Ok, ive read these message boards off and on for weeks now just because it helps me find courage. Ive been taking hydro(7.5's) for almost 3 years. At first it was 2-4 a day, with anywhere from 6-8 on weekends because, well, i dont work weekends so it was what I call "fun time". Then it was 4-6 a day during the week, with roughly the 6-8 on weekends, with the occasional 10 being the most in 1 day on a weekend. Then guilt, fears, finances, etc all started to hit home and make me think more than I obviously wanted to. These were not prescribed. It was pure recreation that turned into a habit. I had a regular supplier that I would think to myself, dude, can you just lose your source so I have no choice but to quit. Obviously that didnt happen. I then decided it was time to work it back down to the rough dose a doctor would prescribe instead of cold turkey because as everyone states, the fear of withdraws set in. Who wants to be sick right? I am like most where literally 2 ppl on the planet know, my supplier, and 1 friend who knows. My family, my best friends, noone has a clue. Well this past week I was fed up and I decided to try a system. It was 1.5 at 7am before work, then 1.5 around 5pm at night after work. Instead of 2-4 it was simply 3 spilt between the day. After a few days of this courage began to build. Im thinking to myself, ok, you used to get up to 6 a day during the week and you instantly went to 3. Half at the crack of dawn, the other half at night. Then the weekend rolled upon me...this is the tricky part I was worried about. Mentally i was telling myself ok, you got through the week because your body is used to the heavier volume of dose come friday night. So friday I decided wasnt going to be like the last 3 years of fridays. I took 3, all late in the evening around 7pm. There was no morning dose this day. Then saturday came. Nothing until around 7pm again, this time only took 2. Sunday came and I said not today...0...Today is monday 5pm...still at 0...
Now to fill in the gaps of my personal system, i wont elaborate too much as everyone is different, everyones body is different. Ive been doing alot of reading about a plant from Indonesia called Kratom, well actually thats the commercial name, but anyways, im told it is a great substitue to help stem WDs, etc. I am one who doesnt want to trade hydro for waking up everyday at 5am to go to some clinic to get a daily dose of methadone. Wont happen. Not for me at least. Id rather lie in bed in horrible agony than trade one synthetic nightmare for another. Anyways, staying on track, I was able to locate some Kratom capsules at a local hippie shop and while the suggested dose for recreation is anywhere from 4-8 capsules, i simply wanted to take 2 when withdrawls started to creep in. I also had a friend give me a 1 week supply of adderrol to have just incase I needed the energy or alertness to get through my work day as I was told while it wont hide your withdrawls, it will def give you enuff energy to make it through the day even if you feel like complete hell. I am one who cannot afford to take a vacation to lie in bed, so I had to give this small system a go.
Anyways, in a nutshell, in roughly 2 hours I will hit the 48hr mark of having no dose of hydro for the first time in 3 years. Lets go back to day 1...i woke up already knowing there was no chance I was gonna fall before I even started, so day 1 consisted of 2 kratom pills for breakfast...then I went to my local over priced corporate coffee store ;-) relaxed, read a lil, etc...i didnt get a high from the kratom as that was not the intention, i didnt quite get the "normal" level i would of gotten from popping a hydro, but at the same time I didnt feel like complete hell either...around 7pm i had plans to tend to and my only complaint at this point was I felt slightly irritable, but moreso i simply felt fatigued and less than normal...i could have just popped a pill and rationalized that hey its only 1 and youve done this good so far tapering, but instead i said, not today...so i took half of the addy for energy to keep my plans. This day felt accomplished...instead of a saturday with 6-10 vics in my system i simply took 2 kratoms capsules, lots of vitamins, and drank plenty of water and tea. Day 1 over. Now comes day 2, today, the beginning of the work week. I woke up as usual after sleeping horrible...figure that was a show of some WDs coming on, but with a decent positive mental outlook...so lets see, tackle work instantly happy and focused with a vic, or continue my personal system...well, sorry hyrdo, you lost day 2 also...i traded off options to show my body i didnt need a standard system...instead of starting with Kratom just to mentally think I had it in the bag I said how bout we get up, go get some coffee and start the day as best as we can with nothing...well...that lasted until about 3 hours into my shift, mainly because I felt the fatigue in my body and slight irritability coming on with a small touch of abdomen pain, alas, hello WDs...so i took half an adderrol for the focus and energy... once it kicked in, which i wouldnt call kicking in, i still had the fatigue and abdomen feeling but I was able to manage the day, stay on top of my game even though i felt slightly off...as the day went on I felt fatigue gaining a hold and im thinking ok, well, your about to hit the 48hr mark, if its gonna happen its gonna happen...(the hardcore WDs that is)...i kept to my guns, i didnt pop anything, i finished the day, had a small talk with my friend after work, came home, showered even though id of rather just laid in bed from the previous nights lack of sleep, and here I am typing...to what point im not sure now...
So i suppose my question is...after 3 years using the hydro and quitting 46hours ago...is it my sheer will that is keeping the WDs at bay or is the worse yet to come? Is it possible that my regualr intake of copius amounts of vitamins daily for the enitre 3 years also, as well as generally only drinking water, cofee, or tea a combination that while using has also helped keep alot of my body healthy for when this point came to where I was possibly keeping a steady balance going? I dont drink alcohol, i do smoke cigarettes, and i do smoke some herb occasionally, so im not repiratory healthy by any means, but otherwise i keep up on every quality vitamin and natural herbal supplement i can that falls within the vitamin realm. I feel like right now at the precipice of hitting 48hrs I should be entering depression, feeling more sick than I do, wishing the world would end, crawling under my covers, so on and so forth...tomorrow is day 3 and if im in these spirits by 7pm tomorrow (72hr mark) i am wondering if my body simply doesnt care that I quit cold turkey or was my health habits a factor in curving the intensity of it? dont get me wrong, im tired, doubt i will sleep, still have slight pain in my stomach, feel well below normal, etc...but not enough to give up or lock myself in my bed...it feels almost as if a 3 year habit is being beat extremely easily and I just need some insight as to whether im simply lucky or if there is more to come? Has anyone else researched and tried using Kratom as a WD fighter? Considering im using far below the recommended dose im wondering if ive placebo'd myself lol into thinking its helping me and therefore it is. Any thoughts? Ideas? Ive wathced friends battle diff addictions over the years, ive seen things firts hand...a main reason I put off attempting this for so long...the fears from what i saw...and now, 2 days in, i know i must be blessed or crazy, but, i wanna kick myself for my fears because I feel like besides the mental game, the physical game I am actually defeating, or it simply never plans on showing up for the fight???? Sorry its so long, ive needed to speak to anyone for a long time...i guess it took day 2 of being sober to have the courage to write here...to anyone who responds...thank you in advance...
Now to fill in the gaps of my personal system, i wont elaborate too much as everyone is different, everyones body is different. Ive been doing alot of reading about a plant from Indonesia called Kratom, well actually thats the commercial name, but anyways, im told it is a great substitue to help stem WDs, etc. I am one who doesnt want to trade hydro for waking up everyday at 5am to go to some clinic to get a daily dose of methadone. Wont happen. Not for me at least. Id rather lie in bed in horrible agony than trade one synthetic nightmare for another. Anyways, staying on track, I was able to locate some Kratom capsules at a local hippie shop and while the suggested dose for recreation is anywhere from 4-8 capsules, i simply wanted to take 2 when withdrawls started to creep in. I also had a friend give me a 1 week supply of adderrol to have just incase I needed the energy or alertness to get through my work day as I was told while it wont hide your withdrawls, it will def give you enuff energy to make it through the day even if you feel like complete hell. I am one who cannot afford to take a vacation to lie in bed, so I had to give this small system a go.
Anyways, in a nutshell, in roughly 2 hours I will hit the 48hr mark of having no dose of hydro for the first time in 3 years. Lets go back to day 1...i woke up already knowing there was no chance I was gonna fall before I even started, so day 1 consisted of 2 kratom pills for breakfast...then I went to my local over priced corporate coffee store ;-) relaxed, read a lil, etc...i didnt get a high from the kratom as that was not the intention, i didnt quite get the "normal" level i would of gotten from popping a hydro, but at the same time I didnt feel like complete hell either...around 7pm i had plans to tend to and my only complaint at this point was I felt slightly irritable, but moreso i simply felt fatigued and less than normal...i could have just popped a pill and rationalized that hey its only 1 and youve done this good so far tapering, but instead i said, not today...so i took half of the addy for energy to keep my plans. This day felt accomplished...instead of a saturday with 6-10 vics in my system i simply took 2 kratoms capsules, lots of vitamins, and drank plenty of water and tea. Day 1 over. Now comes day 2, today, the beginning of the work week. I woke up as usual after sleeping horrible...figure that was a show of some WDs coming on, but with a decent positive mental outlook...so lets see, tackle work instantly happy and focused with a vic, or continue my personal system...well, sorry hyrdo, you lost day 2 also...i traded off options to show my body i didnt need a standard system...instead of starting with Kratom just to mentally think I had it in the bag I said how bout we get up, go get some coffee and start the day as best as we can with nothing...well...that lasted until about 3 hours into my shift, mainly because I felt the fatigue in my body and slight irritability coming on with a small touch of abdomen pain, alas, hello WDs...so i took half an adderrol for the focus and energy... once it kicked in, which i wouldnt call kicking in, i still had the fatigue and abdomen feeling but I was able to manage the day, stay on top of my game even though i felt slightly off...as the day went on I felt fatigue gaining a hold and im thinking ok, well, your about to hit the 48hr mark, if its gonna happen its gonna happen...(the hardcore WDs that is)...i kept to my guns, i didnt pop anything, i finished the day, had a small talk with my friend after work, came home, showered even though id of rather just laid in bed from the previous nights lack of sleep, and here I am typing...to what point im not sure now...
So i suppose my question is...after 3 years using the hydro and quitting 46hours ago...is it my sheer will that is keeping the WDs at bay or is the worse yet to come? Is it possible that my regualr intake of copius amounts of vitamins daily for the enitre 3 years also, as well as generally only drinking water, cofee, or tea a combination that while using has also helped keep alot of my body healthy for when this point came to where I was possibly keeping a steady balance going? I dont drink alcohol, i do smoke cigarettes, and i do smoke some herb occasionally, so im not repiratory healthy by any means, but otherwise i keep up on every quality vitamin and natural herbal supplement i can that falls within the vitamin realm. I feel like right now at the precipice of hitting 48hrs I should be entering depression, feeling more sick than I do, wishing the world would end, crawling under my covers, so on and so forth...tomorrow is day 3 and if im in these spirits by 7pm tomorrow (72hr mark) i am wondering if my body simply doesnt care that I quit cold turkey or was my health habits a factor in curving the intensity of it? dont get me wrong, im tired, doubt i will sleep, still have slight pain in my stomach, feel well below normal, etc...but not enough to give up or lock myself in my bed...it feels almost as if a 3 year habit is being beat extremely easily and I just need some insight as to whether im simply lucky or if there is more to come? Has anyone else researched and tried using Kratom as a WD fighter? Considering im using far below the recommended dose im wondering if ive placebo'd myself lol into thinking its helping me and therefore it is. Any thoughts? Ideas? Ive wathced friends battle diff addictions over the years, ive seen things firts hand...a main reason I put off attempting this for so long...the fears from what i saw...and now, 2 days in, i know i must be blessed or crazy, but, i wanna kick myself for my fears because I feel like besides the mental game, the physical game I am actually defeating, or it simply never plans on showing up for the fight???? Sorry its so long, ive needed to speak to anyone for a long time...i guess it took day 2 of being sober to have the courage to write here...to anyone who responds...thank you in advance...
Hi I take my hat off to you in admiration, as I know the feeling of drug addiction, I have never used hydro's apart from when I use to smoke weed, my problom was more with Extacy, speed and cocaine, and I know what it feels like to have somthing that feels like it is controling your whole life and finance. My drug problom ruined my whole 20's and now at the age of 30 I have had to move country to deal with it and sucsessfully. It has now been 10 months scince I used any drug and I am feeling so much better for it, I erge you to not lose sight of your goal, don't give in to the temptations that may seem like such a pull, they do get easyer. This year I have given up drugs, smoking cigaretes and drinking alcahol all in one after over 10 years worth of abuse. I just like to share that with you to let you know that by hanging in there you will get the peace of mind that you want and need. When I went cold turkey from everything my body did go through with drawerals, but one of the best things is to relise what you have accomplished say to your self "look I would have taken this but it has been 1,2,4,days and then a week with out". And when you get to the week that is a great marker and by just making it that far you will think to your self I have made it this far lets's do the next week and so on. I will keep you in my prayers that you are given the strength to fight the adictation in Jesus name. This is where I got the will to beat a decade of adiction. Stay strong keep focused and I commend you for what you are doing and know that you will be sucssesful by the determination that you put into writing that message on here. You CAN do this! Reamber good things come in CANS and bad things come in cant's. One of the parables that I like that I repeat to my self regualy is "Let us Run the Race of Life With Perseverance" and you are know running with perseverance to have what you want in life free of the addiction.