I'm almost 30, I've been stepping in and out of the closet because I've been dating guys and girls to experiment which side I like, they've been all very serious relationships...but more and more so, I believe I've developed more preference for being 'gay' because I've been dating this one guy for over 3 years now.
I use to consider myself Bi... but I've never actually had sex with women, just men (maybe cuz they are a lot quicker and almost instantly jumps you where as women you'd court and savor the moment-which is nicer imo) but now the dilemma arises... I am nearing the age my family believes I should get married, my siblings have all gotten married and being the youngest, it is soon my turn, and I've been introduced to numerous girls, tried to turn them down because I really like where my current relationship can go and potentially be...
my problem is... I've recently told my family about my orientation, and they've basically laid it out clear to me, if I chose to be gay, i would be turning my back on the family (yes, not the other way around as I kept telling myself- that they are turning their back on me) I can see what they mean too, because you don't relli live for yourself- (i know there'll be debates on this point) but relli, you live with family, or you will have a family, some one around you, humans are social creatures, you would of course want to make the people around you to be happy and proud of who you are, of course due to cultural issues, it'll be hard to satisfy everyone... so back to my problem... I will be turning my back on them and I'll be asked to leave, never contact my family ever again because it would be shameful, and basically disowned so no one will know about this family shame... I've been raised with very strong family values, values such as 'when you look for a spouse, you want to find someone who's good to their family/elders, because you will be their family and that's how they will treat you." and "blood is thicker than water, no matter what, you stick with your family because we are blood" and a chinese saying "brothers are your hands/feet, spouses are like clothing" (not sure how many of you understand that and i'm aware how sexist it sounds, but the important context I always got out of it is that you treasure family before anyone else).
so... I kinda want to know what would you do? If you can have a really prosperous life (as tied in with raising a family with good family support/background) with a wife, kids (did i mention I really really love kids? :S) or be disowned, live a life of solitude banished from family because... you can never know whether this person you've dated with will really last a lifetime (I'm a bit of a cynic :(... I always think of this as if I'm given the choice to make people happy or make myself happy... n it makes me feel really selfish if i chose to make myself happy... this is just the tip of the iceberg and it sounds a lot more lighthearted than it does... :'(....
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