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I'm an 18 yr old female.

I consider myself to be a virgin, even though I was sexually abused as a very young child (toddler-7yrs old). Thanks to therapy, the only things I remember about the whole ordeal are bits and pieces of the therapy sessions. My hymen wasn't torn back then, but had been severly stretched, so my father still got custody rights of my brother and me. I've known about the abuse for just over a year this past December. I always knew there was a reason why I never felt safe/trusted him. It also explains why I have such a hard time trusting guys/people in general, especially those I deeply care about.

I don't have my hymen anymore, due to tampon usage and horseback riding.

What I'm worried about is that I'll have flashbacks when I do finally have an intimate relationship with a man. That the pain will come back and I end up crying/freaking my partner out.

I've only had one boyfriend, but that was just barely over 4 years ago and all we did was kiss. Last year I told him that I was molested till I was about 7. He kinda just stood there in shock. I wanted him to understand why I was the way I was way back when we were together. I think he does, now. I thought I'd feel better after telling him, but I wound up crying as I walked away. I do feel better now, but at the time, I felt worse than I did before. We haven't spoken since, though I do see him around town every now and then (it's a small community).

I've just recently started masturbating, and have no problem with getting myself to orgasm, but it's me making myself feel good, not a guy. Will everything change for me if a guy does it?

I currently do not have a boyfriend, but I am interested in a few different guys. When I do have a boyfriend, should I tell him upfront about my past or wait for our relationship to progress a bit? I'm sure I would/will enjoy sex, but I'm afraid at the same time.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

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User avatar
Health Guru
9732 posts
Hi i feel truly sorry for you having to go through that.
My advice to you would be to be up front and tell him straight away then if for any reason you do freak out he will know why and hopefully comfort you and give support.
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Do you mean at the very begining of the relationship, or when it gets to the sexual stage? Or somehow both?
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User avatar
Health Guru
9732 posts
Well if it was me i would tell him at the start because if he cant come to terms with what you have been through from the beginning then if it comes out later i think it will be harder for you to move on if he cant except it hun
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