Oh sweetie:'( My heart is absolutely breaking for you & before I start trying to advice you, I just wanna say- stay strong. You've done massively well to get where you are- don't waste all that effort by relapsing.
I can't advice you from a personal point of view- only from what I've seen in life with people I know & what I know from my 'job'.
When someone is in recovery, old friends are the straight road in to a relapse. I'm guessing that your situation is not going to facilitate a move of home? TBH, your ex probably didn't have a chance of a full-recovery if he is still mixing with friends that use & deal. Rule number one of 'moving on'- delete the past. I don't know if you were offered any form of psycho-therapy for going clean, along with the Suboxone, so I don't know if I'll be repeating things you've already heard.
A lifestyle that revolves around drugs needs an overhall; it's needs revamping & re-styling. That means friends, routines, other habits, etc. Not only does the overall mean that you don't have the temptation of friends, boredom, regular stressors & behaviours related to the drug habit, but it's also a way of cutting it out of your life. It's symbolic- you change for the better because it's gone.
Your ex is obviously having a hard time with cutting it out; he's still keeping in contact with users/dealers & he's reluctant to tell them "I'm done- it's wrecking my life, so I'm out". He's lying to you, because he's lying to himself. He's probably using a great deal of self- justification when using. He'll be going through a hundred excuses for using that don't outweigh the ones for staying clean. He also probably thinks that if he can keep up the pretence with you, then he'll stop soon. If he admits it, he risks you relapsing & him taking longer to stop.
However- you need to confront him again & present him with some evidence (like the Q-tips). Do it gently & sympathetically, with a lot of understanding & encouragement that a relapse doesn't mean the end of getting clean. It's only a hitch.
The last thing you both need is stress from an argument & that will only encourage him to go & get high- and you to wish you were high!
The most important thing I can say though is that sometimes, people need to hit rock bottom to be able to start climbing back up. At the moment, your partner has not hit rock bottom- he still has you & his children. Clean parents are the best thing you can give to your children, but right now you're the only one giving that to them & you staying clean depends on the people around you being supportive. He's not being supportive.
While you love him, I'm sure you love yourself & your children too, so being a single-parent might be the best option for you. At least until your partner starts changing his lifestyle for good. It's not uncommon for couples to split up in order to get clean. Having someone living with you who using drugs is a sure fire way to relaspe and you can't afford to do that. Your whole future & the future of your children is dependent on you being clean. If he's a hinderance to that, you need to seperate him from your lives for a while, until he shows that he can stay clean.
No matter how much you love him- you can't make him stay clean. That's his decission. And no matter how much you love him, he has to get to the point of 'Change' on his own.
If he's that determined to keep his family, he'll start making those changes & will stop using & lying about it. However, you need to look after yourself & your children. You're at a different stage of recovery to him & he needs to catch up with you, before your relationship will be a healthy one.
Good luck on your journey & all my very best wishes. Stay strong & stay focused on Livin<3
My heart is with you...
I suggest a few things you can do.
1) Praise him constantly, when he is on the "normal side" and tend to dismiss him when you are certain he has been up to some thing. Im not saying to avoid him, though, thats the worst thing you can possibly do!
2) Leave random brochures and pamphlets about rehabilitaion around, without making it too obvious, just place one on the table. If your really serious put one under some of YOUR MAKEUP, so if your making a bigger change then he might too.
3) Tell your kids. They are going to findout about it one way or another. They need to know, they might be able to have the most powerful imact on him, more than any doctor or REHAB centre ever will.
4) Generally bring up the convosation about how happy you are to have quitted.
5) Present some facts (they can be lies) about how dangerous the stuff is to someone's health.
6) Create a calander and put it in your room (or somewhere else your husband can see it) draw of an X for each day write a nice coment like "I feel so fit!". Your progress may be the key to his break through.
7) Protect your kids, you don't want them creating bad habits!
8) Make an appointment with the doctor (or whoever you went to see) again to see how well you have progressed. He may feel some guilt or anxiousness and stop immediently.
I'm feel for you, and I will pray for you. Goodluck! :)