dating older men

Honestly, at 13 I would say you're a little young to even be dating at all. Dating someone who's in their 20's is even more of a no-no. I mean think of it this way when they were 10, you probably weren't even born. Not to mention the fact that you're barely a teenager and they've been an adult for some time now. I'm not trying to pass any judgement, I don't have a problem with age differences in relationships(my parents are 9 years apart). It's just when you're 13 and the one you're interested in is in their 20's, you're at entirely different points of your life! If you really wanted to date older I would wait until you're in your late teens(18-19) or early 20's. That way dating someone older than you not only seems acceptable, it seems more productive for a love affair. I'm sorry if that was discouraging, that's just how it is. Dating someone who's 20 when you're 13 could get them into a lot of trouble. So date someone your own age, or continue on the fleeting years of being a kid! Best of Luck!

Hi Nono,

Any smart 20 year old won't go near you.  For one thing, you would have NOTHING in common with them.  For another, sex with you, even if you said "yes" would be illegal.

Date someone your own age.

Hi, 

There is nothing wrong with liking older guys. It's quite natural, especially when you are younger. 

At age 13 you are just beginning to develop sexually, and its pretty unlikely that anyone would be attracted to a 13 year old sexually. Most if not all people will fantasise about people much much older. 

I will have to say to be careful. If he is the kind of guy who would date you as a thirteen year old, he isn't the kind of guy you'd want to be with anyway. 

Hold on until you are older, and you'll either find guys your own age who you like, or the age gap will be less of a problem :)

Hey it is perfectly normal for you to have feelings for much older guys. They are mature, caring, fun and really benevolent and patient. 

When I was 13ish I was involved in a full blown relationship with a much older guy. Much older than the one you are discussing. I don't want to mention his age because people will start making very negative statements if I mention how old he was. 

I can tell you I had the most fantastic experience with him. Like I said he had all those qualities I wanted in a guy. Yes, he was more experienced and one could say that there could have been a power imbalance in our relationship. Of course there will be such an imbalance BUT I was getting into that relationship because I wanted that maleness that I liked and wanted and couldn't find in guys my own age. 

It was a full blown sexual relationship and he was my FIRST ever. I do not regret a thing. He made me feel on top of the world and I came to NO harm, no pregnancy scares and no STDs. It was the most beautiful, wholesome, gratifying experience and relationship and I feel every girl MUST be entitled to that kind of most awesome FIRST time experience. We, as girls tend to settle for suboptimal experiences and I think that is so so unfair. 

Guys our age don't know how to please a girl and how to make them feel on top of the world. They don't understand how to treat a girl and make her feel special. I see so many of my friends who complain about their first sexual experience with their same age boyfriend who had no clue what to do and how to please the girl. Really a pity. 

You will find everyone giving you negative advice about older guys.  As a society we feel safe by not taking risks. Then society goes all out to mentally prime girls to believe that all older guys are bad, evil and only want to take advantage of the younger girl. Hello, don't same age guys do the same. Same age guys are also only interested in sex and themselves. There are more issues with same age guys. Just look at what happens at school parties and you only have to open the news papers and read the news. Rapes happen more often in same age relationships and commonly at same age parties where drinks are spiked and the guys get together and watch on as the drunk girl friend is raped by their friends. That is horrible and happens so often. Why doesn't anyone discuss those negative things about same age guys?? Same age guys are more of an issue than much older guys.

About not having anything in common is another falsehood.  Don't listen to the garbage that people try to convince you with. When there is a big age difference, you can STILL have so much in common - sports, music, art are some of the things that come to mind. Remember when you like each other you will find things in common that appeal to both of you. That is what I call companionship !!

I am into my music and so was my much older boyfriend. We had so much fun. 

In short, if you want to date a much older guy FIRST please make sure he is a decent bloke, with a good education and family background and who is mature, not into drugs and alcohol, has got no criminal record and is stable, dependable, patient and kind. Just do a bit of background work and find out a bit more about him. If you do end up dating, make sure you keep it discreet. As you know the law can be extremely harsh and punitive and I believe the law is outdated and extremely unfair and illogical. When you are  in the relationship make sure your grades don't slump and that you help with the chores at home and are in good cheer. Do not let anyone suspect that you are in such a relationship. Finally have a handful of really good friends to cover for you and make sure they keep your relationship a secret.

Good Luck. 

Not a problem at all. I was of the same mindset as you and I found a wonderful guy I dated for a year. It was the best experience and I would recommend more girls try out such relationships. Make sure the guy is decent, he has no dodgy past, not into drugs or alcohol, is well educated, is secure and has good family ties. 

It can be a wonderful, fulfilling and loving relationship if you find the right guy. 

BUT, how will you keep it discreet? Do you have good friends who can cover for you? You must make sure you protect each other and you must realise that such relationships, for various reasons, do not last BUT are really worth it when you are in the relationship. At 13, experimenting and exploring are perfectly fine provided you make sure you take precautions and don't end up with problems. It can get real nasty because your parents, society and the law wont take kindly to such a relationship. We as a society are still in the dark ages and haven't moved with the  times.