why is my sex life with my partner not happening.

Hi sweeter77,

Maybe your man is turned off by your lack of self esteem. If your so unhappy with your body then I suggest losing some weight then your confidence will take over as you see the lbs drop off. He probably likes you the way you are, why not try turning the lights off so he cant see you unclothed. 

Hope this helps.

Hi sweeter, I've been in your shoes and it is so painful. I really feel for you. It is so hard because we have cultural beliefs that men are supposed to want sex all the time, they are thought of as sexual machines. so when they don't want sex we instantly assume it is us at fault. We aren't attractive enough, sexy enough, skinny enough etc. But there are all sorts if reasons why men don't want sex and many of them have very little to do with their partner. Stress, low libido, low testosterone levels, differing sex drives between partners, relationship problems, trauma from sexual assault, fatigue, etc. Or simply boredom. As my now ex husband bluntly put it "even if I was married to Kate moss its still the same person I've been waking up to for 20 years". You can see why he's an ex. Anyway, back to you. I don't think it is your weight because you were the same weight when you first met and had a great sex.life. of course I could be wrong but I think there is probably more to it. The only way you will know is by talking to him about it, but that may be difficult as issues around sex make us feel vulnerable and you might find him getting defensive or angry. There is a great book to help you deal with this problem called "good loving, great sex" by Rosie king. It's on amazon but its not cheap because it is an Australian book, but what price is your sex life worth? What is great about the book is that it really helps you understand what each of you are experiencing, and to communicate effectively without blame or shame. It is sensitive yet practical and gives you a framework for tackling what can be a hurtful and seemingly intractable problem. You will need to work on this together because it us a problem between the two of you. It is not about sexual tricks or body shape, although they may be part of the issue. It is more complex than that. I always blamed my husband for never wanting sex, made him feel inadequate and ashamed and that made him want it even less until we had no sex life at all. The book helped me understand the part I played in all of that and some of my behaviour wasn't pretty and just made things worse. I hope you can avoid all that hurt. I have also come to realise that it was more about him than me. It was nothing to do with sexual prowess or attractiveness. He has intimacy problems, mental health issues and a low libido and possibly low testosterone but would never get tested. So don't try to guess what is going on. Try talking to him when he is relaxed ans you are too. Let him know how you feel without anger, frustration, blame or shame. I know its diffficult because you are probably feeling terrible about thus, but ranting and raging don't help. I can yell you that from experience. That will just make him either angry or shut down. If you can both communicate about this and work on it together, perhaps with the help of the book I suggested then there is hope. My problems with my ex husband still haunt ne in my current relationship, even though our sex life is fantastic. But my confidence about initiating sex had been shattered and I just expect to be rejected every time I try so I tend to leave it to him. But I can talk about it very openly and honestly with my partner and we are working on it together, which is so amazing for me. I am learning that he rarely turns me down, that it is safe to put myself out there, and that when he does say "not tonight dear" it is usually because he is exhausted and he is usually raring to go the next morning. I just hope that you and your partner can work this out because it was the most hurtful part of a very bad relationship for me. if you can communicate openly, honestly and from a place of love then you have a good chance that things will work out. I wish you all the best. If you have any questions just ask

thank you so much for your helpful info, I will look up the suggested book and keep you posted if you like add me inbox would be better ,and thank you so much :-)

My thoughts are with you

Hi sweeter, I replied ad a guest. Once I register i'll pm you. Take care.