To start off my names Cara. This is going to be an extremely long post. I'm 18 and my therapist tells me she believes I have BPD. Personally I believe I have turned into a psychopath.. Or what they now call it ASPD.. Anyway.. Where to begin.. When I was younger I had awful "harm OCD" I was always afraid I was going to hurt someone or myself. I had great interpersonal relationships. I loved my family more than words could explain.. When I moved from NY to GA when I was about 5 I cried so hard I hyperventilated because I loved my nana and I was terrified that something would happen to her.. When I got to GA I cried for days. And this happened everytime I left NY when I was visiting. We had many animals growing up, and each time one of them passed away I would be devastated, COMPLETELY devastated. I didn't want to get any more pets for the longest after my cat was hit by a car because I was scared of the next animal dying. Also I had sympathy for everyone, and everything. Even inanimate objects like my studded animals. They all had to be on my bed under the blankets. I loved my parents and had a very close relationship with them, and I absolutely ADORED my siblings.. And then 2 years ago everything changed. I began having thoughts of bringing a gun to school and killing everyone, I really don't know why.. My anxiety disappeared and I had no guilt of these thoughts like I used to. I wanted to kill everyone around me. And didn't care about the consequences. I met my dad, whom before I wanted to meet so bad I would cry so much because I wanted to know him, and when I saw him last year I felt nothing. When I'm mean to someone, I don't care. I don't care if they cry, not even my sisters. I'm emotionless. Recently I tried to kill myself because my boyfriend broke up with me and I wanted him to get back with me. I lie about EVERYTHING, even the smallest things.. Last year in march I became very depressed. I spent 9 months in and out of a psych ward. I was on atleast 15 different antidepressants.. None of them worked. I even had electro convulsive therapy which did nothing, and I had 12 sessions. I feel like I'm going crazy, losing my mind. I don't enjoy anything anymore, I used to LOVE life so much. It's so odd because I used to have anxiety and it's gone. I have none at all. I'm empty. I feel nothing. For anyone. When I look at my current girlfriend who I dated a while ago and I loved her, I don't feel anything. No love, no compassion. This started after I stopped birth control, the repulsive thoughts and major depression. I have never been so miserable. I used to be a social butterfly, now I don't want to do anything.. I used to love sex.. Now I could care less. I used to love people, now everyone annoys me and I want to just torture people for no reason. And everyone says I'm unbelievably charming.. Doesn't that scream psychopath? And aren't borderline a basically psychopaths?! What happened to me?! Why is this happening? Please give me your opinion