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Five years ago I left my work as a medical assistant to care full time for my mother after my siblings had kept her for 3 weeks after my father's passing; long enough to empty their savings and checking. Then I received a phone call to "get this woman out of my house." This was from my older sister and her daughter, primarily, although the other sibs knew what was going on.

After my mother passed, I went back to work but out in rural area I could only find part time. However, my boss assured me that it would soon become full time. As I saw it was not going any further, I continued to seek more work. In this time frame, I lost my home. On my mother's tiny SS income, we did without many basics to include electricity sometimes, for weeks. My daughter knew this but couldn't (didn't) care.

Finally as foreclosure came to the present, she told me that I could put my belongings in storage and live with her to get back on my feet. During the time I took care of my mom, I ate very little food so there would be enough for her, being on a special diet of certain foods too. Consequently, I went from 126 pounds down to presently 96 pounds. With eating only a bit of plain pasta (Ramen noodles) once every couple or so days, my teeth rotted and I developed sores over most of my body.

The best thing of all of this is that when I got my mom she was on 5 medications ( some drugs so they could spend her and Dad's money) and weighed less thant me at present. In no time I had her down to two meds and up to 128 pounds - I loved my parents with all my heart.

So now having lived in my daughter's garage in the sweltering Texas summer with no cooling and just having gone thru a very cold winter with no heat (did bring lots of blankets) for the last 7 months, she wants me out. She made so many promises if I would "just" come here. She said she would help me get on a dental plan with her dentist, she said she would get my broken down car up to par so I could look for work. Not only did none of this come to pass, I came with my animal companions (cats) who happened to be the only ones there for me in those cold winter days (I tried to set them free; they wouldn't go).

She says that I need to get rid of my animals and go to work and save up FIRST to get a place again and get my car fixed to be able to get to work. I just cannot abandon them after all they have been thru with me. Dogs, cats, bond deeply and they would know I abandoned them. I could not live on having done that. I am different I know as self survival is very strong in most but if I surrendered them, I would have no one and I just couldn't live with what I had done to my trusting companions.. My daughter only works two days a week, yet in those five years she came to spend time with me maybe half dozen times and that was for only a couple hours each time.

The ironic part is in that they (her and her husband) want me, after I give up my sole reason for having come this far, my animals, to live in this garage until I can save up enough to get a little place. How am I to get to and from work? I have a job lined up but I won't tell them I will take it when I KNOW I have no way to get there and back. They won't take/pick me up; frankly, they can't be bothered.

More ironic is that my son in law has a wealthy mother (from having heavily insured, after marrying two ill men) whom he counts on for everything.

For example: He wanted (he and the daughter) a bigger home. The mother put $7000 down on it for them. They didn't have to save up FIRST. They already had a roof over their head and jobs and still couldn't take time to save up FIRST. From shooting off his mouth at work about telling them they couldn't function without him, he got demoted down to Walmart wages. Hence, he lost his company vehicle. The mother just went and bought him another one; he didn't have to save up FIRST. The granddaughters became of driving age so the mother just bought them cars; they didn't have to save up FIRST for them either.
In his lowly wage position, he had no DRIVE to move beyond that; he knew my daughter would just take on more work. It was a friend of theirs who kept him from getting fired right off and in fact got him back into management.

They don't know; they have no idea (because of his mother, who even early on paid them out of "over" debt a number of times) what it is like to be in the crawl space of the lowest point in ones life) and yet suffering from Major Clinical Depression; never mind suffering from several poorly healed fractures from an X who finally, thank the fates, walked out, taking institutional doeses of antidepresants, trying to hang on to hoping they might give a care (at least my daughter who always says: I love you, I love you deeply!) before I have to do what I know I have to do.

I will not abandon those who have been with me all along; all rescued from the street; just precious little moggies who depend on me so. My plan is to put the hose in under the garage door and into the tailpipe of one of their vehicles while they sleep and going to a permanent night night. At least if she'd left me be in my home I could have done this before we were put out and she wouldn't have to deal with the clean up. I say this because a few days ago, she said: " I think you are giving up (DUH!) and I'm going to have to deal with all your stuff in the storage building!!" That made me feel so special. Really, how much more clearly could it be spelled out to me that all her words were just empty platitudes. Guess I'm just at least good at hanging on to that last ray of hope even after it isn't there.

My only plea here is that perhaps someone has a more particular, effective way, to get thru to obviously calloused hearts. I want to live but I have no way to survive if I can't have just a bit of crisis intervention. It's also ...I don't know the word, that when I said to her that I just needed a little "boost" you would have thought I asked her to rob a bank. She forgets all the boosts they have had when they WERE in a position to "save up first."


Any words of wisdom...or criticism are very welcome!


Faye

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I hope you are still alive Faye since this was posted in 2007. Suicide is never the way out. <3
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Have you heard of Catholic Charities? Please contact them and they will interview the elderly person. If they qualify for
Medicare Benefits they will refer you to any agency that employs Home Care Aides and CNA's. It will be a great relief &
benefit for both of you. Help is out there. I've been working as a Home Care Aide for several years and find it to be
very rewarding. It gives the family a break, and they are better able to cope when the aide isn't on duty.
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