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Hello

I have recently found out that I am pregnant however, I don't know how I feel about this!! I didn't plan to get pregnant, in fact, I was on the pill however, I had been prescribed some anti-depressants off the doctor which apparently, can affect how well the pill works (although I was never told this!!).

I have been with my partner for six months however, the relationship got off to a difficult start for us and we have only really been getting on for approximately two months. I felt like we were becoming really close in this time and believed he was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time however, since discovering the news that I was expecting, he had changed!!

It isn't just the relationship failing with him that worries me. It is also the fact that I live at home (there are already 6 people living in a three bedroomed house), I am only in temporary employment, my partner has just been made redundant and I am scared to death at the prospect of possibly having to bring up a child on my own!!

My partner has told me to get rid of the baby as 'this is the best thing for us at the moment' however, it doesn't sit that comfortably with me. Although it isn't a formed baby yet, it is living and it is inside me however, I feel like he is pressurising me. So much so that I have got an appointment with an abortion clinic tomorrow to speak to a consultant.

On the other hand, so what if I haven't got a permanant job or if I live at home with my parents and brothers...this isn't anything that can't be changed; I have nine months to sort these things...right??

I just don't know what to do for the best and I don't want me and my partner to end up resenting each other however, I honestly feel that if things continue as they have been this past week, then I can't see the relationsip lasting anyway.

I just feel so alone!!

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First off, please know that everything is going to be okay. Only YOU can make the decision on what is best for ALL involved. Please don't allow your boyfriend to make a life-changing, life long decision when it comes to YOUR body and YOUR baby. So many people choose abortion as a problem solving answer, but having friends who have been down this road before, please trust me when I say it is not the "easy" choice. I have 2 friends, who are now in their 30's, that had abortions when they were 17 that neither one can get pregnant now when they want to start a family. The emotionally scars left from their expierences have stayed with them throughout their life.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I was 19 when I had my first child. I was married, but still very-very young & not ready to start that path in my life. However, having my daughter was THE BEST thing that ever happened to me. Yes, it made me grow up a lot faster and it causes you to reach maturity in the sense that life is no longer about "YOU".. it's about this precious little life that depends on you meeting their every need.

Having an abortion shouldn't be a reason to "keep your boyfriend" because he's not ready to be a dad. You know what? Here's the kicker, and forgive me for just saying it like it is. If you guys have only been together for 6mo., and it got off to a rocky start anyways.. who is to say that a year down the road that you two will be together anyways? Does he have YOUR best interest at heart right now.. thinking about BOTH of you and not just himself? OR.. is he telling you to get an abortion to make his OWN life easier? Just some things to think about.

Only YOU can make the decision if you are ready to become a mom. And if you're not, have you considered adoption? Abortion you are KILLING a life, and with adoption you are at least GIVING a life.. a precious gift to your unborn child, as well as a loving couple that would love to give your baby a family.
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You need to do some deep soul-searching on what YOU feel is best here. Not your boyfriend, not your parents, not your friends... BUT YOU. Only YOU know internally the best decision. And here's the best advice I can offer to you: When you don't think you have the strength or ability to parent a child, you will be amazed at just how equipped you are. AND.. your future is in YOUR hands. If you have temporary employment right now, maybe this is the incentive you need to get your life in order.. to secure a good, full-time job... which would then enable you to find an apartment so your living situation changes. Don't think of being pregnant as your life stopping. It's easy to make selfish choices when it comes to an unwanted pregnancy. Sometimes we're not ready for what life throws at us.. but you just stand there - grow in the process - reach within yourself in a way that you never have before, and find the strength to endure. Life is about choices... it's about growing as people.. and it's learning to think of others before ourselves. If your boyfriend is trying to talk you into doing "his" easy way out of abortion, you may want to reconsider a life with him anyways.

Best of luck to you. There are a lot of pregnancy hotlines out there should you need help. There are teen pregnancy shelters available that will help meet your needs, and there are adoption agency's that you can turn to for help, support, and are there to help you in whatever decisoin you make.

I wasn't ready to be a mom at 19, but my daughter (who is now 17) is my best friend & we grew up together. We are so close, and I could not imagine my life without her. I hope you come back and read this post, I really do. Abortion is a "quick fix" for the moment, but it's something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Whatever you choose, I wish you all the best. Life is what you make of it, baby & all. :-)
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I completely understand were you are coming from... Honestly I think if you feel so alone and depressed. This is what god wants for you. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason and even if you were not meant to be with your bf. You were meant to have that child :-) a baby is the greatest blessing ever :-) I've had an abortion when I was 17... I'm 22 now and this will be my first baby... I regret that abortion every day :-( I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my son and I will always wonder if he would have had a big sister or brother to play with :-( girl it's soo hard to deal with it after I would adopt if you really don't want it..good luck
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Hi there my fiance and I are not able to have any children. He has no children and no siblings. He was the only child and has no one to carry his family name on. If your interested in giving the baby up instead of an abortion. please contact us. We would love to talk and see .. Thanks

Theresa and Brian
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I can relate! It is a very scary thing. I have had an abortion, I was 23. My son at the time was 3, almost 4. I was at the point in my life that I didn't want another child, and neither did my boyfriend of two years. It is totally YOUR CHOICE! You two haven't been together that long to really look at the big picture together. Yes I have a son, but it's not my boyfriend's, so in reality I am a single mom. I will admit that I do think about the abortion and what the kids would be like. I was pregnant with twins! At this point in time they would be around 9 months old. Now, my boyfriend is fixed and there is no way possible for us to have any more. Just like any thing else in your life, you will always think back and say "what if" or "how would it be". But like everything in your life you have the yes or no choice. Just remember it is your choice and you will have to live with what ever you decide. Take one day at a time and look at the BIG PICTURE! and remember to live life without regrets!! Regrets will only bring you down and make you depressed!!!
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Hi all

Thank you for your kind words...unfortunately, this decision was taken out of my hands and I had a miscarriage a week last Thursday and just about the same time I was coming around to the idea of being pregnant, I ended up in A&E and they confirmed that my hormone levels were dropping and that I was losing the baby.

The relationship with my partner has just gone from bad to worse because I feel like I should just get on with life as normal now and not be down or upset about it because he didn't really want to have the baby with me anyway!!

Theresa and Brian - when I read your response, I felt like an absolute b*tch...what gives me the right to be so selfish and indecisive about carrying a baby and bringing them in to the world whether it was on my own or with the help of my partner when so many couples, like yourselves, go through the heartache of not being able to have children. I am sorry! I wish you both all the luck with becoming parents.

To everyone else, thank you and all the best!
xxxxx
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