i can't imagine how i would feel if i'd done this on purpose
i missed my period last month. mentioned it to my boyfriend and he said there are any number of reasons why it could be late and that i shouldnt freak out, but it turned out that i was counting wrong and it turned out to be MUCH later than i originally thought.
in the middle of all of this, i was freaking out thinking that if i WAS pregnant, that he'd flip out at me and we'd have to get rid of it. plus, i talked to a friend of mine who was pregnant who said that some of the things i was experiencing COULD be related to it, but you never know for sure until you take a test
anyway, i guess one good thing that came from this is that i know how he really WOULD react if i was pregnant and it isnt anything like i thought, he wants kids and would want to keep it and wouldn't bail out on me which is really nice to know
and is part of the reason why this sucks so much
because i know that he would've wanted it and wouldn't have run out on us or anything
but he took me to take a test and then we could go from there and figure out what to do
i took the test (this was WELL after i'd already missed my last period, i was atleast 2 weeks late) and it came back VERY CLEARLY NEGATIVE.
it was CLEARLY negative
and when i got out i told him and he gave me a hug and took me home and was telling me all of the plans he'd made just in case it had come back positive, which i thought was the most awesome thing
anyway, i kept waiting and waiting and my period still didn't show up, all the way into this month. and looking back on it, i should've taken another test
but in the middle of my freaking out, i'd spent time looking up various options from abortion (even though i really don't believe in it) to adoption if i was pregnant and he HAD've flipped out at me
and i'd gone to all these hippy sites and found all these herbal means of bringing your period back if pregnancy was or wasn't the reason for delay
and i was starting to get worried about my period being so late when i had a negative test result, and i have really AWFUL tight, painful, pulling feelings with my periods (i think i might have endo or fibroids) and i wanted it to get it over with because it had been lingering on since september
so i tried a method to bring my period along, thinking it would be okay since that test had come back NEGATIVE. it came back on oct. 8th, but on the 9th, a strange bit of tissue came out, it wasn't a clot, i'm VERY familiar with clots, it looked like a red piece of skin or something, and then yesterday, more bits of that red stuff and some bright yellow stuff came along too
i was freaking out on the 9th because part of the hippy site that i read during my frantic searching for alternatives was about using the herbs to cause a miscarriage and how to tell if you'd done it
and i remember reading about seeing bits of the start of a placenta and chorionic villi, which is bright yellow and branch-like
and i've been really really SAD ever since. because both of us wanted to keep it if the test had've been positive, and i was wondering today what s/he would've been like
and i wish that i'd just gotten another test and that i hadn't been so impatient, if i'd just waited i would've known what was going on
but he's so lovely and supportive about everything, i told him when i found the weird red tissue and when i found the yellow stuff, and i was laying on his bed crying and he just stayed with me and made me feel better. he said he was sad, too, but there might've been something wrong with it in the beginning for it to come back negative for one thing and then when i did start my period finally, the blood was really dark and gross-looking, not what you'd think if something healthy was growing in there
i'm not sure how to feel, and sorry this is so long
it's not like i'm 15 years old or something, i'm 24 and i should be old enough to deal with this, i'm just confused and i feel terrible
anyway, thanks to anyone who reads it.
i missed my period last month. mentioned it to my boyfriend and he said there are any number of reasons why it could be late and that i shouldnt freak out, but it turned out that i was counting wrong and it turned out to be MUCH later than i originally thought.
in the middle of all of this, i was freaking out thinking that if i WAS pregnant, that he'd flip out at me and we'd have to get rid of it. plus, i talked to a friend of mine who was pregnant who said that some of the things i was experiencing COULD be related to it, but you never know for sure until you take a test
anyway, i guess one good thing that came from this is that i know how he really WOULD react if i was pregnant and it isnt anything like i thought, he wants kids and would want to keep it and wouldn't bail out on me which is really nice to know
and is part of the reason why this sucks so much
because i know that he would've wanted it and wouldn't have run out on us or anything
but he took me to take a test and then we could go from there and figure out what to do
i took the test (this was WELL after i'd already missed my last period, i was atleast 2 weeks late) and it came back VERY CLEARLY NEGATIVE.
it was CLEARLY negative
and when i got out i told him and he gave me a hug and took me home and was telling me all of the plans he'd made just in case it had come back positive, which i thought was the most awesome thing
anyway, i kept waiting and waiting and my period still didn't show up, all the way into this month. and looking back on it, i should've taken another test
but in the middle of my freaking out, i'd spent time looking up various options from abortion (even though i really don't believe in it) to adoption if i was pregnant and he HAD've flipped out at me
and i'd gone to all these hippy sites and found all these herbal means of bringing your period back if pregnancy was or wasn't the reason for delay
and i was starting to get worried about my period being so late when i had a negative test result, and i have really AWFUL tight, painful, pulling feelings with my periods (i think i might have endo or fibroids) and i wanted it to get it over with because it had been lingering on since september
so i tried a method to bring my period along, thinking it would be okay since that test had come back NEGATIVE. it came back on oct. 8th, but on the 9th, a strange bit of tissue came out, it wasn't a clot, i'm VERY familiar with clots, it looked like a red piece of skin or something, and then yesterday, more bits of that red stuff and some bright yellow stuff came along too
i was freaking out on the 9th because part of the hippy site that i read during my frantic searching for alternatives was about using the herbs to cause a miscarriage and how to tell if you'd done it
and i remember reading about seeing bits of the start of a placenta and chorionic villi, which is bright yellow and branch-like
and i've been really really SAD ever since. because both of us wanted to keep it if the test had've been positive, and i was wondering today what s/he would've been like
and i wish that i'd just gotten another test and that i hadn't been so impatient, if i'd just waited i would've known what was going on
but he's so lovely and supportive about everything, i told him when i found the weird red tissue and when i found the yellow stuff, and i was laying on his bed crying and he just stayed with me and made me feel better. he said he was sad, too, but there might've been something wrong with it in the beginning for it to come back negative for one thing and then when i did start my period finally, the blood was really dark and gross-looking, not what you'd think if something healthy was growing in there
i'm not sure how to feel, and sorry this is so long
it's not like i'm 15 years old or something, i'm 24 and i should be old enough to deal with this, i'm just confused and i feel terrible
anyway, thanks to anyone who reads it.