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I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 18 months now, we live together and i love him so much and he knows it. He uses it to his advantage i spose you could say because he can do or say anything and he knows i will forgive him in the end... he hasnt cheated on me ... because he knows i will chop it off  but .. he will get angry and very verbally abusive... be all up in my face screaming im this and im that like " your a s*** and f*****g annoying you shovanistic pig !" and he throws things around the house and broken alot of stuff ... and he has raised his hand to me but hasnt hit me ... YET.... just becasue he kept dying on a playstation game or because he stubbed his toe or because the soap kept slipping out of his hand in the shower ... ... he always says sorry after i have cried my eyes out ... then he has the whole speech that he doesnt deserve me and that he is so sorry and he wont do it again ... and i say i forgive you and it ok baby i love you etc.... but i am finding myself flinching and making sure nothing bad can happen just to avoid these dummy spits ... so to speak .... am i being abused ... i dont know what to do .. every time i try to talk to him about it .. somehow its my fault that he is the way he is .. or im the reason he gets so pissed off ...  ... im scared that it will escalate.. please someone help me .. what should i do :( ??

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Hi CBear,

You are not the reason he gets so pissed off, he is. 

You are being abused and yes, it can escalate.  What would happen if there were children involved?

He needs anger management therapy and you need to leave.  You aren't going to help him by staying around.  He can only change when he wants to.  Every time you forgive him you are "rewarding" his aggressive behavior, reinforcing it.  It sounds like he has the speech down cold.

Once he's completed therapy then consider getting back together, not before.  He is dangerous.

Good luck.  Hope it helps.

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Thank you ... i have mentioned stuff like im sick of this and cant put up with it anymore .. he then gets upset and angry and says well f**k off then ... see if i care, this is me and im not guna change for u no matter how good you are... etc... he makes me feel bad all the time ... makes me feel as though its my fault and when i try and talk to him about it ... he will just get even more pissed off ... he was diagnosed with bi-polar and A.D.H.D as a child but isnt on medication and doesnt even believe in it... im scared to leave him 1 because he will hurt me ..and i have no where else to go if i get kicked out :( and i really do love him... when he is happy he is great, funny and gentle and loving but things just change in the matter of seconds ... i dunno :(
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Bear,

As hard as it is you need to leave, now. Find a friend or somewhere else to stay.

Of course you feel bad when he does these things because you care about him and he plays you. Unfortunately you need to remember that YOU are more important to your well-being than he is.

I'm sorry to say but you ARE NOT helping him or yourself by staying.

Don't settle for this. Move on.

Good luck.
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Thank you ... you really have helped ... i will try
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Bear,

You can do it.

Look at it like this, a metaphor:

You're in an airplane listening to the emergency instructions. One thing they always tell you, if you are helping a child or someone else with the oxygen mask to PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST. This way you will still be able to help the others and not become unconscious.

You have to take care of yourself first and then you can help him. It doesn't work the other way. Love can stop abuse either. All the apologies in the world can't take the emotional pain away. Living in fear of him hurting you one day (or possibly your child) is not living. It is suffering.

Move.
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That makes sense but much easier said than done ....

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I know it's easier said than done. I've had to watch someone I love hurt themselves too.

What if you stay? What happens when you have a family? If you think it's hard now....
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Yea i understand exactly what your saying and i worry about this all the time.

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C bear, I know this is really hard but you need to leave. I have been there and it only gets worse. You are not safe. He is a abusive. It's not your fault. You will need help to keep you safe. Talk to someone you can trust and get in touch with a domestic violence service in your area. If he is not taking his meds for bipolar and ADHD then things aren't going to improve. You deserve better than this. Seek help to leave safely. Then get counselling. Domestic violence takes a huge toll on your mental health and can cause ptsd, depression and anxiety disorders. It is really hard but you can do it. I know from experience. And things can be good for you. But not with him. I now have the most beautiful, respectful, loving partner. That is what you deserve. You shouldn't have to live in fear and you don't have to accept abuse. Recognizing abuse is the first step. You've been insightful. The next step is seeking help and making a plan to leave. Wishing yoy all the best.
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Thank you :) you have helped a lot ... I know I shouldn't stay and that it isn't good for me.... but he really does love me, he has too :'( I know it sounds weird, I do love him and he loves me .. and sometimes I do think about leaving but I have no where to go .. the only people I know are his friends.... and I don't have any parents.... im just scared I spose :(
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