Hello there... I am a 19 year old High school grad and college student-- and I come here seeking perhaps some peace of mind on a topic of particular importance.
Sex isn't just physical for most people, it is also mental and emotional.. So what do you do when one or more of these components goes haywire? I am on the birth control pill, and I know how it works to prevent ova from maturing and rupturing out of the ovarian follicle. I know that statistically it is 99.9% effective against pregnancy. However, despite using a condom correctly, and being on the pill, I always wind up with severe anxiety over possible pregnancy... to the point where I will have a panic attack. I was this way before i went on the pill as well when he had problems with premature ejaculation.
My fiancé and I have been together a very long time, and I love him more than anything in the world... so naturally, it makes me feel inadequate when I have to say no because I'm afraid of pre cum getting on the condom in the dark, or the condom breaking, or his penis brushing up against my leg--depositing pre cum or even ejaculated sperm cells that would swim up into me.... or even the pill I took being a counterfeit from china and failing as a result.
It is almost to where I am scared out of having sex with the man i plan to spend my life with! He has spoken to me about these anxieties, and reassures me that they are ill founded, and a result of my sex ed program in school. He is more sexually experienced than me, and is more understanding about these fears as a result.
We do want children down the line, but not while we are planning our wedding and trying to save the money to care for one! I feel that we should go by the sex ed program and not have sex until we are married-- where we can take care of a child... and ONLY when we are planning to get pregnant after we're married. To clarify: never have sex even while married unless we are trying to make a baby.
Is it true that you get pregnant the instant you have unprotected sex... even if the man does not ejaculate? Exactly how difficult is it to get pregnant?
Is it also true that the majority of websites and information out there are designed to scare teenagers and young unmarried persons away from having sex?
And if that is true, why then do not these people who are writing all of it think of the horrible long term effects it can have on young people and their sexuality?
I cannot enjoy intercourse or even have an orgasm because of all the anxiety i feel over unplanned pregnancy.
Is this a flaw in the sex education program's "abstinence" curriculum, or is there somethign seriously wrong with me ?
Sex isn't just physical for most people, it is also mental and emotional.. So what do you do when one or more of these components goes haywire? I am on the birth control pill, and I know how it works to prevent ova from maturing and rupturing out of the ovarian follicle. I know that statistically it is 99.9% effective against pregnancy. However, despite using a condom correctly, and being on the pill, I always wind up with severe anxiety over possible pregnancy... to the point where I will have a panic attack. I was this way before i went on the pill as well when he had problems with premature ejaculation.
My fiancé and I have been together a very long time, and I love him more than anything in the world... so naturally, it makes me feel inadequate when I have to say no because I'm afraid of pre cum getting on the condom in the dark, or the condom breaking, or his penis brushing up against my leg--depositing pre cum or even ejaculated sperm cells that would swim up into me.... or even the pill I took being a counterfeit from china and failing as a result.
It is almost to where I am scared out of having sex with the man i plan to spend my life with! He has spoken to me about these anxieties, and reassures me that they are ill founded, and a result of my sex ed program in school. He is more sexually experienced than me, and is more understanding about these fears as a result.
We do want children down the line, but not while we are planning our wedding and trying to save the money to care for one! I feel that we should go by the sex ed program and not have sex until we are married-- where we can take care of a child... and ONLY when we are planning to get pregnant after we're married. To clarify: never have sex even while married unless we are trying to make a baby.
Is it true that you get pregnant the instant you have unprotected sex... even if the man does not ejaculate? Exactly how difficult is it to get pregnant?
Is it also true that the majority of websites and information out there are designed to scare teenagers and young unmarried persons away from having sex?
And if that is true, why then do not these people who are writing all of it think of the horrible long term effects it can have on young people and their sexuality?
I cannot enjoy intercourse or even have an orgasm because of all the anxiety i feel over unplanned pregnancy.
Is this a flaw in the sex education program's "abstinence" curriculum, or is there somethign seriously wrong with me ?
I think your just scared of what could happen but most likely to YOU it won't. You're on birth control, I take it you are on time with the pill every day. You do not instantly become pregnant from having unprotected sex for the first time while on birth control. I use to be on BC but had to stop because the side effects were becoming to great to handle. When I was on BC for over a year, I was no the one to even take my pill on time every day or even at all. I had scares but I never got pregnant. The BC was active in my system, I was safe, I didn't think so, but I was. I've had unprotected sex very few times WITHOUT BC with no ejaculation, I was fine. I had a normal period too. I think it could be something in your past that has you worried about this. It's not immoral to think that way. EVERYBODY thinks like this. I wouldn't sweat it. Try to find something that calms you when you are going to have intercourse. Just think of it this way, if anything happens there are many ways to take care of things. I highly doubt getting pregnant would happen to you, if you are on the pill or using protection. Think of this, you are with a man, a great man a that, that is planning to spend the REST OF HIS LIFE with YOU. I wouldn't freak out about something that is more likely to happen to me than you. lol Go ahead and have the most crazy sex in your life with the man your going to spend the rest of your life with. and Congratulations!!!!!
If you read any medical text book and actually think about the process a sperm has to go through in order to impregnate an egg its a tough job! They are going against acidic conditions and a very stubburn egg that is not willing to accept the little swimmers. If you're on birth control those little buggers are even more worse off.
As for the pre-cum debate. There are no sperm in pre-cum unless there are left over sperm from a previous ejaculation. So most of the time there are no sperm there.
Just because you have unprotected sex does not mean in any way that you are going to get pregnant. (Don't believe whoever told you that).
Sex is a good thing. Its a great way to be intimate. If you don't want to have sex until you are married don't make it because you are scared to do it. Really, take all the precautions that you can and I doubt that you will become pregnant.
Take your birth control pills, wear a condom (use LOTS of lube so it doesn't break), and if it does break use a plan B pill if you are that concerned. They can be picked up from most University health centers for a very minimal cost.
Sex is good. Not something to be terrified of. On a second note, if you or your boyfriend are sexually active in ANY way (Meaning oral, vaginal, anal, or rubbing naked together) please go get tested for all STD's so that you know.
Good luck.
As for the pre-cum debate. There are no sperm in pre-cum unless there are left over sperm from a previous ejaculation. So most of the time there are no sperm there.
Just because you have unprotected sex does not mean in any way that you are going to get pregnant. (Don't believe whoever told you that).
Sex is a good thing. Its a great way to be intimate. If you don't want to have sex until you are married don't make it because you are scared to do it. Really, take all the precautions that you can and I doubt that you will become pregnant.
Take your birth control pills, wear a condom (use LOTS of lube so it doesn't break), and if it does break use a plan B pill if you are that concerned. They can be picked up from most University health centers for a very minimal cost.
Sex is good. Not something to be terrified of. On a second note, if you or your boyfriend are sexually active in ANY way (Meaning oral, vaginal, anal, or rubbing naked together) please go get tested for all STD's so that you know.
Good luck.