I have an answer for you, its called Interstial Cystitis my GYN diagnosed me with it about 10 years ago and I went to dr after dr who made me crazy. There are things that trigger flare ups and it makes you feel like you have a UTI every day and you can have muscle spasms and leak urine. Burning, pain etc. I also have endometriosis which makes it worse but look up IC and follow the IC diet. I take Elmiron three times a day and drink LOTS of water! :-D
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It sounds to me like you guys are describing is interstitial cystitis(which is not really one disease but is many lumped together as one because it is not well enough understood)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstitial_cystitis.
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i'm 66yrs for 4yrs still putting up with problem of trying to hold my urine and once a month i get pain pressure and fell like i have to pee but can;tpee tilli drink also .the only thing that helps me is hot tea idrink one or 2 cups then pee and it does'nt hurt and i'm fine.my urthea has droped& seeing a urologest seen gyn the urologest wants to do a sling i will think about it or other options.what you don't have to be old for a droped utehea.its from child birth it gives you the problems. the urologest said tea flushes . a uteha can be painful if you want more info webmd
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