I am a 51 year old woman. I have felt sick for the past three years. Lately it is getting worse. The last several years of my life have been very stressful. I took klonopin for many years but recently weaned myself off of it. I am terrified I am dying. I feel like my insides are wasting away from disease. I have three children and it is difficult to do all the motherly things I need to. The thought of going to a dr or hospital paralyzes me. I know they are going to give me a death sentence and I constantly imagine how I and my children will deal with it when we finally know the truth that I'm dying. But living like this is a sort of death in itself. I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't afraid I was sick with something, but I used to be able to go to a dr and get my mind relieved. I feel this time it is different. I can't go. I don't know what to do anymore.
Forgive me for talking about myself so much.
You said that you feel sick, but didn't told any of the symptoms. Is there any unbearable pain that can be responsible for your thoughts? Or something similar?
But, you can not live in ignorance. You should go to the hospital to clear what's up with you.
You said that you're know that you're dying, and don't want to go to the doctor because, he will tell you the same. But, what if you only imagine your illness or exaggerate it? What if you're wrong? You can not lose anything by going to m.d, but only gain awareness of your state.
At least, you have your children beside you and they can be your biggest support no matter what.