I love this.....and it is SO incredibly true that it's sad.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to Write a College Paper
--Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
--Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
--Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
--Stop off at the third floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced,and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders,drop him.
--When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
--Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
--You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it our of the way so you can concentrate.
--Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
--Listen to one side of your favorite CD and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
--Listen to the other side.
--Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
--Phone your friend on the third floor and ask if he's started writing yet. --Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, the world at large.
--Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
--Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
--Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowler's Tour b) any movie starring Don Ameche.
--Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
--Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
--Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
--Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
--Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
--Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
--Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
--Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it.
--Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
--Lie face down on the floor and moan.
witness?
I'm out of college, but that was true for me.
Obviously some things have changed. Back when I was in college (beside walking ten miles to class and back. Uphill both ways), you would also have "Focus on classic English dialogue by watching three straight hours of Monty Python's Flying Circus every Sunday night."
y'know i thought i was ahead in class... and then i guess i wasn't anymore..
it's going to be a rough weekend getting caught up and ahead again.
it's going to be a rough weekend getting caught up and ahead again.
:LOL: That's hilarious! The first 2 weeks have been pretty relaxed for me- so far I'm in speed with my classes. But sooner or later, things are definitely going to pile up fast.... :|
so i have already reached the point of being behind. im skipping my volunteer thing tonite in an attempt to play catch up...but ive been behind way worse so im not stressing too much yet.
the paper thing is so true... for my advisiors class, we get to write short(2-3 pgs) papers for bonus points. they are usually simple topics and as long as you put something related to the topic, you get credit. yet i still find myself unable to write anything and wind up doing pretty close to what was said above...
the paper thing is so true... for my advisiors class, we get to write short(2-3 pgs) papers for bonus points. they are usually simple topics and as long as you put something related to the topic, you get credit. yet i still find myself unable to write anything and wind up doing pretty close to what was said above...
For me it would have been:
-hang out in the hallway to b.s.
-watch the David Letterman show when it was on very late
-play dorm golf
-do Tide slides
-penny in your neighbors
-try to stay away from the kegs in the elevator going up
-and get delayed by another fire alarm going off
-hang out in the hallway to b.s.
-watch the David Letterman show when it was on very late
-play dorm golf
-do Tide slides
-penny in your neighbors
-try to stay away from the kegs in the elevator going up
-and get delayed by another fire alarm going off
You guys actually wrote papers in college???? Makes me thankful for that Kentucky education. :D
Of course, now that I'm begining this thesis, this will be more true than ever. I'll gain 50 lbs. trying to avoid working on it.
Of course, now that I'm begining this thesis, this will be more true than ever. I'll gain 50 lbs. trying to avoid working on it.
Definition: TIDE SLIDE v.; college student scoops out Tide Detergent and pours it onto tile floor; pour trashcan of water onto the detergent; see stupid student take a running dive into the soap and water; then slide; WEEEEEEEE!
Definition: PENNY IN ROOM v.; college student takes handful of pennies; slips pennies into the cracks another person's door; then leaves while the other person cannot get out of their room without assistance.
Been there and done that!! Woo hoo!
I have got to try that Penny thing. I don't know about the Tide Slide though. I'd probably get in trouble for doing that one.
I have got to try that Penny thing. I don't know about the Tide Slide though. I'd probably get in trouble for doing that one. If you penny someone in...you have to put the pennies (just a few) around the perimeter of the door. Plus, stay around to let them out.
What, and take the fun out of it?
You have any of the following in college - snowstorms, leaners, or swirlies?
You have any of the following in college - snowstorms, leaners, or swirlies?
What, and take the fun out of it?
You have any of the following in college - snowstorms, leaners, or swirlies?
Swirlies yes...perhaps the snowstorms and leaners. You'll have to explain them to me. They might have been called differently.
Know about Mexicans, Chandeliers, Turbo, Bob Newhart or Quarters?
You have any of the following in college - snowstorms, leaners, or swirlies?
Swirlies yes...perhaps the snowstorms and leaners. You'll have to explain them to me. They might have been called differently.
Know about Mexicans, Chandeliers, Turbo, Bob Newhart or Quarters?
Swirlies yes...perhaps the snowstorms and leaners. You'll have to explain them to me. They might have been called differently.
Know about Mexicans, Chandeliers, Turbo, Bob Newhart or Quarters?
Never heard of any of those. Please elucidate.
Recipe for leaner: Ingredients - water, one wastebasket at least thee feet high.
- Fill watebasket at least 3/4 of water.
- Carefully lean up against door of someone you have a score to settle with.
- Knock on door.
- Run like hell.
Recipe for snow storm: Ingredients, Large manila envelope - the larger the better, and shaving cream.
- Seal envelope and cut open at one of the sides.
- Fill with as much shaving cream as possible.
- Slide open end so it is under door.
- Jump on envelope. Getting heavy books and dropping them on envelope is also acceptable.
- Run like hell.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
The Sandwich.
- Take a spare mattress and throw it on top of someone sleeping (please be sure they can breathe).
- Wrap duct tape around the mattress.
- Take resulting product out to a pick-up truck. Drive to a local shopping mall, and drop off in the parking lot.
The Eagle. This one only works under very specific conditions!
- Take an obnoxious or drunk person (should always be a guy). Strip butt naked.
- Take him to elevator with hand rails on inside. Tie him spread-eagle to railings.
- Push button straight down to lobby. Hitting every button down is also acceptable.
Know about Mexicans, Chandeliers, Turbo, Bob Newhart or Quarters?
Never heard of any of those. Please elucidate.
Recipe for leaner: Ingredients - water, one wastebasket at least thee feet high.
- Fill watebasket at least 3/4 of water.
- Carefully lean up against door of someone you have a score to settle with.
- Knock on door.
- Run like hell.
Recipe for snow storm: Ingredients, Large manila envelope - the larger the better, and shaving cream.
- Seal envelope and cut open at one of the sides.
- Fill with as much shaving cream as possible.
- Slide open end so it is under door.
- Jump on envelope. Getting heavy books and dropping them on envelope is also acceptable.
- Run like hell.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
The Sandwich.
- Take a spare mattress and throw it on top of someone sleeping (please be sure they can breathe).
- Wrap duct tape around the mattress.
- Take resulting product out to a pick-up truck. Drive to a local shopping mall, and drop off in the parking lot.
The Eagle. This one only works under very specific conditions!
- Take an obnoxious or drunk person (should always be a guy). Strip butt naked.
- Take him to elevator with hand rails on inside. Tie him spread-eagle to railings.
- Push button straight down to lobby. Hitting every button down is also acceptable.
Never heard of any of those. Please elucidate.
Recipe for leaner: Ingredients - water, one wastebasket at least thee feet high.
- Fill watebasket at least 3/4 of water.
- Carefully lean up against door of someone you have a score to settle with.
- Knock on door.
- Run like hell.
Recipe for snow storm: Ingredients, Large manila envelope - the larger the better, and shaving cream.
- Seal envelope and cut open at one of the sides.
- Fill with as much shaving cream as possible.
- Slide open end so it is under door.
- Jump on envelope. Getting heavy books and dropping them on envelope is also acceptable.
- Run like hell.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
The Sandwich.
- Take a spare mattress and throw it on top of someone sleeping (please be sure they can breathe).
- Wrap duct tape around the mattress.
- Take resulting product out to a pick-up truck. Drive to a local shopping mall, and drop off in the parking lot.
The Eagle. This one only works under very specific conditions!
- Take an obnoxious or drunk person (should always be a guy). Strip butt naked.
- Take him to elevator with hand rails on inside. Tie him spread-eagle to railings.
- Push button straight down to lobby. Hitting every button down is also acceptable.
You. are. evil.
....I knew you'd fit in well here.....
Recipe for leaner: Ingredients - water, one wastebasket at least thee feet high.
- Fill watebasket at least 3/4 of water.
- Carefully lean up against door of someone you have a score to settle with.
- Knock on door.
- Run like hell.
Recipe for snow storm: Ingredients, Large manila envelope - the larger the better, and shaving cream.
- Seal envelope and cut open at one of the sides.
- Fill with as much shaving cream as possible.
- Slide open end so it is under door.
- Jump on envelope. Getting heavy books and dropping them on envelope is also acceptable.
- Run like hell.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
The Sandwich.
- Take a spare mattress and throw it on top of someone sleeping (please be sure they can breathe).
- Wrap duct tape around the mattress.
- Take resulting product out to a pick-up truck. Drive to a local shopping mall, and drop off in the parking lot.
The Eagle. This one only works under very specific conditions!
- Take an obnoxious or drunk person (should always be a guy). Strip butt naked.
- Take him to elevator with hand rails on inside. Tie him spread-eagle to railings.
- Push button straight down to lobby. Hitting every button down is also acceptable.
You. are. evil.
....I knew you'd fit in well here.....