Unfortunately.....but it was. If you we're looking at my situation from the outside you'd probably never image that it would even need to be an option. I'm 30 years old, married for the past 6 years and have 2 children. I know how to hold down a job and my husband's been building a small business which so far this year has made our lives better overall financially. A number of things played into my decision to have an abortion...even more so now then it ever did when I found out I was pregnant with my first 2 children. Weird huh? For one...we have a crutch.....before I met my husband I've always lived at my parents home with my 1st child, it made life easier.  Once I met my husband and got pregnant literally right away things just sorta worked out in a way where we all still lived under one roof and it's been that way for 7 years now. Sure that brings difficulty at times but we certainly pull our own weight and are no free loaders. So it's just been made in comments over the years that we have no room for no more babies or animals. Which is true. And instead of going forth with our own lives and doing whatever we please as adults I still hold on to my crutch. This is home, no other place in this small town will survise to what my children have got to grow up in. I'm terrified of the commitment of owning a home in such a small town and don't want to set my fate here by locking down something for the next 30 years and throwing my money into rent is out of the question. But see how far away from the subject of my decision I just got....just over that one reason. Second....being a parent is hard and honestly I know Im just not as great a parent or as engaged as most normal parents seem to be. Neither is my husband. I'll blame society on that. We're selfish. We do not have the desire to teach or even really look at how our 2 beautiful replicas of ourselves are growing up. Literally my daughter is my twin and my son is my husband's. So I could not see how bringing yet another life into the picture was going to help enrich either one of my children's lives. They'd both be pushed to the back burner when they are still very much in need of raising now which they are hardly receiving. I cannot justify how that would be fair to either of them. I've never been on birth control since I had my son 6 years ago, we've just always been careful. When i got pregnant this time I knew we were playing with fire and were not so careful as we kknowingly have been. I was in the process of looking into having my tubes closed. Even before I found out I was pregnant i already knew i didn't want another child! So why was i playing with fire. After my first positive test i had immediately made an appointment for a medical abortion 3 days later for a Saturday appointment. I kind of liked the thought of being pregnant but again that is just selfishness. Oh baby talk, maternity clothes, baby shower, belly rubs....all false advertisement which I am glad I'm smart enough not to fall for 100%. I had to drive almost 2 hours away to this clinic in a bigger city..sure enough as I pulled in alone because my husband stayed home with our kids...what do I see outside? Protesters holding signs... my biggest fear is the clinic being bombed or somthing. I simply parked far away, hid my face and ran inside. There it was a typical medical office waiting area....i was signed in and given a number.....3....which I was called patient #3 for the next few hours. I had to take a urine sample and do paper work. They then called 1,2 and 3 (me) back to a room to watch a short film. I got teary eyed because I was upset that this was the right decision. After the video we sat back in the lobby....4,5,6,7,8 all were called back for the same showing on the little screen tv. I was sickened by how normal some of the people were acting with their loved ones/family in the waiting room. I felt like i was attending a funeral and these people seemed to just be going on about their daily business and discussions.....at the abortion clinic...that bothered me. A nurse called me back individually and went over typical health related questions. Back to lobby for more waiting. This place is literally like a slaughter house patients in and out like cattle. Eventually a man rushed through the front door and to the back who seemed to be dressed as "the doc". I was called back to a room with a sonogram machine and spent all about 2 minutes with the doc checking my uterus to see my bean. He was more interested about how easy i was able to locate them online then what was inside my body. After 1,2,4 and 5 got pictures of their bean that's when the administrating of the first dose of pills came. Which really felt like a slaughter house! No time for hesitation or contemplation! No counseling or discussion. Sit, listen to instructions and take the first pill in front of the doctor, hit the door. My nervousness about the situation wasn't the fact that i knew I was ending a life.... but it was more from what if the procedure was not successful and I'd have to undergo a surgical procedure if I had any complications. When i was home and it was time to get things started with the other round of pills I was nervous that they'd taste horrible and I'd throw them up then they not be successful. This was not the case at alll. After soaking the pills in my gums it felt and tasted like nothing. I started cramping later into the night which I'm glad I timed well enough so i could be discreet. (You know, with my kids and living situation) As I started cramping pretty bad during the night..i turned and saw my husband sound asleep....and thought hmm this would be us if I were up caring for a new born. Look whose up because mothers ofcourse have the natural instinct to rise when the baby cries way more then any father does. Good choice reason #3. Right there. A lot of other little obvious reasons such as daycare, medical care, car space, babysitters so on and so on. What makes me ponder my decision is the fact that my husband was always for having another child but yet it just wasn't the right choice. It bothers me that i am not just some single woman popping out random children with different men....we are married and love eachother..yet this was the right decision. The fact that me not being mature enough to grow a pair of balls and fully trust myself and husband to leave the damn nest hurts me that i made the right decision. The unknown kills me....i don't live in the past what so ever but this one will have me stumped for a While. I want to shout it out to anyone that talks bad about abortion, or makes a smart comment about my life or living situation. No one knows what goes into someone's choice to take this path. Call it the easy way out, but I think it's been the most responsible decisions that I've ever had to make. I hold little regret but now will think hard about my actions before doing ANYTHING ever again! This decision takes the cake for all the good and bad choices I've made over my lifetime. And I was raised all about making "choices" so it's funny that life had brought me to this one. I know I made the right choice for our family. Please do your research on your options and get help/advise ASAP. Look at the long road not just now. I mean in reality I would have loved to had the opportunity to have lived my life alone with my husband before having any children in the first place.