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Hi, I need some advice although i know already what i should and need to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We were previously friends before and i knew his ex. We never thought we would get together as never thught of us like that. Anyway he split with his girlfriend and couple months later we went out and ended up kissing. From then on we saw each other more often and were secretly meeting as he still lived with his ex. He didn't want to hurt her by her knowing about us. This went on for a couple months then he moved out into his own property and i was at his house every night and have been ever since. I am 23 and he is 31. We have had our ups and downs and have split twice before. I live with my parents although basically live with him i go to my parents after work get ready then go to his every night.

Last christmas he told me he needed to get away as his buisness folded and was going to spend 6 weeks visiting his friend in Australia. This caused tension and i was upset he was going away for 6 weeks and upset he didn't offer me to go. Anyway a week before he jetted off he split up with me, told me he didn't love me but was fond of me and basically that he didn't have enough time to get over his ex. I was devastated. We spoke nearly everyday when he was away and sorted some issues out we ended up getting back together once he returned to the uk. He set up another business and things were ok but sometimes he would snap at me for no reason and talk to me with no respect, also embarrass me infront of friends and family by being rude and stroppy. We went to his cousins wedding in August. We had a lovely day. He says he does not understand marriage or children but i think deep down he would like a family of his own one day as he says to people he would like to be financially safe to support a family etc. In the evening of the wedding he decided he did not want to be there anymore and to go back to the Hotel. so we did and he again said things were not right that he should be able to say he loves me but he can't and we split again. After a horrible week and talking to each other we got back together again. When we were talking i said after this christmas if things are ok we should look at finding somewhere to live again he said ok.

I thought things had been going ok apart from a couple small arguments that he caused as he was stressed with work and takes it out on me by getting angry about nothing then we do not talk. this morning i get a text from him on the way to work saying things don't seem to be the same with us anymore and that he feels things are being bottled up again. I called him and he said we need to sort things out. something is not right in the relationship and that he still is not ready for us to live together although he said he should be after all we have been together two years. He wants to move from where he is by spring 2010. I'm guessing i'm nt part of that.

He has had many problems to face with the business going down which i understand and have stood by him 100%. He has a life coach who he regularly sees and has done for 10 years. He has not seen his brother for 12 years because of family issues and sometimes says he needs to be on his own to sort his head out. This happens alot and it seems from his text today that it is happening again.

I don't know what to. I know i can do better and do not deserve to be treated like this and should walk away but i can't. It seems he is really messed up and i do not know how to go about the TALK tonight. He says he wants it to work but he always says that then says but maybe it's just not meant to be then splits up with me then realises what he is missing and we get back together.

PLEASE HELP.
From emotionally

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I know you know what I'm going to tell you, but I'm sure you want to hear it - sort of!

This guy has a life coach for 10 years and STILL can't get his life sorted out?????!!!!! I think he should ask for his money back for crying out loud! He cheated on his ex with you - no ifs or buts about it! And now he comes and goes as he pleases with you and does NOT respect you in the slightest!

As I tell EVERYONE that asks the same question, once you allow someone to use demeaning words or actions against you, and don't walk away, they loose respect for you and always know that no matter how crappy they treat you, you don't have the emotional, physical, mental strength to leave them and they become worse! Be it verbally, emotionally, physically etc.! He knows that he can do whatever his immature self wants to, and all it takes is a text or a phone call and you will allow him back! He has NO intention of creating a life with you honey! He has shown himself to be selfish and spoiled! It's all about what he wants, not what you BOTH need!

You don't NEED this guy honey, and he has proven time and time again he doesn't need or even want you!! That is the cold hard facts, and for you to ask questions about your relationship on line, shows to me that there is NO WAY humanly possible you can love someone that treats you like a motel!!! He drops in when he wants, and checks out ALL the time! You deserve more! So tell him to hit the road, and don't answer his calls anymore or phone him! He doesn't even have the decency to say it to your face! What a RAT!!! Look in the mirror and say "I deserve more than this!" And put on your best face and move on! This will NEVER EVER EVER change! And I will tell you why! Because it HASN"T!! Does that make sense!? He will always make you feel like you are NOT in his "life plan!" So let him be with his "life coach" - what the hell is that anyway?!!!!! >;) And save your resources - physical, emotional, financial, mental - for someone that WILL appreciate you and move the relationship forward NATURALLY! I'm not a big advocate for marriage - even though I've been married for over 20 years! BUT I know most people are! What I am an advocate for is being treated like a valued and loved HUMAN BEING! Not an IT not a "Friend With Benefits" but as a feeling human being! And he has definitely proven to you that he does not see you as that, actually I doubt he sees anyone as that - thus the relationship with his brother and needing a bloody "professional guide" to tell him how to be IN life!!!!! So kick him to the curb and it HAS to be YOU that ends this once and for all. Or I will promise you he will keep coming back, and you will keep letting him, because your "Essence" has already been tainted!!!

Let me know how things go! And tommorrow night go out on the town with your own age group and have a good time WITHOUT ANY contact with him at all! Not even if you are drunker than a skunk! MOVE ON! Good lukc honey, and remember you ARE worth WAY MORE!
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Hi Emotionally,
Whew, sounds like quite the roller coaster ride for you. I pray that you are doing well.
Well, I wanted to point out some things, just to open. You know, if he was living with his girlfriend and seeing you on the side, you really need to consider that he will probably do this to you as well. It seems as though he is just flip flopping from one thing to another.
Please understand that these are observations coming from an outsider. I am almost 40 though, and have seen quite a few things with some past friends.
Let him go. Dont keep falling for the "space" issue. It is QUITE likely that he will do the same thing to you that he did while he was living with his girlfriend. When you truly love someone, you tell them the truth, (with kindness of course) hearts do heal, and better things are on the horizon.


Blessings,
Hizgrace
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