Today she saw the specialist who told her that there was definitely no opening, so he couldn't tell "what was underneath", and that he couldn't even confirm if she was a girl or boy!!! He said he was referring her to a Gynaecologist, but the appointment would take 4 - 5 months.
As you can imagine, my daughter-in-law was distraught.
All her other girly 'bits' are normal - labia, clitoris, etc. She is a beautiful little girl, with 'girly' features and mannerisms.
Can anyone tell me if they've had a similar situation, as both my son & daughter-in-law are besides themselves with worry.
I am disappointed that your presumably adult children are distraught and besides themselves with worry.
If your grandchild starts tearing heads off small animals, I'd be concerned. Other than that, you have a beautiful child, and since your child is a mental and emotional sponge, I think it would be greatly appreciated by her, if your children would stop radiating extreme distress, and would start act as the parents of a wonderful child.
Among the myriad variations of humanity, there are indeed some whose sexual dna is subtly different from other people's. One of the greatest tragedies is to take a knife to a masterpiece, or convert a miracle to a tragedy. So their daughter is special. After they've begun to come to terms with the fact that life isn't always as they predict - and your daughter is by all accounts entirely healthy and playful, and growing up to be a charming young child - then they can start to imagine how they can be responsible, generous, caring adults for a beautiful young girl.
Until or unless she reaches puberty, there are no grounds for visibly distinguishing her as a girl or boy, so for as long as she acts and thinks in a girly manner, why not relate to her as that. There will come a day perhaps when what nature gave her poses some questions as to her fitting in with other girls and boys, and I sincerely hope that by then she will have experienced a decade's warm, loving, reassuing parenthood, so that she will know intrinsically in every cell in her body that she is perfect, and special, just as every parent thinks of their child as perfect and special.
When she is 18, or older, she may elect to perform any surgical act on her body that she chooses, but until then, until someone other than her parents has an emotional problem, or until society begins to have a problem, I sincerely hope that your children will begin to behave with rather more trust, courage, strength and appreciation for the beauty of creation, and rather less adolescent fear of their child being 'different'.
There are several billion people out there with less reason to be thankful for their lot in life: having a healthy child, who has given no outward sign of herself being in distress, is definitely not a tragedy. There is a film I saw, in the last few years, that dealt with such an issue, and there was much, frankly, to be saddened by and disgusted by, in the film makers' portrayal.
You have ten years before this becomes an issue that will require some sensitivity in handling.
Let's hope that by then, your children have learned some dignity, balance, and trust.
Right now, I do indeed feel sorry for your grandchild, but it is not because of her condition.
She is the most beautiful little ray of sunshine that you ever saw, and we agree that there are many many conditions out there that would be cause for far greater concern. Her condition is not life-threatening, and we thank God for that.
Indeed, if I can offer any hope, it is precisely that surgery is not the answer to everything, and if you stay true to that light and joy you see in their child, I am sure you will find a happy and successful way forward. I also embrace your warm description of your children (one step-), and offer the following only as something to ponder: you cannot hide your emotion. I am a healer, one among millions on the planet, one among 8 billion humans who radiate energy, regardless of our opinion and belief.
See the light and joy in your young child, and stay true to that, and all other issues will be amenable to appropriate action.
Hint: in twenty years time, and not today, your grand-child may begin to explore her options, in a world where many 'men' and 'women' already make - hopefully informed - choices to modify their gender, and do so as a powerful preference or life choice. It is not my choice, or yours, but for them it works. If your grandchild elects to make such a choice 'back' to the mundane, she will have plenty of time and opportunity to do so, and making the decision for her, irrevocably, is neither in her interest, nor ultimately in yours - your children's fear and concern on that matter is entirely legitimate, and may perhaps be considered to be a minor war being engaged between what they feel to be right, and fear to be wrong: as long as your grandchild experiences life as light, enjoy that light, and when she is disturbed and confused, be the wisdom that she can lean on.
I am touched and reassured by your reply. Good luck to you all.
Please look at other conversations on this matter - this seems to be quite a common occurrence. Some people have mentioned a cream that doctors give to open the area, some mention that the opening has opened up naturally later on (around 3/4 years) and others have talked about surgery - as it is imperative that when menstruating there is an opening for blood to leave the body. I wish you and your family all the best. xx