hi guys and girls, i guess i will just get straight to the heart of my story. when i was in primary school i didn't seem to know what was going on around me. i felt so alone and scared. then the teasing started and i just thought that it was my fault and didn't fight back when i was called names and mocked on the playground. i was quite well behaved and just kept to myself no matter how much i was hurt. however, the name calling hurting me very deeply and left deep scars. when i entered into high school i found things a lot smoother. i started drinking at age 16 and just drank heavier and heavier to try and escape the pain i was trying to hide. when i was about 14 a boy was in the shower with me and he had anal sex with me which was very painfull physically. by 1992 i was drinking at every chance i could get and started smoking mandrax at the end of 1992. i got so addicted to it and couldn't stop. i never had any respect for myself and all i lived for was the next drug. anyway, i was fortunate to get into a good drug treatment facility in 1999 and i have been clean and sober since november 1999. now that i'm clean and sober i have been able to do nice things for myself and i have so many things that i'm interested in. i love myself and i take care of myself. i am so intrigued by different types of mining and i love photography. i am trying really hard to make friends with people online. i am still hurting a lot today but i have no desire to use drugs or booze at all. i have to deal with what is going on inside me because that is where all the problems started originally. i have had a bit of therapy for the abuse i went through in the past with a good psychologist a few years ago. i lost out on so much friendship and love due to the way i grew up. my parents thought that giving me material things was love but they neglected to show me the affection i so badly needed. it still hurts like hell sometimes but i just take it slowly.
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