I had my abortion last summer and since then my feelings have been unbearable. I was pushed into having abortion by my boyfriends family and because they were the only people who knew i was pregnant I done what they said. They made threats about chucking me out (i just finished uni and i was living with my boyfriend at his parents) if i didnt go through with an abortion. To be honest it was all a blur, I just felt so vunerable. The days before it I couldn't stop crying because I really wanted to keep them but because I was scared and felt to young ( i am 21) I just followed with what my boyfriends parents were saying. I ended up staying in hospital for the night after the abortion happened as i suffered from a very bad anxiety attack because I knew that I did not want to go through with it. This is why I am so unhappy now, I feel as though I should not of listened to anyone and shouldve done what I wanted to do. Now it was my fault that I have killed a baby that i had secretly longed for. For the past months i have cried and had sucidal thoughts every day. I just want to feel 'normal' again and because only my boyfriend and his family know, i have to put a massive front on to everyone else to pretend that nothing is wrong. My baby was due to be born next week and this is destroying me, what makes it worse that my boyfriend is going away with work then so I will be by myself and I am not sure how I am going to cope. Please don't judge me, I feel as though I just needed to try and let this all out. I would love to speak to people who have all been through the same as I feel as though my boyfriend and his family dont understand, they just say it will get better in time. How will it? This is something i have got to live with for the rest of my life..