I am trying hard to accept being 50, my partner is 10 years younger than I we both wanted to have a baby and tried IVF when this did not work we were left broke and wondering if we have the time or the same opptomistic ideal to go overseas to try again. I'm not sure if its a baby I want or just my youth back. Both are now impossible all that I have is a desire to be elswhere in my life but where? If I can not have children why have the relationship, to turn the pages of the current book I have lost my self in? My partner has my to love about him but is it enough? Lets face it with out me in his life feeling as half hearted as I do he may at least find a younger woman whom could produce a baby for him. See what I mean, where to go from here?
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Having a baby at 50? Do you really want to be 70 when he/she grows up?
You can't go back, you need to look forward and find things you can enjoy doing now.
Nothing in the last 20 years of my life has gone the way I planned or expected. My career as a TV repair tech began to die 20 years ago when I was 50. How many TV repair shops do you see these days? My retirement plan was my house. I bought a house when I was 28 that had 3 apartments in it with the capabillity of a fourth. Living rent free in a house that's paid for with 3 apartments providing me income added to our social security should have given me and the wife a pretty darn good retirement. The diminishing TV business destroyed the "paid for" part and a zoning change took away the 4th apartment I planned to add. At 72 I have had to find a part time job to survive. My house is mortgaged for it's full value and I have no possible way to ever see it paid off. Our meager SS does not cover living expenses so my wife had to get a job too.
Over the years we have constantly met new friends and found new things to do for fun. Aside from the financial stress, we're having a great time. At least we still have our home and a whole bunch of friends. Nobody knows what will happen tomorrow but we are having a ball today. Being broke and trying to pay the bills is almost like being young again.
Enjoy each day as it comes.
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