Being There For A Friend Or Relative With Mental Illness

Don't Take It Personally, And Don't Reason

People who have a mental illness may well behave in ways that hurt your feelings. Many people who have a mental illness are surprised, shocked and appalled about their own behavior, either while it's ongoing, or afterwards when the episode dies down or they begin taking medications (again). On occasion, support people will want to or need to withdraw, for their own safety and sanity. If you decide to be there throughout the hard times, do remember that the symptoms your relative or friend is displaying are caused by their mental illness rather than their personality. Do not take the behavior personally. Above all else, do not attempt to reason someone suffering from delusions out of them. Other people who have taken this path before you know that it leads to pain.

Expect Judgment

Some people are going to be judgmental of people with mental illness. If you are a close relative, perhaps a spouse, parent, or child of someone with a mental illness, some of that judgment may transfer to you. Employers may not be understanding if you need to take time off to care for your loved one, neighbors may make particularly hurtful comments, and some friends may distance themselves from you altogether. This isn't nice, but it can happen. It's yet another reason why building your own support network is so tremendously important.

Seek Time Away

As a support person, you may — will? — feel trapped at times. You are going to be emotionally affected by your loved one's symptoms and the act of caring for them. Though taking time away may induce guilt, remember that you are not going to be able to act as an effective support person if you are burned out, anxious, or depressed as a result of pouring all your energy into being there for your loved one. Therefore, take time out. Allow yourself to do the things that make you feel happy and sane. Allow yourself to work out, engage in hobbies, spend time away from your loved one, and recuperate. When you come back, you will have renewed energy and will be able to do more for your loved one. 

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Living With Mental Illness Together

Having a mental illness is never going to be easy, and the same goes for supporting someone else who has one. One of the things that's so hard about having a mental illness is that people tend to see you as less-than-competent. While a mental illness can indeed mess with a person's ability to make good decisions, this isn't always the case by any stretch of the imagination. If your loved one isn't currently in a state of mind that interferes with their judgment, don't treat them as an object of care, but as a person. When we talked about the importance of a support system, we left out one important source of support: the person with mental illness themselves. This especially holds true if your loved one with mental illness is, in fact, your spouse. Talk about your feelings together, and find support in each other.