I am a 44yo female who was a college educated professional that loved life and my many friends. Several years ago I collapsed from an unknown internal bleeding tumor at work. After it was removed... along came more tumors, 20+ surgeries, severe sepsis with permanent muscle and tendon damage which led to daily physical therapy to learn how to walk again. After losing every cent in savings on medical care and years of trying to pull myself back up, I finally threw in the towel and applied (and received) disability and Medicare.

Early on, my PCP recommend a pain management clinic who put me on 10mg methadone 3x a day with hydrocodone 2x a day if needed.

I can say it has subsided the pain to where I can function but I also gained over 80 pounds, am sluggish and cannot sleep a full night, only 2 or 3 hours at a time. The worst part is I've lost all my friends and most contact with the outside world due to my embarrassment and depression.

I don't know if I'm realistic about getting off of methadone, when my pill begins to wear off during the day, the pain again is excruciating. 

I have given my life to Christ and want to help people and make a difference! I want to get off the meds and try to move on clean. I have a wonderful husband and son and am tired of living in the past of "remember when's".

Help.

 Is it realistic to think I can be free again to work, to exercise, etc?

If so has anyone had a similar experience with pain management and deciding to be clean? Most posts are for drug addiction and feel alone.