watching them do intament things naked and then masturbating thinking about them. that's wrong. if you did what he does, you would NEVER hear the end of it. He thinks because he is a man he can get away with it cause he has needs. So do YOU.

i took my things and left my husband without a tear in my eye. i was too disgusted by his actions with porn to shed a tear. it was hard to stay away and not see him. but what ever i did worked. he left the porn alone and we got back to being us.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO COMPETE WITH PORN. HE IS YOUR HUSBAND, SHOW HIM THAT WHEN YOU ARE GONE, HE CAN'T HOLD THE COMPUTER AT NIGHT.
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all the power to you lady for having the guts and willpower to get up and leave your porn-addicted husband. its makes me extremely angry the way men can treat a woman and be so self-centered with their sexual needs. I am in a similar situation without the porn. my boyfriend (66 yrs old) masturbates each night and when ever he can during the day, and our sex life is the pits. I am twenty years younger than him and can get plenty of action elsewhere, but I am loyal to this 'man'! I've give him oral sex plenty, wear sexy nighties and I told him he can wake me up for sex.....yet each night I notice him feeling himself and coming right there beside me in bed. I find this incredibly rude and shows me he has no respect for me. I've told him to stop but he continues soon afterwards. Wé've had bit fights about it and him breaking down crying, but it all doesnt help. he refuses to go to therapy. I am planning to break up with him as soon as my financial situation allows it, yet I wonder am I being old fashioned and a prude? when I read on masturbating husband it seems to be the most normal thing in the world for these 'men', but I cant help but feel unloved and cheated on and hate the idea of him doing things behind my back. I told him I would also start masturbating and he says thats okay, like he didnt care. great to be able to air out my pent up anger in this letter. all the best to you women out there in similar situations.
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well the best answer is to stop his masturbation habit.no problem in talking dirty but tell him that the masturbation is becoming a real problem in ur sex life. talk as much dirty as u like but keep it intimate just between u and him no porn stars no other men nothing of the sort.and if he doesn't listen give him the option of a chastity. just lock his penis and put the keys around in ur neck.if he is kinky most probably he'll agree in a couple of days or weeks. don't let him masturbate and only allow sex 3 times a week. i hope he's not voilent on u because then it'll turn ugly. so do take care of that
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I can relate to this topic very much, my BF and i have been together for almost 2 years. He has an addiction to masterbating to porn on the internet and vids on Adult Friend Finder. I stay loyal to him....sometimes I wonder why? Nonetheless i do. My self esteem has plumitted. He masterbates so much it has also caused him to get erectile disfuction, he is moody. He says he masterbates to make himself tied, when he stress, when he's happy, not just because he's turned on. He hardly touches me. It's tough because i want to be touched by him. He has started masterbating wheni am sitting on the computer beside him and he wants me to join in. I am not in the least turned on by this because it is such an issue in our relationship. I feel like doesn't get turned on by me. I have people saying to me frequently that im hot, ooze sexuality, blah blah. What matters is i want my partner to see me that way. To urn to be with me, to want to make love to me. To have passion.
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Hello ladies, I just caught my husband masterbating to some nasty porn on cable in the middle of the night. I had just told him I wanted sex hours before. I didnt get any. He has been getting up at 4:30 in the morning to do his business . I have cried my eyes out. I dont have anyone to talk to because I'm to embrassed. I did confront him with it, he was very angry at first. He claims he has been doing it everyday for one year. Oh and by the way i am a very attractive lady 36, 10 years youger than him and we have only had sex 5 or 6 times this whole year. I am really wondering if he has gotten escort service or etc. ever. got phone records but its a business cell so there are a ton of phone numbers on it always. Am I over reacting to this? I dont think I am at all. We hve watched porn in the past together and he gets way larger if you know what I mean. I guess I dont satisfy him the way his nasty porn does. To me it is the same as cheating, I believe it is an affair of the mind and heart. Not to mention the selfish and self absorbed aspect of it . Well thanks for letting me vent. Any replies would be greatly appreciated ASAP. Thanks! KQ
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Hello ladies, I just caught my husband masterbating to some nasty porn on cable in the middle of the night. I had just told him I wanted sex hours before. I didnt get any. He has been getting up at 4:30 in the morning to do his business . I have cried my eyes out. I dont have anyone to talk to because I'm to embrassed. I did confront him with it, he was very angry at first. He claims he has been doing it everyday for one year. Oh and by the way i am a very attractive lady 36, 10 years youger than him and we have only had sex 5 or 6 times this whole year. I am really wondering if he has gotten escort service or etc. ever. got phone records but its a business cell so there are a ton of phone numbers on it always. Am I over reacting to this? I dont think I am at all. We hve watched porn in the past together and he gets way larger if you know what I mean. I guess I dont satisfy him the way his nasty porn does. To me it is the same as cheating, I believe it is an affair of the mind and heart. Not to mention the selfish and self absorbed aspect of it . Well thanks for letting me vent. Any replies would be greatly appreciated ASAP. Thanks! KQ
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It is not cheating for a man to enjoy pornography. In general, it's just a stimulant to help a man masturbate, and the orgasm that you experience is totally different. I think it's because you're younger and very attractive that makes it hard for him; I myself have found it harder to feel comfortable around a beautiful woman. I think that you might want to talk to a couples therapist about this just because porn is not the issue here--it's a symptom of a deeper problem. But many couples have healthy relationships in which one partner enjoys porn for masturbation. Does that help?
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Hello ladies, I am a husband with a porn addiction and believe me, it is hard to get rid off.

The problem of masturbation is we men get used to certain kind of things to be stimulated, mental and physical.

The mental things we find in the porn are different for each individual. For me, I get aroused by "teasing", the more "teasing" is the girl in the video, the more turned on I get. Another thing that makes me really hot is watching a woman without a bra... Nipples turn me on very much so that is the kind of videos I look for. I am so used to it that I need that kind of stimulation to turn on.

You have to talk to your husband and open your mind to learn and understand what motivates him. An example: if you don't like to give him a blowjob that could be what he fantasizes about...

The other thing is Physical. Our hand learns and knows the exact kind of pressure, movement, speed we need to cum... if you want to replace it, you will have to learn with his help. Another example. I get very excited by seeing a man ejaculating in a womans mouth... but it is very difficult to me to ejaculate when given a blowjob because the speed, pressure and movement of the womans mouth is not closely the one I need.

I hope this examples and info can help and please, if you have any question, feel free to ask.
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Hello ladies, I am a husband with a porn addiction and believe me, it is hard to get rid off.

The problem of masturbation is we men get used to certain kind of things to be stimulated, mental and physical.

The mental things we find in the porn are different for each individual. For me, I get aroused by "teasing", the more "teasing" is the girl in the video, the more aroused I am.

You have to talk to your husband and open your mind to learn and understand what motivates him.

The other thing is Physical. Our hand learns and knows the exact kind of pressure, movement, speed we need to achieve orgasm. If you are going to replace it, you will have to learn how with his help.

The worst thing about masturbation is that we stop doing an effort to stimulate and make happy our wifes... believe me, it comes to be a real addiction that the more we do it, the more we can not stop doing it! You will need a lot of effort, patience, open mind, but overall, love and compassion to your ill man.

I hope this can help and please, if you have any question, feel free to ask.
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aspergaon,

Hi, I am a wife whose husband is/was a porn addict and he masturbates much more frequently than we have sex. Now he masturbates without porn but I am not sure if he just might be pulling up old "memories"...since he had been watching porn since a very young age. He says he thinks of me when he does it. There is a lot of shame and guilt about his past, but he admitted to feeling a void without it but he has come a LONG way since when we first started dating. He's purchased Safe Eyes for our computers and he allows me to set parental controls on our TV, and he is honest with me when he "slips up". For the most part, I think! I sometimes doubt myself since there has been so many lies in the past, but I know that he's slowly improved and that now he is probably stronger than the majority of the guys out there! Is it wrong that I'm still upset inside that he masturbates a lot? Part of me wants to bring it up but the other part of me thinks that I should just be happy with where he's at right now...I just think that intimacy is so sacred and is so important in a marriage, it's a gift we give each other, and him masturbating takes the gift away...
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Hi, I am a husband that does masturbate, the frequency is depended whether me and my wife made love or not. The problem is, my wife is cold in bed, she never was but for the last couple of months it is a "job" and this means that I have to beg, which is getting pretty humiliating, so the result is that after about a week and a half, I would start hinting... then when I get no feedback I would start masterbating, sometimes once a day - sometimes more. A vicious circle of uncertainty would then start.

First night - I would ask, get rejected - masterbate (alone). Next night - I would sometimes start masterbating while she is in bed next to me and we are watching TV... ( she told me this sometimes turns her on... it did... twice... after that WHO KNOWS?) - depending on her response I would more than likely not finish... finish the next day - maybe twice... and so the cycle continues untill eventually she says yes... "just get it over with" - and believe me... I am not a selfish lover, she uses her vibrator and 3 minutes flat... it is over... so I have to hurry. You get the picture.

Tulip, I get what you are saying and I have sympathy for you - I do not do porn - I think it is revolting, all I want is my wife!! She is the most stunning women in the world to me and I love her dearly. I would however after a fortnight search for "vagina" on yahoo images - just to get some image stimulant of what my desire is. Porn is cheating... end of story, and I do NOT cheat, drink, "hang with the boys"... I work and try to balance that with attention to my wife.

I do not understand the scenario and quite frankly I am confused, I would describe myself as fairly attractive and I do everything for her, from making coffee, making sure she gets her pills, preparing the bed for her at night, run her bath... I can go on... I even do the flowers, poems and chocholates thing. Still... she can't even touch me... she is friendly though... but not that impulsive loving spirit she once was. We work together in a very small and tight community... so ya, I can't see her having an affair.

I am at whit's end...
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