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Really don't know who to talk to about this as hardly any of my friends know I had an abortion, a mixture of guilt and being catholic is probably the readon. Although its now been 10 months since I had the abortion and I feel I am coping a lot better however I still get upset at times but I know that my boyfriend and I were not in the right place financially and mature enough to support a child, he agreed with this and when I had the abortion I found it really difficult espcially the 6 months afterwards however my boyfriend stayed strong but didnt like talking about it to me, I think he was staying strong for me because I was such a mess afterwards.

Now the baby would have been born in Decemeber and at that time my boyfriend got slightly upset being surrounded by our families at christmas and then our friends who are older than us, live together and have jobs had a newborn in February and in the past few months he dosn't want to have sex anymore since November and even more so since January. This had decreased after the abortion and both of us didnt want to but we hardly have sex anymore and the other day I tried to talk about it and he said that it was because of the abortion. On the rare occasion we do have sex I feel he is only trying to please me to stop me worrying about our relationship but I'm worried more about him. I don't know what to do I love him to pieces and we talk about marriage and kids one day but I feel unloved and unwanted and the guilt is becoming worse now that I know how he is feeling even though it was a joint decision.

I am worried I am losing him and that he dosnt love me anymore even though he says he does. I would like to be able to help him get through this but he isnt very good at opening up and talking about his worries or problems, is there any way I can help him and in doing so help our relationship?


You have been through one of the most traumatic experiences in life.

It is understandable why both you and the bf would be upset at memories and seeing other babies or couples. However, it will do you no good to remember the possible birth date. Although difficult, you must try to put this behind you. It sounds like you have made a start.

It is wise of you two to recognise that you were not able to afford either a marriage or a child. That shows some maturity.

One thing you must recognise is that your bf may never get over this. Though you both share plans for the future, the future any not include both of you. On the otherhand, it may take continued patience with your bf to let him know that you still love him and will be there for his thoughts and feelings.

You may want to back off on the sex, until and unless he feels more comfortable with it. It may not happen right away, but if he is worth it, stick with him.

Good luck.


I understand were your coming from. I had an abortion 5 years ago when my husband and I were first dating. It gets easier but never goes away. i think about it almost everyday. Your boyfriend needs to suck it up and be a man and move on to better your relationship. It should NEVER have to be harder for the man than the woman getting / has gotten an abortion. I strongly consider therapy for the both of you. I wish i had seen someone to help me deal with it. but good luck