At 7:00 am tomorrow morning, I will have been clean 17 days.
I promised myself that when I felt better, I would hop on this forum and share my experiences; not long ago, it was me bundled up in a blanket reading endless pages of these forums trying to figure out how to make it easier.
A little bit about me... I have not been on heavy drugs that long. At my very worst, I took 14-15 roxy 30's per day. This habit formed a black hole in my wallet; a void that was IMPOSSIBLE to fill. But the high was completely worth it. I didn't just start taking roxy's out of the blue (no pun intended), I was in a pretty bad car accident. Guy rear ended my truck and completely totaled his car; he hit me when I was stopped... He was doing about 45-50.
Doctor gave me Tylenol 3 and Loretabs for a month or so, then switched me to Tramadol. A month later, he wanted me off the narcotics all together. Convenient enough, I got sick just as this happened and my GP gave me a HUGE bottle of Hydromet. I sipped on the syrup for another 2 weeks-- Kept getting refills. My doctor has seen me for over 20 years now and trusts me at this point.
But soon the time came where I could not get anymore of that sizzurp. This was where I took to the streets. I was hesitant at first to try a blue (or berry), I saw my roommate from college destroy his life on them and I was super reluctant to follow suit.
I split that first pill right down the middle and rode off into the sunset with a HUGE smile on my face. To date, THIS WAS THE BEST OPIATE HIGH THAT I HAVE EVER HAD. I kept wanting to feel that again... But it does not work that way. You always try to get to that point you were once at, but you never seem to be able to hit it the way you did before.
Anyway, it became a habit. Roll out of bed, take a pill. Go to work, take a pill. Going fishing, taking 2 pills. Got a long day outside ahead of me, taking 2 pills. After about 6 or 7 months of this, I noticed that 2 pills made me feel normal. $40 dollars just to feel normal made no sense to me; like I'm paying a tax on my life to avoid being sick.
So I made the switch to Suboxone. I knew it was dangerous; a good friend of mine said he could not move for 2 and a half weeks after he detoxed from it and he was only on it for 13 days. I said screw that, I won't let it get out of control.
I should have seen it coming. 7 months later, it was time to clean up. I did not like who I was becoming. I could not feel anymore; like I was numb to all emotions. I was irritable, angry, and at the mercy of this orange strip. I knew it was going to be bad... I did not wean down at all; in fact, my last 5 doses were:
Sunday AM: 4mg
Sunday PM: 4mg
Monday AM: 4mg
Monday PM: 4mg
Tuesday AM: 2mg
This was 16 days ago... Since then, I've lowered to hell in a hand basket. I am a fighter and I refused to give into my lesser emotions to get more Suboxone. I have an extremely high threshold for pain... But at some point, even I was questioning my strength.
It will play such an exhausting toll on you... Mentally WAY more than physically. Hopelessness, anxiety, depression, self pity, nostalgia*, and restlessness. It is easily 1/10 as extreme as other opiate withdrawals, but the sheer length of it makes it just as intolerable.
NO BS- this thing takes about 12-15 days before you start feeling better. Even then, motivation is still missing.
For me, I had to keep active. I lifted more weights than I ever did. I ran faster and farther than I have since I played football in high school. The only time I found peace was in the sauna... I cannot say this enough-- SIT IN THE SAUNA! You sweat the toxins right out of your body. I turned that sucker up to 300 degrees and sat in there for 20 minutes. Breathing out of your nose... You can feel the tissue actually begin to combust. THAT IS WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. For an hour or two after that, you will feel relieved.
Anyway, I just wanted to quickly share my experiences with you, message me if you have any questions. I just wanted someone who was me two weeks ago to read this and find the motivation that I did to maintain speed and heading. "THIS TOO SHALL PASS!"
Loading...
thanks! and congrats!! I'm down to 6mg this week total and next week I'm going down to 3mg..I also got to that not myself anymore feeling! doctors won't tell you the sleep you lose later on, or the hunger, or even the emotions ..oh and physically! seriously I'd workout like a monster and wonder why I am losing weight or even feeling the ache. thanks for sharing, it's really good to know there is at least one person that knows what you're going through :)
Loading...
sorry meant *docs prescribing subox want tell you that you'll not be able to really lose weight despite the workout, or sleep you'll lose :(
Loading...
Suboxone is such a fantastic money maker for those doctors. They will show you all of the silver linings, then tell you that it's all in your head when you get off of it.
I am the kind of guy that has an extremely HIGH tolerance for pain. Nobody on this planet or anywhere else could sit down and tell me that the pain and discomfort that I've gone through in the last 3 weeks is all, "in my head."
When you get off of it, you will be anxious, uncomfortable, tired and unable to sleep. You will sneeze some 20-30 times a day, you will always be cold, you will have watery eyes, and a clogged throat. All in all, depending on how long you were on that orange stuff, you could expect to be feeling out of sorts for about 2 and a half weeks.
But the good news is, the endorphins that were being blocked all that time start to fire around 5 or 6 days after your last dose. I noticed I was getting excited about things I would never even care about before. That excitement caused me to have the chills down my spine- goosebumps on my arms. That will fade away completely by 14 days.
The bottom line is no matter how hard it gets, you can make it through. Just push yourself to be positive, read other people's experiences on here, and get some physical activity in each day. Progressively more as time goes on too.
Now I'm going to the gym every single day (except Friday's), I stretch, run, lift, walk it off, then sit in the sauna for about 15 minutes. You will not want to do anything physical until like 6 or 7 days in, but try to keep your mind busy. STARING AT THE CLOCK WILL NOT MAKE TIME SPEED UP! Take it from me, I kept counting down the minutes until the next day- hoping it would be better than today.
Progress comes slowly. But you will notice it... Good luck!
Loading...
Thank U 4 Ur post... I do have a ?, if U dont mind me asking... I have been tapering of the film, for the past 4 days been taking one mg, started out taking 16 mg, then 8, then 4, & for the past 2 weeks taking 2 mg... Been taking the film 4 about 25 days, & today was my last dose... How bad R the withdrawals? Can U function, U know get up & do things?, is it just as worse as withdrawals from pills, or herion?... Can U sleep is my big ?,?...
Loading...
Well, it depends I guess.
See, I was self medicating 4 mg in the morning and 4 mg in the evening after work. I was in this routine for about 6 or 7 months as I was trying to get off of the little blue pills.
I took my last Suboxone at 7:15 am on Tuesday July 3, 2012. Today is July 28, 2012, and I am still fighting through waves of discomfort.
The first 8-9 days are the worst. You get a weird anxious feeling that brings down your confidence and your self esteem (I do not have social problems... I am very confident in who I am and my virtues, but you will be brought down to the gates of hell psychologically).
After that, the physical pain slowly diminishes. The mental anguish endures for a LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG TIME! There is no sugar coating it.
Another thing that I noticed; I have 20/10 vision. I have had my eyes tested, re-tested, and re-re-tested over the last few years (when I was interested in going to Marine OCS for aviation). I have noticed that my vision is diminished a bit. I notice that my left eye (most powerful eye) has trouble focusing on details that I KNOW I should be able to see. Then the next day, it will move to my right eye. BUT it never affects both eyes at the same time... Weird.
Wednesday July 25, 2012 was lobster mini-season. I went diving all day long and by 4 pm, I was utterly EXHAUSTED. Normally, I can free-dive and scuba dive for bugs from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm, then empty and clean the boat. Not this time, I was a ZOMBIE! I was really hoping that by mini-season, I would be somewhat normal... Oh well, I did this to myself.
This drug is a big help to people who need it. But if you are taking it to reinforce your brain not needing to get high, it is very dangerous! I have an extremely high tolerance for pain too. I had complete knee replacement surgery to repair my ACL, MCL, PCL, and meniscus. I was hit by the prop of an 18 foot boston whaler that broke 3 bones in my elbow, severed the nerve that runs down my arm to my fingers. In college, I also cut my finger off in a cold cut slicer at Moe's Southwest Grill. I put it on ice and drove myself to the hospital to have it reattached. I used to love getting high with my roommates in college (who pitched for the university). He would get a bottle of 180 Loritab/Tylenol 3/ Hydro's. The habit was one I decided to break 6 months ago with Suboxone.
That was before I had any idea how rough the Sub w/d was going to be. I have been to hell and back... On many different occasions. I have my checklist of what to do and how to deal with pain. One thing I will help you out with as best as I can is this MILLION dollar piece of advice; cannabis! I can't recommend anybody to break the law nor am I admitting to any illicit activities, but if you are open to a tip... Instead of going out and trying to find something to replace Suboxone that will make you dependent later on down the road, try putting something in your body that grows out of the earth.
Anyway, I am having an overall good day, it just comes and goes in waves. Right now I am feeling crappy, but I know that I am another day closer to being free from the chains and the tyranny of opium dependence. Get yourself excited and hyped up! It will help. In hindsight, I am glad that I did not taper... I needed to be reminded of the pain.
See, I was self medicating 4 mg in the morning and 4 mg in the evening after work. I was in this routine for about 6 or 7 months as I was trying to get off of the little blue pills.
I took my last Suboxone at 7:15 am on Tuesday July 3, 2012. Today is July 28, 2012, and I am still fighting through waves of discomfort.
The first 8-9 days are the worst. You get a weird anxious feeling that brings down your confidence and your self esteem (I do not have social problems... I am very confident in who I am and my virtues, but you will be brought down to the gates of hell psychologically).
After that, the physical pain slowly diminishes. The mental anguish endures for a LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG TIME! There is no sugar coating it.
Another thing that I noticed; I have 20/10 vision. I have had my eyes tested, re-tested, and re-re-tested over the last few years (when I was interested in going to Marine OCS for aviation). I have noticed that my vision is diminished a bit. I notice that my left eye (most powerful eye) has trouble focusing on details that I KNOW I should be able to see. Then the next day, it will move to my right eye. BUT it never affects both eyes at the same time... Weird.
Wednesday July 25, 2012 was lobster mini-season. I went diving all day long and by 4 pm, I was utterly EXHAUSTED. Normally, I can free-dive and scuba dive for bugs from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm, then empty and clean the boat. Not this time, I was a ZOMBIE! I was really hoping that by mini-season, I would be somewhat normal... Oh well, I did this to myself.
This drug is a big help to people who need it. But if you are taking it to reinforce your brain not needing to get high, it is very dangerous! I have an extremely high tolerance for pain too. I had complete knee replacement surgery to repair my ACL, MCL, PCL, and meniscus. I was hit by the prop of an 18 foot boston whaler that broke 3 bones in my elbow, severed the nerve that runs down my arm to my fingers. In college, I also cut my finger off in a cold cut slicer at Moe's Southwest Grill. I put it on ice and drove myself to the hospital to have it reattached. I used to love getting high with my roommates in college (who pitched for the university). He would get a bottle of 180 Loritab/Tylenol 3/ Hydro's. The habit was one I decided to break 6 months ago with Suboxone.
That was before I had any idea how rough the Sub w/d was going to be. I have been to hell and back... On many different occasions. I have my checklist of what to do and how to deal with pain. One thing I will help you out with as best as I can is this MILLION dollar piece of advice; cannabis! I can't recommend anybody to break the law nor am I admitting to any illicit activities, but if you are open to a tip... Instead of going out and trying to find something to replace Suboxone that will make you dependent later on down the road, try putting something in your body that grows out of the earth.
Anyway, I am having an overall good day, it just comes and goes in waves. Right now I am feeling crappy, but I know that I am another day closer to being free from the chains and the tyranny of opium dependence. Get yourself excited and hyped up! It will help. In hindsight, I am glad that I did not taper... I needed to be reminded of the pain.
Loading...
Thank 4 Ur post... I guess it depends on who the person is I guess... Its been 36 hours now, & its not as bad as I thought it was guna be... I do feel down mentally tho... I find that music & wine help, also I look up that thomas recipe! I found that L-Tyrosine, & B-6 vitamin helps a lot... Also I do recommend taking a multi vitamin while U R on subs, the GNC 50 plus Vitamin. Im not over 50, but think about it, its a bag 4 Ur buck... I think that was a big help 4 me... Because I did feel mentally lost while I was on subs as well, no motivation, 4 life at all... It wasnt bad but I can feel it, I can feel the zombie-ness in me from time 2 time... I am greatful my withdrawals aren't as bad as herion... I hope & pray tomorrow gets better... If U have any other advice 4 me?... Please tell me... I wana thank U 4 Ur guidance & post replys...
Loading...
Tomorrow will be the 5 week point. Honestly, I am thankful that the worst is over, but I am not out of the woods yet... Not by a long shot.
I just got through another 9 hour work day and all I can think of is, "Thank God it's over!" I work in sales, so in order for me to be successful at what I do, I have to be sitting in front of a computer all day. This KILLS ME! I still can't focus, I have little to no energy whatsoever, I have little to no motivation, and my lower back is driving me insane.
I keep praying for the day that I will wake up feeling normal... Hell, I'd even settle for feeling 85%.
Now keep in mind, I have been to hell and back already. The physical withdrawals are gone for the most part, as they do come back from time to time. The depression and "haze" is gone... I am very comfortable about where I am in life. I still am having problems in the bathroom; I have to be extremely close to a clean bathroom when I eat. I will not complain about that because it really does not bother me.
What has bothered me beyond belief is my inability to get a good night sleep. I haven't had one of those since 2 July, 2012; Exactly 5 weeks ago.
All in all, I was extremely positive during the 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th weeks. Now I am starting to let this thing get the better of me. I just want a few hours of relief! I know I brought this on myself and I don't want any charity. All I want is to not feel so lethargic and worthless.
I continue to push myself the way I used to before drugs got into my life, but it is exhausting! I went to Universal Orlando on Saturday; did the park hopper. We knocked every single ride at Universal Studios out in just over two hours. By the time we got to Islands of Adventure, I was looking forward to the walk back to the car. Come 3:00 pm, I was so exhausted and hot that I was about to fall asleep on a bench in the shade. Still, I pushed through it; convinced that I would finally get a good night's rest... This did not happen as I slept for maybe 3 hours and then was WIDE AWAKE.
Is there anybody else out there who jumped cold turkey from 8mg of Suboxone per day? I can't find anybody out there or any forum where people jumped off at 4mg per day... Let alone 8. I could use a little advice here... I am a hard worker and I do have a high tolerance for pain, but this mental and phycological stress is beyond painful. Not having energy is the WORST feeling in the world as far as I'm concerned.
Loading...
we r all different. as with anything else. my chest hurts. i am too old for this bs! i believe a disabled physically is worse...of course thats just me. but a freakin SECOND STAGE WITHDRAWAL SYNDROME??? LOL. this may be it i can barely type. hon' just take it as it comes. don't create more misery than u have to. this is the hardest opiate i have encountered thus far. methadone, hydro, weak tramadol that med is a joke! we all have some same experiences, yet different. i have been depressed most of my life so naturally this is kicking my tail. ok i will spill the crummy question: how old am i? 60 this month. yep i am a fossil. yes this is so hard. younger persons should be ok. right? lol. my klonopin ..doesn't even work anymore. i never really thought i would live this long, not fun.
Loading...