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Hello everyone, 

I'm new to the forum but I need some help. I've looked all across the web and ultimately decided on joining this one. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. 

I've been in a long distance relationship with a woman since July of last year. She initially pursued me as we went to high school together. According to her, she was never able to muster up the courage back then. Anyway, we live just shy of two hours away from each other. This has never been a problem until recently. Either I drove there or she drove here to see each other every weekend or at the most every two weekends. She was the absolute sweetest woman I've ever met. Sent cards for Valentine's Day and other holidays. Wanted to get married. Never had one single argument until a month ago. 

Which is when her ex (her son's father who she did not get along with whatsoever) overdosed in a motel and passed away. Understandably so, she was pretty torn up about but then began to completely withdraw from the world. Ignoring me for days on end, turning her phone off, becoming extremely depressed. Not cleaning her house. Wanting to stay with her parents. She began to act very out of character and starting going back and forth on not wanting to be in a relationship. I tried to be supportive and console her but it seemed everything I did upset her. She began drinking with her girlfriends excessively and became downright nasty in almost every conversation we had. We got into a heated argument on the phone and decided we were going to take a break. Which didn't last long on my part because I do love her with all my heart. I reached out to her Mother and her cousin who both informed me she is Bi-Polar and to "hang in there", that my gf is taking everything the wrong way right now, and that she has started new meds and begun visiting her counselor again. My gf tells me the next night that she needs me to understand that this happens from time to time and she just completely falls apart. The next day we're no longer even friends on Facebook and she changes her relationship status to single which I don't even find out about until a week later. She doesn't tell me anything. I text her, call her, Facebook and email over the course of the next week. She won't respond and will flat out pick up and hang up sometimes. 

We shared a cell phone plan that we split the bill on. My budget is pretty unforgiving but I still tried to keep her phone on for her. She is still using the phone but apparently not to talk to me. At most all of her conversations are two to three minutes. Finally, I reached a boiling point and sent her a text telling that I was there for her and if she wanted me to wait, I would but if she had moved on with her life to please at least tell me so so I wouldn't be left just hanging on in the dark. Still no response. Then I find out that she's making a trip out of state to see one of her girlfriends (a mutual classmate). So at this point, I told her if you're not going to communicate with me then we at least need to come to some kind of agreement about the cell phone bill or I was going to have to cut it off. Still no response. So, I was angry and placed her phone on seasonal standby. I felt horrible about it and turned it back on a few days later (today) and sent her an email apologizing for turning it off because I felt like I had no choice. 

If BPD wasn't involved, I would launch directly into No Contact but I do love the girl and I worry about her. I've read on several other forums that it is common for them to push their partners away during an episode. I've also read that this is common during changes in the season (Spring and Fall). Even more frightening, I know they can also be taken advantage of by other men during this time period also. Even after everything, I'm still crazy about her and her son. Is this behavior normal for someone suffering from BPD or is this the behavior of someone who's just looking for a way out of a long distance relationship? I really don't want to give up on her but I'm really at a loss here because I can't really discern the signs from one another. Should I hang in there for her? Any advice?

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I feel very bad for you and wish I could offer you the right advice. I am bipolar and can tell you that she is probably doing the kindest thing for you by letting you go on with your life. A lot of times, we suffer from faulty logic and maybe her ex's death triggered a mania which will be followed possibly by depression. Do yourself a favor and move on.
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Thanks for your response. The situation has run its course. We spoke yesterday and I was able to surmise from the things she said that she holds me responsible or blames me (and our relationship) for her ex's death... I really have no choice but to move on.
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Has there been an update on this situation?
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