Marijuana Withdrawal

Hello, It has been so helpful to read all your posts. I'd like to share me experience, so hopefully what I have to say will help someone else, as well as me for writing it! I have smoked pot for the past 10 years, usually every day, although there have been times when I didn't do it as much. I am 30, and have spent the last 4 years either with a heavy roommate/pot smoker or by myself in grad school (with the weed flowing through me like water). 2 years ago, I went through a hard breakup and at the same time took a ten day vacation with my dad. I was smoking everyday before I left, and about the 3rd day of the trip, I started waking up very early in the morning with intense discontent, feeling anxious and alone even though my dad was in the next bed over in the hotel room. I didn't know I was going through marijuana withdrawal, because I had quit before (but it was only after 2 years of smoking the first time) and I had not felt withdrawals before. So, I attributed the feelings to the heartbreak I was feeling over the girl. Around the 7th-8th day I began to feel better and slept better (I was in Las Vegas and drinking pretty heavily as well) and so I never really made the association with marijuana withdrawal. When I got back home, I fell back into smoking, although it was not as heavy. I was feeling depressed and I made a conscious choice not to medicate myself into feeling better. So, I wouldn't smoke until I felt better. Well, what happened is that I would have a horrible cycle of withdrawal (stomach pain, loss of appetite, insomnia, anxiety/depression) that would subside as I would not smoke, and then start all over again when I would. This continued for eight months as I started seeing a therapist about my emotional distress. The cycle was continuing and I was considering going on antidepressants. I didn't want conflicting mood regulators in my body so I decided to quit smoking in order to prepare myself for other medication. During the six weeks that followed, I noticed the pain going away, and I no longer felt the need for prescription meds. As I felt better (not really understanding what I had been through, I though it was all emotional) I started smoking again. This time, my body wasn't dependant, and I was able to handle the transition back in to marijuana-land. I had no idea the effect it was having on my body, however. About 20 days ago, I had to say goodbye to my awesome girlfriend as she went away for the summer. I had spent 8 days with her, and I didn't smoke during that time, and as soon as I left her, I started feeling intense anxiety about being apart from her. I didn't realize that while the feelings of missing her were real, they were feeding the negative thought machine of marijuana withdrawal. I started smoking again with my friends, and the feelings didn't go away. I would smoke every 2 days, and once again, I was unwittingly sending my body through hell by choice. 7 days ago, I decided that I needed to quit once and for all. I was not emotionally healthy, and it was taking a tax on my long distance relationship. I was so dependant on my girlfriend to make me happy, and I decided I needed to get healthy. I was awake in the middle of the night, and on a whim, got up and flushed my entire stash of weed. It was so damned liberating to watch the marijuana spiral down the porcelain drain. I decided to take a vacation with my brother's family, and I have spent the last week away from all my weed associations and paraphernalia. It has been rough, and I have spent as much time as I could afford reading posts on this forum, doing research about withdrawal and trying to understand what was happening in my body. The intense anxiety has subsided, and now I am left with sleeplessness, crazy dreams, mild depression, and I am started to feel a headache on the right side of my head. I haven't had vivid dreams in years, and I'm finding them a little unsettling. I don't sleep much, and when I do it is only for a couple of hours at a time. The negative thoughts are starting to go away, and I'm beginning to see life through a new set of eyes. The world is starting to seem more optimistic, and time is passing more quickly for me. It's only been seven days of soberiety, although I really didn't smoke too much in the ten days before that. I guess I'll conclude with the following: The symptoms you are feeling are quite natural and they will go away. Already I'm handling the anxiety better, my mood is lifting, and I'm feeling better now that I have for the past 20 days. Life is starting to seem good again, and I no longer feel trapped in this bubble of anxiety. It WILL get better. My appetite has increased, and I expect that I will soon find the slumber I'm so eagerly awaiting. I wish you all luck. And a little luck for myself as well. Best! Jester