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Please can someone help me?

My boyfriend had just started a new career and is meeting new people which is great. But I am insanely jealous about the women he is mixing with. He is the most loving devoted boyfriend I could wish for. I have spoken to him about the way I feel and he was upset, telling me that he would never hurt me in a million years, that I'm the reason he is doing all this, that he has moved to this new place with me and for me and he would never run off with someone else. I totally believe him. We have been together for 3 years and we're stupidly affectionate.

But for some reason I am feeling insanely sick. I have lost nearly half a stone in the last week with grief. I just don't know what to do. I imagine situations such as him falling for someone else. He is going to be car sharing with two of the girls on his course and because I know one of them is attractive (I haven't seen the other one) and the type he would go for, I am convincing myself that they are going to strike up a relationships.

I am starting a new path myself in a couple of weeks and I need to be preparing for it but intead I am obsessed with thoughts of him doing things behind my back or falling for someone else or whatever. I used to be so strong. I have coped with so much in my life. But suddenly I am an absolute wreck. I don't want to drive him insane. I need to deal with my issues alone because he has told me sincerely that he will never hurt me and I shouldn't expect him to keep having to tell me that. Last week he came out with 'God I love you so much. I've never felt insecure in our relationship because I know what we're like together and you would never ever hurt me'. Why the hell can't I feel this way too?

Can anyone help? Advise me?

I'm desperate.

xShellx

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being jealous is a percieved advantage that you in your own mind thinks that someone has over you. Most of the time it's fake and the more you meditate and think on it the more real it will become. You have to put trust in your relationship and trust that your man really loves you and is not trying to leave you. Don't let those jealous thoughts push him away from you.

My husband works with pretty girls and we talk about it all the time, one thing he does is anytime anyone gives him a compliment or trys to flirt he immediately begin to talk about me ALOT. so much that everyone at his job knows me by name and face. he also tells me when ppl try to flirt or what they say.

I really trust him. he made a commitment to me, so we can talk about that stuff and it doesn't bother me. If your man tells you about his conversation and is really open, you're gonna have to pull yourself together and process that information correctly. If you start spasing out on him, he'll stop telling you stuff..keep your cool, be confident and trust your man.
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Thanks Happyfeet. That helps me. I know that I am letting things escalate and this is very much to do with the fact that I am currently not working (as I am going back to uni to do teacher training in September). I really don't want to put my other half ill-at-ease - he doesn't deserve it. I have bought a couple of books to build some self esteem.

I can't really ask my fella to start saying nice things about me when someone tries to flirt with him. Even though that is what I do when men flirt with me - I can't bring myself to ask him to do that for me. I guess there isn't much point if I have to ask him to do it anyway.

He has told me that he would never get himself into a situation where something could happen with another woman and I simply have to believe it.

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm going to pop and see my mum for some TLC :-) xx
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I'm glad to help...just remember, he'll do whatever it takes to secure his relationship on his own. My husband does what he does because that works for him...he clued me in on his strategy, I didn't ask him too. Also, I'm sure he talks about you to those ladies anyway...just relax, I think it's a good idea to visit your mum...sometimes we just need a little TLC to brings things back to normal.

when you start getting those jealous thoughts, say the opposite of what you're thinking outloud. My guy is great, he always puts me first, he would never cheat on me, he carrys himself in a respectful way around other women, he's committed to me and only me!

Having a positive confession will change your focus and shift your thinking for the better.

God Bless
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Thanks a million. Definitely helped me step in the right direction. I just need to start drinking from that half full cup.... off down the motorway for some motherky advice :-)

Take Care
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Hi Shell,

I know you posted this a year ago but i was looking for help on the exact same problem you wrote about.

I was wondering if you would be able to offer any advice or help as i feel at my lowest yet.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Sophie

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Hi Sophie Try to keep positive. I really do feel your pain. I actually posted this about 4 years ago - my how time flies! However, I got through that horrible time with the help of my lovely husband. Admittedly, he became a little frustrated and angry a couple of times as his words were falling on deaf ears but he was patient and talked to me about my feelings. Since then, so much has happened, both good and bad (we've married and I came within inches of death after a serious illness!!!) but even though I now know how precious life is, I still have bouts of jealousy and have concluded that this is a little in my nature and that I have to deal with it sensibly. Tell me a little more about your situation and I'll try and help you. One thing that really helped me was reading "feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers. It seems a bit corny when you start out but it is a really excellent self help book. Hope you're ok - will do my best to genuinely lift your spirits xx
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