No connection betweem me & my boyfriend.

I am so frustrated about my situation, I have been in this relationship for 4 years now; & so far no real connection. In the beginning there was more magic, however there was still a level of uncomfort between the two of us. I was his boss & I am guessing that is one of the reason why we didn't feel that comfortable about talking about each other's feeling; however after a few months that was gone. We been living together for 3 1/2 year, however we have the minimal amount of conversation, I ask him something & he stays quiet; I ask him an open ended question & I don't get no answer or a slight response that I can hardly hear. I can't say that I am in love with him, however I feel that if there was more communication between the two of us that would change, this summer I took a vacation away from him for about 3 weeks & when we spoke on the phone we would speak for a minute or two & the only times when the conversation lasted more than 3 minutes it was with a long silence in between because I would ask him something & he would not respond. How can I help us out if he doesn't help me by contributing to fix our lack of communication. I am not sure if the reason why he is always in this zoned out is because he smokes weed, however the few times that I have made him quit that c**p he attitude changes from zoned out to extremely agressive & arrogant. I cannot take either of the behaviour & don't know what to do; because if I was to move it would be to a whole new city (NYC) which I can't afford on my own with a $500 car payment plus minimum rent of $1200 a month plus all other utilities & expenses. I feel trapped, help; I hope a proffesional can really help me with this because its driving me insane.