Hello everyone I am trying to figure out my now ex-girlfriend's bizarre behavior. She is 22 and I am 26.
She messages me online via Facebook a year after we meet and it is obvious she is interested in dating me. The email was rushed and anxious and she seemed excited. We go on a couple dates and really hit it off. She tells me off the bat that she was bipolar and she had been in a relationship when we met but told me she had broken up with him and had been out of it for 2 months because he was abusive to her and she fell out of love. She stopped talking to him for two weeks before hand. Anyway things go along quickly and 2 months later she tells me she loves me. I remember this feeling like it was very quick but a couple months later I fall in love with her. She moves up to school and we decide to do the long distance thing. She builds me up a lot telling me I am the best boyfriend she has ever had and that we are perfect for each other, while also talking about all the negative aspects of her ex (alcoholic, abusive).
During her Christmas break I go up to her school with her and we spend the week together. Whenever she was obviously in some place where she wasn't feeling good I would recognize it and try not to overstep her boundaries. The entire week she confesses that she was very irritated with me but asked her therapist about it and the therapist said it was the bipolar and she was relieved because she thought the spark was gone. A couple months later she drives down impulsively for my birthday with one of her friends from school but her behavior contradicts the act as she is acting very cold and distant. Her last night in town we are drunk watching a movie and she tells me that she is feeling disconnected. Additionally she tells me she cheated on her last boyfriend, I’ll call him Troy, with an old high school love named John and she felt horrible about it but she didn’t want to tell me because it would be a red flag and she would never do that to me. She also says that it had only been two weeks since breaking up with Troy before we started dating. She tells me also one night when she was too stoned to drive she slept in the same bed as the guy she drove down with but nothing happened.
I wake up and ruminate on it during the day and become very distraught. Despite everything she says she does not want to break up. We meet up on our anniversary and it is miserable and I ask her one night when we are drunk if she loves me and she says no and appears very not empathetic towards how I feel, and I feel horrible. She tells me that she wants to break off communication before coming back home because it is too stressful for her as she is doing bad in school and that if she misses me when she gets back she will know she loves me. She texts me the next day after we stop talking that she thinks it will work because she already misses me.
She comes back home and is avoiding me, blaming it on her controlling mother. Her father is bipolar and has other mental illnesses and one day she tells me he is going through a very bad episode and needs to drive up to see him. She spends the entire weekend away and misses her best friend’s birthday party who was visiting from overseas. I come home from work and open a different web browser than I normally use and discover that her email is logged on, I know it’s not cool but I check it out and she has emailed herself pictures of herself hanging out with John down south partying. I confront her and we have a terrible break up. She explains that she hates herself and knew she would get hurt so she did it and that she was feeling so disconnected from everything she wanted to feel something. All these hateful feelings were coming out during therapy because she is living with her controlling, attention freak mother. The mother would berate her and terrorize her when she was younger.
Two weeks later it hits her and she is crying and texting me when she is drunk saying how sad she is that we broke up…two weeks as she says that she has delayed emotional responses to stressful events. We end up getting back together and I help her move into a new place and school and we reconnect really well. She hung out with John a couple times after we broke up, she kissed him but felt nothing and realized he was really stupid. First week she is up at school and I am down working she is calling me crying about how much she misses me. She demands that I move up right away, which is pretty much impossible.
As time goes on she begins ignoring me again. She drops one of her easiest classes because she is too depressed to get out of bed to go and ends up chopping all of her hair off. She tells me she thinks that the anti-depressants are making her more depressed and I tell her that isn’t true she just needs to get them adjusted and that she should come down for a psychiatry appointment. So I pay for her to fly down and she ends up getting strep throat and can’t go and we are both really bummed. During this weekend she keeps talking about Troy and is obviously thinking about him but also tells me that she has been thinking of cutting herself and that she needs to drop her classes to come down for therapy and psychiatry appointments to get her meds adjusted.
After I first discovered the email I was so distraught I called in sick to work 3 times that week and layed in bed, unable to go on the computer because I was so depressed and didn’t want to see everyone on Facebook and what not having fun. I remember it’s logged in and I know it’s also not cool but I was curious and afraid of getting hurt again and she is emailing Troy asking him if he wants to hang out. Troy found out while we were together that she cheated on him and it messed him up and he stopped communicating with her and she felt horrible for it. When we got back together he emailed her asking her to watch a movie that he thought was a lot like their relationship, that he forgave her finally, and he wasn’t an angry person anymore. Him opening this door obviously had her thinking about him again for whatever morbid reason. I confront her and she says she is an id**t for it and she doesn’t know what she wants once again.
She comes down the next weekend, I ask her if she wants to hang out with me and her best friend and she says it’s not a good day, and turns off her phone and immediately goes and hangs out with Troy (I drive by her house in the morning and her car is gone). All she can say to me is “I can’t do this anymore I’m in too bad of a place and I can’t drag you down with me”. I tell her we can’t just end a 1-1/2 year relationship through text so she eventually comes over to talk and get her things. She tells me she needs to be alone and can’t be with anyone because she has never been alone and that she needs to get better. I ask her if she had sex with him and she says yes and it tears through me. All she can do is smile at me and barely even says sorry.
I tell the mom that she is thinking of cutting herself because it would be irresponsible of me not to and I tell her about Troy because she hates him with a passion and because he is bad for her and will make her worse.
I then discover that she is hanging out with him and dating him. I’m very torn up that she would do this to me, especially after telling me how bad he was for her and how much she loved me. She constantly complained about it was all him in the relationship, but this time for me it was all her because all I could do was offer my love, empathy, sympathy, money, and got this in return. Confusingly enough she tells me when we talked that she needs to do things for herself because she is always doing things for others. Interestingly enough she also rips my heart out on the day that I am having a huge Halloween party that all of her friends are going to and that she can’t. She also doesn’t bring the proper equipment to pick up her bike and says she will get it later.
Is this bipolar or is she really just a bad person? Is this typical behavior for a depressed bipolar person? I’m also so confused because of her compulsive lying I don’t know what is real. Additionally Troy is depressed and tried to kill himself by driving his car off the road 2 weeks ago which makes it an even more volatile situation for them.
hopefully you can get someone to help :]
Hey man, i feel for you, i really do. And the first thing i'd say to you would be you are definatly not the problem, it is the bi polar that does it to her. It's very hard to hear but bipolar people are cunts and will be cunts to the people closest to them when in a manic state. What really helped me was watching two things, first was stephen frys truth about bipolar / manic depression. second was prozac nation. I recommend you watch both and listen to fiona apples music or watch videos.
I was going out with a bi polar girl for five blissful months, the most amazing girl all round perfectly georgeous. Or so i thought. She had not informed me that she had bipolar. She had a few small ups and downs while we were going out but i dealt with them as best i could. In month 5 she turned, one night when she wasnt at my house for once she text me saying she needed me. She came to my place and cried for hours, started hitting herself and bashing her head off the wall. I hold her with all my strenght and try to calm her. Next day she went to the doctors and got some sort of pills. I presume lithium based. Over next few days she was prone to serious lows, just crying all over the place. After a few days she seemed right again.
It was her birthday soon after, i had bought a ticket for her and myself for a local festival. On that night i had showered her with gifts, i had work next morning and all i wanted to do was bring her home after her birthday but she wouldnt come as wanted to stay with friends i thought this was very suprising as we usually wouldn't spend a moment apart. The next two days were hell for me. Second night of the festival again she didn't want to go home and i think she may have gone home with someone else. Third night i stayed on, still being nice and calm about things, i was back and forth to festival as had got a dog with my girlfriend a week before so had to look after it. When i met up with her, there was a guy hanging out with her and hung out with her all night even trying to sneek off at some stages. I was watching the whole thing we were all getting drunk enough and i still didnt know what was going on, innocent me. This guy was trying to sit beside my girlfriend and i pushed in, then he went to the corner with the hump and my girlfriend just acted like everything was normal. I felt sorry for the guy and told her she could speak to him for a while as he looked down. She did, and all the time smiling and blowing kisses to me as if everything was fine. Later we left to go to a house party, i wanted to go home to check our dog. She wouldn't hold hands, said she was no good at relationships. I asked her not to sleep with the guy who was hanging around and went home. Next day can't get in contact with her. I found out where she went through a friend and guess where she ended up, yup screwing the other guy. The next day, i was so angry with her i didnt know what happened, but was sure it did. I went to her place after her avoiding me for ages, she then says she wants to break up, saying my family and friend are getting in the way. Just stupid stuff. The next day she then brings me to the park and finally tell me she has bipolar. Thats just the start of my story.
It's a harsh world you have stumbled into good sir. Please don't beat yourself up, thats the main thing it sound like you have been a perfect gentleman through the whole thing as i have tried to be also. I still love her so much and will be there for her if she needs a friend. Look after your own mental health and be there as a friend if you can. Just education is all thats needed for you, unfortunatly for her she needs alot more.
So me and my boyfriend were having sex,he was
goin pretty hard,after a while he felt a pain but
kept going he nutted in me he stayed inside for
quite a while just resting then he pulled out and
we knowes there was lots of bleeding,he ripped
hes skin i believe its called frenulum! MY
QUESTION IS CAN I GET PREGNANT FROM HIM
BLEEDING IN ME N NUTTING? ALSO WHAT CAN
HE DO TO CURE HES frenulum WHAT DO I DO TO
HEAL IT,HOW TO keep it clean help please
Ya I'll help you in one way anyway.Put this question on another place because it has absolutely nothing got to do with us people here dealing with bi polar disorder.Merry xmas and hope everything works out okay:-)
I agree with gloomonster, I also had a similar experience with a girl who I dated for 5 months. She's 26, I'm 28. She did tell me she was bipolar, but on meds and in therapy so I thought it was under control. Her erratic behavior came in spurts though, with triggers I think. Like when she lost her job, calls me from work to tell me, then calls me again on the road 200 miles away saying she needed to go on a roadtrip with some of her friends. One of which is a guy who is admittedly in love with her, but has a girlfriend with him now she says. Suspicious behavior when we never spend any time apart, and her phone doesn't get service half the time. I finally get a hold of her and tell her I don't like her behavior. I notice I only hear her and this guy on the phone for hours while I'm talking to her, and ask where is this other girl? Can I talk to her, maybe just say hi? She tells me excuse after excuse until I confront her and say I don't think there is another girl and I think you're lying to me about this trip. I tell her I packed her things from my apartment and to come get them because we're through. That night, after driving 8 hours, getting to my door crying she says how sorry she was and she told that guy to f**k off (weird right? she's still sticking to her story about the roadtrip). 3 months pass, we're moving in together in 2 weeks, picked out a ring she wanted even when I could save up enough. I drop her cellphone at an NFL game and it shatters the screen. I told her I had 6 or so beers and it fell out of my hand, I'd buy her a new phone the next day... Silence, a distance in her eyes, she asks if her cat's will be okay here for the night and she's staying at a friend's. I'm a bit confused, but say okay. After 3 weeks of her getting her stuff, refusing to see or talk to me now, I learned she just got married to that same road trip guy. After a 5 month relationship, met her family, brother, talked about marriage, the future. Said she loved me like no other. Now no contact, and she married some guy I or her family have never met. Now I'm depressed from the sheer weight of it all, and trying not to let my engineering degree work or life slip away in to depression. It helps to know the signs and when to leave before more heartache comes, I wish I would have left her back then and saved myself more hardship.
i had a relationship with a 54 year old online assistant professor for 10 months...she considered herself high functioning bipolar...took 8 medications at nite and 6 in the morning..at nite she became a zombie..the mornings she was in a daze..i would watch her moods change very quickly and in the beginning i would ask her if she was ok..she would become agitated ..so i stopped asking..out of the blue she would find reasons tp break up and would sabotage our relationship by telling her daughter 27 who is also bipolar every aspect of our relationship..her daughter hated me from afar even though i had never spoken to or met her...i took hert to a high school reunion and left her to talk with her girlfriends...40 minutes later i saw her talking to and flirting with the men at the reunion..she came to me sweating profusly and told me a guy was hitting on her ...i loved this woman but i have to say that no matter how high functioning a bipolar person is ..they are still bipolar ...i would never date anyone whos diagnosis is bipolar..especially if they suffer from attenuated psychotic syndrome as did my ex girfriend....walk away as soon as possible and let them be someones problem......
i definitely think this girl does have a mental illness i'm not quite sure if it's bi polar sounds like she's a very angry person which could stem from an abusive chidhood when we get hurt as children we automatically assume that the person we care about deserves to feel the same amount of pain. all the suicidal attempts are a cry for help she wants attention and sounds like she will go to whateva lengths neccessary to get what she wants no matter who gets hurt in the process. She sounds like a very hurt angry confused woman i think maybe someone in the past someone broke her trust and has a hard time findin' that trust in anyone so she just lashes out whoeva may be present at the time. I believe she needs therapy and maybe a medication change give her some space and let her mind clear if you love her you need to do so sometimes we all need space to find ourselves as much as it pains us to watch this i speak from experience and understand how hard this can be just keep the faith.
Unfortunately there are a lot of unfair descriptions of men and women who hurt. Bipolar like other mental illnesses cause pain like any other disease. Until the person with bipolar receives the appropriate care: pharmaceutical and medical, they will not get better or learn to manage their illness. In addition the lack of support is also a major problem for people with bipolar disorder. If someone in particular fears being in a relationship with a person with bipolar speak for your self. Do not give blanket advice to leave or dump the person with the disorder. Bipolar is a difficult illness. The support not only comes from the medical and psychological communities but also from loved ones, friends, and family.
I was put under a court order in 1987 two years after i came home to go to the court with my request for time off six months in advance and i watched as kids with just a year would get the vacations and holiday i wanted off. I would put in A shift preference and Get told some kid with six months was getting ready to take courses that i wanted to get my degree. The court would decide i was the one to stay on second shift. Christmas holiday shutdown i was to forget about other people they thought had more need as new hires got the holidays and the social elite got the preferential job choices leaving me on three machines that could no keep up with the production., The three machines i was operating in 1995 were built by the acme company in 1912 Some kid whos father was a county or city councilman would get a New Set,
Bi Polar Had me ket without rights for 31 years